It's All Good News Now
by Tobirion
Summary: Despite moving to Midgar Cloud still struggles reconciling traditional Nibelheim values with big-city urges. His virginity should be given to someone special, not a random hookup - but the only person who fits his criteria is his best friend, who is in a relationship of his own, no less. Friends with benefits turns out to be more complicated than anticipated. ASGZC.
1. Chapter 1

_I need you to call me. Act like theres something important u need me for. PLS CALL, GET ME OUT OF HERE_

It was a very long three minutes from the time Cloud sent his text to when Zack Fair called him back. They weren't unpleasant minutes, not really—his few quiet groans and the blush on his cheeks would attest otherwise—but three was longer than he would have liked. Three put him much too close to the inevitable moment that he was dreading—the one Zack was supposed to get him out of.

His PHS was not on silent, thank goodness—the sounds of chocobos warking blasted through the small space that was his friend Andrew's top bunk. Chocobos were a solid zero on the _sexy _scale and Cloud was only too happy to lean over Andrew and pick up his PHS from where it had gotten nudged underneath a pillow.

"Sorry," he apologized, "Ah—it's Zack."

Most of Cloud's friends knew he was also friends with the SOLDIER First Class. "Hello?"

"Cloud?" Zack's voice was _entirely _too inquisitive. Andrew could probably hear him too—he needed to be convincing. Cloud swallowed thickly.

"Hey," he said, trying his darndest to sound concerned, sound stable—sound like he wasn't straddling another infantryman's lap and didn't have another man's hands down the back of his briefs. "Is everything okay?"

A slight pause on Zack's end. "No. I fell during training with Angeal today, hit my head pretty bad. They say I have a concussion. I'm in the infirmary and I'm fine now, but they're sayin' I need someone to help me walk home. Angeal would do it but he got called away on a mission half an hour ago."

"I'll be right there," Cloud said, his voice firm. "Hang in there, okay? I won't take long."

"Thanks, Cloud. I dunno what I'd do without you."

Cloud hung up the phone and glanced at Andrew, who looked understandably disappointed. "I'm so sorry, but Zack needs help."

"Yeah, of course. A concussion? That sucks."

The blond nodded and began to extract himself, but Andrew leant in one last time and kissed him again. "You think we could continue this sometime?"

"Y-Yeah, maybe."

"Alright. Good luck."

Cloud dropped down neatly to the ground and pulled on his jeans, previously discarded next to the other infantryman's dresser. It was a miracle that none of his other bunkmates had come in, honestly; that was reason enough alone to cut this short.

He left with a stumbling, embarrassed goodbye and swept from the room, his face burning beneath his infantry scarf that he wrapped closer to his face for that exact reason. Instead of going to the infirmary he went straight to Zack's apartment. He hesitated outside. Although Zack hadn't told him to come over and explain he knew it was the right thing to do. The SOLDIER would worry about him if Cloud did what he wanted to do, which was lay down in his bed and hide from the world for a few hours.

With a great sigh he knocked on the door.

Zack answered it in sweatpants and a ShinRa t-shirt. His eyes went up and down Cloud's form critically for a moment, and after detecting no injuries he smiled. "You alright Spike?"

Cloud reddened more beneath his scarf. "I'm okay," he confirmed, and Zack let him inside.

His friend had ordered pizza and was halfway into his first slice. He immediately offered Cloud some and the blond collapsed on the couch gratefully. Eating it put off answering Zack's questions for a few moments, but the First eyed him the whole time he ate, his eyes narrowed.

"So… what was I rescuing you from?"

Cloud put down his plate and closed his eyes.

Gaia, this was embarrassing. Zack was his best friend—he told Cloud all of his sexual exploits on the daily but Cloud… _Cloud Strife, _of all people, didn't…

"I was messing around with a guy," he ground out. His shoulders rose to his ears in mortification and he hunched over his plate.

Zack's loud disbelief startled him. "_Wha-!" _

Cloud waited, his eyes still closed, and Zack's shout transitioned into happy laughter. "Whaaat? My _Spike_?" The infantryman just nodded miserably and Zack punched his shoulder. "Let me make sure I heard this right. Cloud Strife was one: getting' jiggy with it, and two: _with a dude_."

"_Zack,_" Cloud protested, feeling mildly sick. "I didn't think you would make a big deal out of it. Knock it off."

And Zack shouldn't have—he was the one in the relationship with three other guys, all his superiors. Cloud could have told him he had just spent the last hour tied up on the President's desk as the man spanked him in fishnets and he shouldn't have been able to even blink the wrong way.

"I'm not." Zack's tone instantly switched to apologetic and he rested his hand over Cloud's shoulder, his thumb rubbing where he had punched Cloud moments ago. "I'm sorry, I was just surprised. I didn't even know you were…well, into any of that stuff, man."

"It's complicated."

"Why did you text me? Was this guy doing something to you that you didn't like? Were you in danger?"

Zack's voice switched to concerned and then dangerous so quickly and so convincingly that Cloud was awed by it for a moment. Because Zack was his best friend he forgot sometimes that he was a SOLDIER; a First Class, a powerful one, with a protective streak a mile wide. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw was tight. If Cloud had been in trouble he had no doubt that Zack would absolutely destroy whoever it had been.

"No, it's okay. Really," he said, covering Zack's hand with his own for a moment. He smiled, trying to get Zack to do the same. "I just… I didn't want it to go any farther, and it looked like it could have. I felt bad saying 'no' again and—I just felt like it would be better if I had an excuse."

Zack sighed and rubbed at his face for a moment. "Who was this guy?"

"A friend of mine in the infantry."

"If he's your friend, then you shouldn't feel bad saying 'no.' Cloud, I'm serious." The blond had looked away but Zack gently grabbed his chin and drew him back. His eyes were indeed serious, more so than Cloud had ever seen them.

"Rule number one. _No's _get respected. If you want to stop, then you and your partner stop, _always_. If this kid is the kind of guy where you're afraid to tell him no, then he's not the kind of guy you should be messing around with, and I want him to stay away from you. Understand?"

"No, I—" Zack continued to gaze at him, his expression hard. "I understand, Zack. I, I know that, don't worry. It's not like that. I know that he would have been fine if I said no, I just… felt bad about it."

He closed his eyes again and Zack sighed. The hand on his chin slid up to ruffle his hair. "I always knew you'd be the kind of guy to feel guilty over stuff like that." Cloud tilted his head, a bit surprised Zack had put any thought into him in that kind of situation at all. "But seriously, you really don't have to feel guilty about that. _Ever, _okay?"

Cloud nodded. "Got it."

"Sorry to get all scary on you. That's just so important. I never wanna hear about you doing anything you don't want to, alright?"

"Yeah."

"Weeell… except for doing your laundry. I know how you hate that." Zack poked his side, making the blond squirm ticklishly. "And your hand-to-hand class, I knooow you hate that." He poked again and Cloud knocked his hand away, grinning.

If Zack was joking now, the two of them were fine.

"How did you manage to text me in the middle of that anyway? I can't imagine how you did it."

Cloud blushed and covered his mouth, fighting back a smile, and Zack leaned in. "Okay, now you've _gotta _tell me."

He had been the one to rely on Zack's assistance to get him out of that mess—he had to suck it up and deal with the questions. Cloud just prayed to the Nibel gods that he wouldn't die of embarrassment before the afternoon was over. "I texted you behind his back."

"Huh?"

"I…" Cloud moved his pizza to the coffee table. "I was, um, sitting on his lap, right." He mimed it, but to his surprise Zack reached out and scooped him forward until he was doing just that. Cloud laughed and repositioned himself so he was just as he had been with Andrew—knees on the bedding, sitting back on the top of Zack's thighs. He had towered over his other friend like this, but Zack was a great deal taller than a teenage infantryman. Cloud's nose was all in Zack's spiky hair.

"Like this?"

"Uh, sorta. His hands were…" Cloud figured that if he was humiliating himself he might as well go all the way. He couldn't quite bring himself to say _ass _though and said as coolly as he could, "on my butt."

Zack snickered and grabbed two handfuls of Cloud's ass through his jeans. "Like this? Seriously?"

"_No, _they were, uh—"

The SOLDIER slipped his hands under his belt to cup his bottom through his underwear. Actually, Andrew's hands had been under the thin blue fabric but Cloud did not correct him. He pulled his PHS out of his pocket and reached over Zack's shoulder, thrusting the small device out over the back of the couch. "I texted you like this, but it was hard because he was kissing my neck and stuff."

Zack removed one hand from his rear to tug away the green scarf and planted a big, gooey, disgusting kiss on Cloud's neck.

Cloud was chuckling before he could help it. "Haha, yeah, like that—and he was saying stuff and I only went 'uh huh' because I was trying to text you." He frowned in concentration and mimed tapping away at the tiny device.

"Oh, Cloud," Zack said, his voice husky, an imitation of whatever he thought Andrew sounded like. "You're the sexiest infantryman in the entire building."

"Uh huh," Cloud droned, his voice the most bored and uninterested he could make it.

Zack went still for a moment. Then his amusement came out of him all at once like a shout—he tipped sideways, squashing half of Cloud's body beneath him. Cloud had heard Zack laugh many, many times, but his laugh was usually loud and booming, something cute and endearing, and not high-pitched, wheezing, and helpless.

"Oh my—oh my _god, _Cloud—" He was saying. Cloud spotted a tear work its way down Zack's cheek and he fucking lost it, going boneless on the couch. He didn't even mind his burning cheeks when his own embarrassing actions had resulted in something as funny as _this_.

Eventually Zack calmed down, saying _whew _a few times and fanning his face. He was all red—maybe blushing himself?—and he couldn't stop smiling. "Wow, Spike. That's the funniest shit I've heard in ages."

Cloud tried to look unamused. "I'm glad you found my awkward situation so funny."

Zack giggled again.

They went back to their pizza and Zack teased him a bit about the hickeys on his neck, visible now that Zack had removed his scarf. They had ice cream too, because Cloud apparently deserved it after going through something like that. They watched some TV and shot the shit like they always did, but Zack grew thoughtful and serious again and nudged Cloud's knee with his hand.

"Hey. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but what's the deal? You feel like you're not ready for sex yet, or was it intimidating, or…? You said it was complicated. I wanna help."

Cloud did not doubt it. Zack possessed a unique sort of kindness that he had yet to see in anybody else. The blond tucked his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, watching his socked feet dig into the cushion. "It's not that I'm not ready," he frowned, "It's more like… I can't bring myself to actually do it, even though I really want to."

"I don't get it."

"It's—in Nibelheim," Cloud confessed, finally ready to let it all out, his growing frustration in the last few months, all of it—"you're not allowed to lose your virginity before marriage. There's such a stigma around it. Some of the couples who did got shunned by everybody at school. I _know _this isn't Nibelheim; I tell myself that all the time. I'm not—going to wait for marriage or anything, that's ridiculous, and I know virginity is a—what is it—cultural construct, and all that, and that it doesn't really _mean _anything. But… for whatever reason I'm having trouble allowing myself to give it away to someone who doesn't matter, you know?"

Zack's eyes were kind; Cloud didn't know why he had been afraid of judgment from his best friend. "I understand. It's okay to be confused about that kinda thing."

Cloud shrugged. "I know virginity is stupid, but…"

"Different strokes. If it's important to the people in your hometown, it makes sense it's important to you."

"But it's not important to people here."

"I dunno… but either way, if someone doesn't respect that you don't wanna fuck 'em they're a piece of shit, right?"

"Right. I just want to get it over with though, honestly. I hate being so… hung up about it. If I could just do it once then I'd be free to…"

Zack's eyebrows rose. "Bang all the people you want to, you randy little shit?"

Cloud was hoping that the conversation was over but Zack looked thoughtful again, watching him. "Hey," he began, his voice gentle. "What kind of person _do _you want to get with for the first time, though? Clearly it isn't whoever you were with earlier."

"I guess it's… someone who actually cares about me. My mom figured I wouldn't do the marriage thing either and she wrote me a letter, told me to just make sure I like them, and that they'll treat me right. They don't have to be a _boyfriend_ or anything. I'm not sure. Just a close friend." He chuckled into the fabric covering his knees. "She actually used 'they,' in her letter. I think she had a feeling I wasn't straight."

"Yeah, how come I didn't know about that? Or that strange boys have been all up on my favorite infantryman?"

Cloud just shrugged, but he didn't want Zack to be hurt over it. "I was just quiet about it. And you're busy with Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth anyway."

"I'm never so busy that I can't help my best friend out with his problems!" Zack fixed him with another serious look, and then nudged him again. "_Especially_ problems that involve kissing."

"You're a moron," Cloud growled, and started to kick his friend.

They wrestled a little, ate now-cold pizza until they were stuffed again, and when Cloud left he was positive that he had someone in his corner. Zack, in his clumsy, silly, adoring way, was there for him—he was the type to stage a fake phone call and take care of him afterward. That knowledge made him feel more secure than he was expecting.

* * *

><p>The not-having-sex thing hadn't bothered him much when he first got to ShinRa. The showers had curtains. He had a hand.<p>

Still, he was riding the long wave of puberty still, thankfully on its way out, and he was horny as hell _all the time. _He was surrounded by many men who talked about sex constantly, some who brought their girlfriends to base, others who fucked each other in the showers. Even though the showers had curtains it was hard to hide something like _that_.

All around Cloud Strife there were sexually charged teenage boys. Though he had resisted at first his resolve crumbled fairly quickly. So when his platoon went out for drinks one night and came back to play cards and clumsily hurt themselves at the gym, he enthusiastically crawled onto his bed so one of his bunkmates could follow him onto it. He had been a nervous, clumsy kisser, but the more practice he got the more he liked it.

He hadn't done anything _too _hardcore yet, but more items were being checked off his list every day. It was nice and satisfying, in a way—the human contact, the soft laughter he shared with his friends, the sensations of kissing and biting besides. Still, he hated gently steering his partners away from sex; he hated cutting it short. _Gaia, _he wanted to fuck someone—he did, he really, really did, but he _couldn't. _

He couldn't just _do it _with one of his friends, teens who didn't want him for anything more than immediate relief. He didn't want them for anything more than that either, but… it was different, somehow. His momma was right; his first time should be with someone he cared for, and who cared for him back. Boyfriend or not, he just wanted something more meaningful than what he had experienced thus far, even if it was fun, and even if he enjoyed himself quite a bit.

He'd regret it otherwise.

Telling Zack about it helped. Finally someone knew. Zack was cool with how Cloud was interested in not just girls, but boys too—and he was kind about his hesitancy to have sex. Zack asked him about it a few more times, trying to understand what Cloud needed so he would or could have sex some day.

Cloud didn't know—he'd know it when he was in the right situation, he concluded. When the right person asked. It would become clear. Eventually.

But in the meantime he was frustrated as fuck, and still mildly frustrated with himself over the whole ordeal.

"Zack," he sighed one afternoon, sprawled out on the man's carpet, "I'm horny _all _the time."

His friend snorted, sitting on the couch and focused on the television screen, where his game character was shooting an alien with a machine gun. "I'll bet, Spike."

"You probably never have this problem. Three boyfriends…"

"Ha! Lemme tell you! They're always on missions, or _I'm _away on missions, or they're sweaty and covered in monster guts. Don't get me wrong, I get some—but it isn't as often as you might think."

Cloud rolled over onto his stomach and observed his friend. "They're good to you, right?"

Zack blinked at him, glancing away from the TV for a moment. "Hell yeah they are. You seriously need to hang out with us one of these days."

It was an old conversation. Just the thought of Zack's boyfriends intimidated the hell out of him. He'd met all of them at least once, Angeal twice, actually—but all just in passing, in the hallway or elevator. Zack had introduced him, he'd stammered and stared at his feet, and that was that.

"I'll meet them properly eventually," the blond muttered, side-stepping that particular issue. The last thing he wanted to do was reveal his embarrassing crushes on his best friend's partners, no thank you.

Zack was quiet for a moment, and then paused the game. "Come up here for a sec?"

"Huh?"

Zack patted the cushion of the couch beside him and Cloud climbed up to sit beside him. "About them. I, ah, I asked the boys something, to see what they thought about it, and…well, they said it sounds like it could be a good idea."

"What could?"

The SOLDIER looked uncomfortable for a moment, which was so unlike him. "Just hear me out, alright? I was thinking about your problem, and how you want to have sex for the first time with someone you know well, and who you're comfortable with." Zack met his gaze and slowly smiled, his demeanor gentle, yet as confident as Cloud had always known him to be. "How would you feel about having that person be me?"

"_What?_"

"Come back here, seriously. Okay. Good. Just listen, alright? You said the other day that you would consider saying yes to a friend. I know how much this has been bothering you and I want you to get over any insecurity you have so you can do your best, y'know? So I asked Seph, Gen and Ang how they would feel if I did this for you."

"Y-You asked them if you could—" Cloud couldn't even finish his sentence.

"_Yeah, _and they said they were cool with it. They know how much you mean to me—you're my best friend, Spike."

Cloud did not know what to say, so Zack spoke instead. "Think about it. I'm not gonna put words into your mouth but I'm your best friend too, yeah?"

"…Of course you are."

"And I'm gonna hazard a guess and say no one here cares about Mr. Strife more than I do?"

Grin. "No, I guess not."

"So realistically, I'm the best candidate for this. You're cute, _I'm _cute… and it doesn't have to be a big deal, you know. I'd take it slow, go easy on you. You'd be more comfortable with me than anyone else, I think."

"Zack…" Cloud shook his head. "I'm always telling you you're too selfless. I don't want you having sex with me out of some sort of obligation. I can find someone on my own if I have to. I can't ask you to do this for me."

"You're not asking—I'm offering. If you're worried this is gonna fuck our friendship up, don't." He shrugged. "It seems like you're still friends with the guys you've been hooking up with."

"Yeah, but…"

Zack smiled and ruffled his hair. "You don't have to say yes. Just know I'm available if you want to take me up on the offer."

"I just can't believe the others said it would be…"

The SOLDIER snorted. "Please! When you've got four people involved communication is _key, _okay? I tell them everything. You're my best friend, and I care about you—as you know. I explained and they trust me."

"Wow." Cloud closed his eyes, feeling mildly dizzy. "Wow."

"And just think about it this way. One day, when you're a sexual dynamo and have all the boys drooling outside your apartment door _I _can walk by and say 'oh yeah—you had me first! Best friend, assholes!"

"Shut up."

They laughed, and dropped the subject. Zack let him think it over.

And think it over Cloud did.

At first he convinced himself he wouldn't take Zack up on it, of course. He had never thought of Zack in a sexual way before so it was just…bizarre, thinking of them together like that. Not to mention that they were best friends whose relationship should not be in any way entangled with physical affection—it gave Cloud the shivers to even think about it.

Zack Fair's lips on his? Zack Fair, naked? _Weird_.

But more than once his thoughts strayed back to that _possibility _when he listened to his friends talk about what they had gotten up to that weekend. When he jerked off he kept imagining how it could be so much better; what, a bed instead of a freezing tile wall? Zack's familiar laugh in his ear instead of the talking and chatting of various infantrymen changing and getting ready for their next set of drills?

It was totally ridiculous that this was even an option, and it was even more ridiculous that Cloud said yes.

He called Zack late at night before he went to bed, his fingers trembling. "I have to do this now or I'll chicken out again," he said in a rush as soon as Zack answered, his voice low so none of his bunkmates would really hear him, "But I want to take you up on your offer."

It took Zack a moment to respond. "…I—alright. I mean, alright!"

"Yeah." Cloud nodded several times even though his friend could not see him.

"Okay. That's good—we'll work it out. Don't get stressed out about it, aight?"

"I won't."

Both of them stayed quiet, and then Cloud whispered, "I'm going to bed now. Bye, Zack."

He stuffed his PHS under his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut, amazed by his own audacity.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you so much for reading - more to come very soon. Also, thank you to those on tumblr who supported me while I was struggling to write this; this is my first time really writing, uh, sex, so it was a mortifying, hilarious and worthwhile experience. I'm so grateful. : )<em>


	2. Chapter 2

Of all the ways that Cloud had figured that this would go down, beginning with a psychoanalysis was not it.

"So at this point it looks like it's less about Nibelheim and more about how you don't want to embarrass yourself," Zack was saying, rubbing the end of his chin with his fingers like he was a scholar in a movie. "Am I wrong?"

"I don't know," Cloud muttered. "I don't want to embarrass myself but it's not like the Nibelheim stuff _isn't _important."

"Well, are you more concerned about the Nibel Gods rejecting you for having sex before you're married or the actual act itself?"

"Zack," Cloud grunted, because he did not know how to respond.

They'd been hacking at the issue for the past hour. First it was virginity—a bullshit concept made up ages ago that was used to oppress people, women in particular. Cloud knew that. Cloud knew that really, there was going to be no difference from the Cloud of right now and the Cloud of a few hours from now, but that didn't help him deal with the knowledge that Nibelheim's conservative views had _worked_ on him. He was fucking terrified, and although he knew that this was the best thing to do he couldn't deny the small bit of shame sitting white-hot in his stomach.

Zack helped though. Zack helped with everything. Their evening together had been, thus far, one of Cloud's best spent at ShinRa. He went over Zack's apartment after his class had let out at two. They'd watched a movie, played two different video games (Cloud's favorites), and had food delivered. The two men were now sprawled on Zack's couch nursing drinks—Zack, soda, and Cloud, Commander Rhapsodos's fancy hard ciders Zack had in the fridge. He hadn't had many, just a few, to make him less anxious about what was coming soon.

His best friend had one hand resting on his shin. It was gentle and unassuming, and actually, Zack had been touching Cloud in one way or another the entire afternoon.

In fact, Zack was doing all of this, and going out of his way to make Cloud feel calm. He was Cloud's best friend, but that hardly meant that he had to offer to _sleep _with him so that Cloud could get over his insecurities. He didn't have to be so kind, or understanding, or selfless—but he was. No one was forcing Cloud to do this, least of all Zack—but after agonizing over it for the week since he asked he was realizing that he wanted to do it.

He really did.

"Zack," Cloud said as clearly as he could. The gentle sweep of alcohol made him sag into the cushions of the couch but he forced himself into an upright position. "Thank you for doing this for me. Seriously. It…means a lot."

Zack surveyed him for a moment. His eyes narrowed briefly, as if inspecting Cloud for any last reservations or lies. He found none, and smiled. "I'm not doing this _for _you. We're doing it together. We're friends, right?"

The gentle correction gave Cloud pause. A wide smile spread over his face as the SOLDIER's words sunk in. "Yeah. I'm ready to do this."

"Hm? And what is 'this,' exactly?" Zack smiled lazily at him and held out his hand. Cloud grabbed it and Zack tugged him close. Cloud balanced on his knees on the cushions.

"Shut up," the infantryman muttered, and moved his hand up so it could cup Zack's face. It was obvious what this was. Zack winked at him and leant his head into Cloud's hand like a puppy wanting a pet, and the visual made Cloud smile to himself. He tapped his thumb gently against Zack's cheekbone in thought.

This face was one he had studied many times in the past, though perhaps without this level of scrutiny. He had nice, strong cheekbones and a nose that was always red the first few months Cloud met him, during the winter. Zack had the kind of mouth that looked best when it was smiling, though it was hardly an eyesore the rest of the time. As if Zack could read his thoughts he did just that, his eyes curving up slightly in his happiness, or maybe amusement.

Rather than the bones-deep anxiety Cloud had been expecting he felt invigorated when Zack smiled at him like that. "You're an idiot," he murmured—a tiny, harmless insult for no real reason at all. Banter like that they usually shared.

Zack grinned wider. "An idiot who wants to quadruple check you're cool with this. You positive you're good Spike? No pressure."

"I'm fine. Are _you_?"

"I'm golden. I'm ready to do anything you want or need me to, bud."

Cloud nodded, and Zack did too. Then before Cloud could lose his courage again his grip on the side of Zack's face grew firmer and he leant in to kiss him.

Kissing was one of the things that Cloud thought he was fairly skilled at. In most of the other stuff he was unsure so he put his whole heart into that first kiss as he tried to convey to Zack that he wasn't entirely helpless. With that hand on Zack's face he held him still, and Cloud did the moving instead; he tilted slightly so the angle was just right for him to finally press their lips together.

From Zack's throat came a low, amused hum, and it gave Cloud the remaining confidence he needed. He pressed a few gentle, open-mouthed kisses against the softness of Zack's lips and the First let out a tiny, uncharacteristic giggle (wow, so he wasn't the only one nervous about this whole thing?).

Cloud had spent enough time thinking about this moment in the last week that he expected kissing Zack to be unlike anything he had experienced. When his companion opened up for him though and Cloud's tongue met Zack's the blond was struck by how…ordinary this was. Zack's mouth tasted and felt like, well, a mouth—and Cloud was familiar with that.

This was something he could do.

Zack made another little noise, laughter bubbling up from his throat, and their deep, breathless kiss tapered off into uncontrollable giggles on both ends.

"And how was that, huh?" Zack struck a pose (or tried to—he was still sitting on the couch with Cloud kneeling right in front of him).

"Not nearly as weird as I was expecting," Cloud confessed.

"Yeah, I didn't think it would be that weird at all."

"It's kind of nice, not having to worry about…romance, or whatever. This is so less stressful than anything I've done before."

"Good, it should be." Zack winked at him again. "But sometimes romance is the best part! _Man, _when Genesis kisses me when the mood's right or we're on a date—that can be the best shit ever."

"And now that I'll be a 'sexual dynamo' I can go out and get myself my _own _date and figure that out for myself. You're supposed to warn me when there's spoilers, asshole."

Zack looked affronted, growled, and launched a slow-motion punch at Cloud's face. The blond ducked easily under his fist and drew him in for another kiss. They both grinned against each other's mouths and began an exploration of the other that was not nearly as gentle as at first. Cloud's tongue mapped out the interior of Zack's mouth for a while and then Zack took over. Everything about him from the hand he had on Cloud's hip to the way in which he subtly directed their actions spoke of experience. Zack was older than he, and had three boyfriends besides; he was well-versed in this act, and in the many others Cloud knew was to come.

Cloud, screwing up his courage again, tugged at Zack's shirt and the SOLDIER helped him remove it. Zack was gorgeous but Cloud squinted at his chest with envy, not with desire. The goof flexed his muscles and waggled his eyebrows at the blond, making Cloud laugh again.

Zack was trying so hard to make this easy for him. He had spoken a few hours ago about how "it's all about making mistakes, Cloud—it seems like that's why you're so nervous. You can make any mistake you want with me, I'll help you through it. You make a lotta mistakes when I'm training ya and I'm never mean about it, yeah?" When he thought about it, yes, the idea about fucking up and humiliating himself in a sexual situation was a huge part of why he was hesitating—but with Zack he didn't have to worry about that. So he dove into what he had previously done only hesitatingly without abandon. If Zack said anything about it later he could blame it on the cider.

"Little harder," Zack groaned after Cloud licked at a spot on his neck and then bit down. The thought that the SOLDIER's boyfriends (his handsome, legendary boyfriends, gulp) would see Cloud's hickey there was stupidly arousing. Cloud sucked harder, working his teeth and tongue against the smooth skin, and when he pulled away he was satisfied to see a reddish splotch of color. He blew gently against the skin and Zack chuckled at him, his eyes mostly closed, observing him as his head lolled against the back of the couch.

"You wanna move to my room, Spike?"

The fear came back all at once, but the hand Zack used to rake through his hair and ruffle his spikes washed it away. "Sure," he managed.

"Race you!"

Zack actually ran for the bedroom but Cloud went at a much slower pace, chuckling. When he got there Zack was sitting on the bottom edge of the bed and pouting.

"You're not any fun."

"You tell me that like once a week."

"I'll say it again, then. Cloud Strife. _No _fun."

Cloud smirked and straddled Zack's thighs. Zack's mattress was fancy memory foam, since he had a SOLDIER First's paycheck and all, and it hardly jiggled at all under his weight; he'd been hoping he'd be able to jostle Zack around a little. "I'm tons of fun," he asserted. Still, he was able to lean against Zack, with the man's face smooshed into his belly, and he tipped forward until Zack fell and plopped backwards.

Hands coasted up to his hips. "You gonna show me how _fun _you are, then?"

They both bust out laughing again. "I'm sorry," Cloud apologized, rolling off of Zack and covering his mouth with his hands, "I can't be serious."

"It's fine. Laughing is a good thing during sex."

"Really?" Cloud was doubtful. "What do you laugh about?"

"I dunno… not each other, that's for sure—at least, not mean-spirited laughing. Maybe someone does something clumsy, like… trips when they're trying to take off their jeans. Or you just laugh for no reason at all." He shrugged.

Cloud frowned for a moment, then let it go—people in love did weird things. Zack flipped himself over and crawled up Cloud's body to prop himself up on his elbows above him, and as Cloud cupped Zack's cheeks in his hands he found himself smiling again, even though nothing was amusing.

Softly, Zack asked, "You good?"

"I'm good."

They kissed again. Cloud eased his t-shirt off and haphazardly tossed it aside. Zack's lips trailed down his neck and the man bit at his collarbone, leaving what Cloud was sure would be a few marks of his own. Cloud's breath caught in his throat and his hand tightened in the back of Zack's hair (and he hadn't even realized he'd moved it there, oops).

"Ooh, you're sensitive there."

"This is so weird."

Zack paused entirely, and it made Cloud crack his eyes open. He also hadn't realized they'd closed. The SOLDIER's breath puffed hot against his neck. "What's weird?"

"Oh, just—just that we're talking about this. You didn't have to stop."

"Would you prefer if we were quiet?"

"_No."_

Zack chuckled and pressed another kiss to Cloud's neck. "Okay. You know me—I can talk all day."

Despite Cloud's assertion Zack fell quiet after that, but because he was busy. They kissed for a while, until the last of the tension was gone from both their shoulders. Zack then made his way back down the column of Cloud's throat, the dip of his clavicle, and the hard curves and dips of his pectorals as they led down to his abs and belly button.

Nobody had ever paid Cloud such careful attention and the blond found himself charmed. It wasn't in his nature to lie back and just let his partner do his thing like this—he wanted to try harder to please his friend, to return the favor.

It was obvious Zack was much more skilled than he, however. The whole point of this, additionally, was to be a learning experience. For whatever reason Cloud merely watched with lidded eyes as Zack nipped at the soft skin of his lower stomach above his belt. With his other hookups Cloud had been self-conscious about removing his clothes; he was not disillusioned, and knew it was taking him a bit longer than most others to pack on the heavy muscle. He had been shirtless in front of Zack many times before though, and hardly thought anything of it.

Zack's hands found his belt and looked up at him questioningly. _That _was new. Cloud nodded and lifted up his hips so Zack could ease his jeans down. They got stuck around his ankles and Zack had to yank on them a few times. With exaggerated panting, he threw them against the far wall.

The SOLDIER was lying down on his belly. From Cloud's angle, with his head propped up on the pillows, he could see the muscles of Zack's back shifting as he parted Cloud's thighs and held his head just above them. Zack pressed a reassuring kiss to the soft skin there.

"Hey, Zack. D'you mind…if you take your pants off too? This feels weird."

Zack stripped himself without ceremony. To Cloud's relief he kept his underwear on, however.

"I was thinking they'd be a sunflower print," Cloud teased.

"Wow, you really never let an opportunity to make fun of my bathing suit pass you buy, huh?" Zack gave his bottom a gentle swat with the back of his hand, more playful than anything else, but something about it made Cloud's eyes go wide. "Alright. So rather than just going for it it's usually in your best interests to tease your partner a bit if you have time for it. They'll like it better, you will too."

Cloud nodded, appreciating that Zack was taking the time to teach him. It kept him from focusing too much on himself or getting embarrassed again about everything. To demonstrate Zack kissed the inside of Cloud's thighs again, small, gentle touches. His large hands held his thighs up and apart with ease. Cloud's clothed clock had been unsure what to do with itself thus far but it perked up in interest when Zack snapped the tight elastic of his boxer-briefs against his upper thigh.

The caring smooches moved from his thighs across his hipbone. Zack didn't seem to mind that his lips were touching soft cotton. The First's fingers curled under the waistband but before they pulled down those skilled lips drifted to the growing bulge so close by. Zack pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the curve of his cock through his underwear and glanced up at Cloud curiously through his lashes. The infantryman froze, his mouth slightly agape at the stupidly erotic sight.

"_Fuck, _Zack."

His friend snorted inelegantly. Without further ado Zack pulled down Cloud's underwear entirely. Cloud blushed horribly once they were off all the way and somewhere on the floor, his eyes cutting off to the side to inspect Zack's posters as he felt Zack's eyes on him.

"What are you so embarrassed for? I have one too, ya know."

Cloud laughed despite himself and patted his hot cheeks with his hands. He looked back to see Zack looking at his face and not between his legs, his mouth fixed into his usual crooked smile.

"I'm not."

"Sure you aren't." Zack winked. "You cool if I keep going?"

"Go for it."

Cloud's erection had flagged a little during the exchange but Zack didn't seem to mind. He pressed a teensy kiss to the tip of his cock before licking a long stripe up the length of it, his tongue pressed flat and wide. The blond's hands found Zack's head unthinkingly, and his fingers wormed deep into his spikes. Gentle suction had his eyes clenching shut as he breathed the SOLDIER's name, and once Zack had coaxed him into full hardness that suction increased in intensity.

Gasping and breathless, Cloud's fingers combed shakily through Zack's hair. He couldn't see much because the man's hair was ridiculous and flopped down in all directions, tickling the sensitive skin below his belly button. Still, he could imagine it—the slick ring of Zack's lips stretched around him, his kind eyes narrowed in concentration, the bob of his Adam's apple as his tongue worked on the underside or swirled around the tip.

And it was still _weird, _it absolutely was, picturing Zack Fair in this sort of situation. It was weirder still picturing this involving him as well. It was the weirdest of all to feel it, to be red in the face and have his thighs tremble on either side of that man's head. His best friend played him like a fiddle, and before long Cloud stuttered out, "Z-Zack, stoppit, stoppit."

Zack came up with a wet 'pop' and smiled at him. His lips were swollen and spitty and Cloud started to chuckle, dizzy from getting so close to orgasm. Zack crawled up his body and Cloud initiated their next kiss, cradling Zack's face in his hands with the utmost care. "Thank you," he murmured reverently.

"You don't have to thank me for nothin'," Zack replied. The infantryman shook his head and skittered his hands down Zack's back. There was so much to be grateful for; having a friend who was putting in the effort to help him this way, and so thoughtfully, deserved some praise.

"Can I try?"

"Uh, _duh_. You're welcome if you want to, but this is kinda supposed to be about you, man."

"I want to get more practice in, then."

"Wait, you've done this before?"

Cloud dropped to his knees on the carpet beside the bed and gestured for Zack to scoot closer. "Uh. Yeah. Twice."

"_Damn, _Spike! You're really not as innocent as I thought you were."

When Zack got close Cloud helped him remove his boxers and peered owlishly at the erection that bumped gently into his cheek as Zack jostled around and got comfortable. It seemed the man wanted to watch, sitting upright while leaning back on his hands. He raised one eyebrow challengingly as Cloud's gaze slid up his body to his face.

The proof that Zack was enjoying what was happening was right in his face—literally—but it was still difficult to comprehend that the SOLDIER got anything out of this at all. He had three dashing, perfect, successful boyfriends but still got a kick out of assisting a friend with his awkward virgin troubles. It was humbling.

The two other times he'd done this had been rushed. One had been in the darkness of an abandoned classroom after hours. His one allowed night with Zack stretched on ahead of him, however, and it wasn't even like he was trying to make Zack come anyway (gulp—that would presumably come later).

Zack was bigger than anything he'd handled before and he eyed it gamely as he decided how to proceed. His first touch was firm. Cloud wrapped his fingers around the girth of it and felt the weight in his palm, then pushed down towards the base. The side of his fist met the crisp dark hairs that framed Zack's cock. The soft skin had shifted with his stroke, making the veins underneath stand out. The head of Zack's cock was flushed a pretty red, and when Cloud kissed it much like Zack had done the whole thing twitched in his grasp.

Above him Zack let out a tense breath. "It ain't a science project."

Cloud rolled his eyes but his exploratory touches turned into something more substantial regardless. His lips parted around the flared head of Zack's dick. As he worked his tongue around the top of it he drew the tight ring of his fist back up. Zack sighed.

The blond ducked his head down farther, pausing for a moment as he got used to the feel of Zack's cock in his mouth. He swallowed experimentally and it was hard not to smile when Zack sighed again, a gentle, unassuming sound.

Breathing in carefully through his nose Cloud slid more of Zack's length into his mouth and down his throat. Another inch, and then another—and then Cloud abruptly coughed and backpedalled, coming off as he wiped at his watering eyes.

Zack smiled goofily at him. "Careful there, Spike."

The blond narrowed his eyes and went in for a second round. Okay, fine, he'd found his limit—he went back to that point and wrapped his fingers around what he couldn't get with his mouth (and there was a small moment of pride when he realized the disparity wasn't as big as he had been expecting. This may even be something he could get decent at, one day, with some more practice).

To Cloud's absolute delight Zack's arms trembled and he gave up sitting straight and flopped down backwards, his arms spread to either ends of the large mattress. Cloud's eyes narrowed in concentration, and a few minutes later Zack let out a shaky moan. "Dammit…" The mattress was very wide, and very long—probably purchased to accommodate Zack as well as two—or possibly three?—of his boyfriends, Cloud realized with a start. The thought that _he _was making his friend cry out in the bed he shared with _those three _made him redouble his efforts.

When his jaw started to ache uncomfortably he came off, deciding to treat Zack's erection to small, scattered licks and kisses instead as he worked his hand along the whole length, now slick from his efforts. Now _this _was something he was much more familiar with than a blowjob, and he smiled to himself as Zack flung one arm over his eyes. His abs were tight with tension and starting to glisten from sweat in the light of the ceiling fan (and wow, he hadn't even thought if he wanted to keep the lights on or off; he'd forgotten all about it). It was very strange to look out at Zack's aroused, spread-out body and appreciate it aesthetically, and not sexually.

Zack Fair was hot, yeah, _duh_. He knew that. He'd nursed a small crush on Zack for like a week after he met the man but it quickly died as he got to know him as more than just a pretty face. Zack was the actual, literal, serious best, and Cloud was honored, in a way, to do this for him—except, wait, it wasn't _for _him, as Zack had said. They were in it together.

Cloud had wanted to play with Zack's balls a little, because he had not gotten the chance to do so with anyone yet and it seemed, he figured, like a really nice thing to experience. Zack moved away before he could though, actually scuttled up the bed like a crab. "I have better places to be cumming than your mouth," he said.

"You did not just say that."

"I did." Zack's serious expression cracked. "Great job, Spike. Get up here."

Cloud's knees creaked when he did. Zack wrapped his arms around him when he got close and tugged Cloud onto his side. The bigger man spooned up behind him and nuzzled his face into the back of Cloud's neck. He wiggled like a child trying to get comfortable and fell still. Cloud gave a gentle hum. Despite the erect cock jabbing at his ass Zack's hug was… a hug. This man hugged him all the time—when he first saw him after returning from missions, when Cloud was feeling down, when he wanted to embarrass him in public. They were always platonic, and this, shockingly, was too.

"You good so far?"

"Good." Cloud took a moment to breathe, clear his head. "I'm ready for more."

Zack kissed the nape of his neck, shifting them back to this pseudo-intimate thing they'd constructed.

His friend got up off the bed and rooted around in his dresser drawer, presumably for condoms and lubricant. Despite all of that had happened in the past hour he couldn't stop the brief flash of horror that shot through him at the sight of _best friend ass_. Zack seemed totally unconcerned that he was naked.

"Gods, this is so strange."

Something hit him square on his forehead and Cloud focused on Zack, who'd thrown the condom at him and was pointing a finger in his direction.

"You come into _my _house and keep calling me names. You know I don't tolerate that shit Strife."

Cloud chucked the condom back, which Zack snatched out of the air with ease. "Maybe if I actually _liked _you I wouldn't call you names. Asshole."

Zack stomped closer, his face the perfect picture of controlled rage. He put one knee on the bed so he could reach out and grab Cloud's ankle, yanking the blond down the bed with it. By then Cloud was giggling too hard to keep up the façade.

"I was thinking… for your first time I should probably be the, uh, penetrative partner. If you don't know what you're doing it can get tricky being on the other end, and I don't want you to worry too much. This is about you learning, yeah, but also enjoying yourself. I told you I'd take care of you. We can do whatever you want though."

Cloud had put a lot of thought into this but hadn't said anything aloud. Heat creeped into his cheeks as he replied, "Yeah… no, that sounds fine."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

They moved together back to the top of the bed and Cloud settled back against the pillows. Zack grabbed one from the side and put it underneath his hips. The SOLDIER noticed him watching and said, "I'm going to make Sephiroth sleep on the pillow your ass was all over."

"_Zack_."

"I know you'd get a kick out of that, don't lie."

Cloud's face morphed into horror. Zack knew about his crush? Crush_es_? His friend laughed easily at him and ran his hands over Cloud's hips. "Relax, Spike. It's all cool."

He reached for the small bottle of lube—previously opened and half-used, Cloud noticed—and hummed to himself as he surveyed Cloud. Slightly nervous, the infantryman tried to close his legs again, but Zack parted them with hardly any effort at all.

"First rule," he said, holding up a finger. "Whether it's you or whoever, you've gotta prepare first. If you go sticking a dick anywhere you want willy-nilly you're going to get a whole lotta pain, tearing, the whole deal. Never skimp on this—and it's a good idea to err on the side of being over prepared than under. At the very least use lube and stuff. I mean, some people are into pain and all that and choose to go in dry or close to it—but this wouldn't even be a good pain."

"Got it."

To Cloud's surprise Zack took his hand and squirted a dollop of the clear, sticky substance on his palm. "Have at it," he muttered, already distracted and considering Cloud's ass again. The blond flushed as he realized Zack wanted him to jerk off. He took a sniff of the lube and paused at the weird smell. It was a plain, unscented kind, which was a relief; having strawberry or the warming kind or whatever would have been too much.

He gave his now half-hard cock a couple of hesitant strokes, but to his relief Zack didn't sit back and watch him, just glanced approvingly at his motions for a moment. Instead he worked the lube onto his fingers and cupped them in front of his mouth, huffing warmly on them. "You ever do this before?"

"Oh, yeah," Cloud breathed in answer, distracted, his eyes closing.

"Whaaat?"

The blond peeked one eye open to find Zack staring at him in disbelief. "Oh. Not with anybody else—uh, on my own."

Zack's eyebrows rose higher and he laughed. "Well, shit! Alright then. That makes my job easier."

Without ceremony, then, Zack circled Cloud's asshole with a slick finger. Cloud twitched at the sensation and automatically spread his legs a little wider, lifting his head higher to watch as Zack slid that finger inside him. It was shallow, gently stretching the tight ring of muscle. Zack pulled it out and circled again, ensuring that everything was oiled before he pushed it back in, this time deeper.

Cloud exhaled as he shifted his hips slightly to help take it in. The sensation of a finger up there wasn't so foreign (it wasn't a super regular thing but he'd clumsily fingered himself often enough) but the biggest difference was in how it wasn't him performing it. Zack's finger stroked against his hot, fragile flesh from inside of its own accord. He couldn't predict what it would do next, and the thought of what was really happening finally sunk in.

"Uh, question," he said, his voice weak.

"Hm?"

It felt strange, but not badly, when Zack slowly slid in another finger. The stretch was increased and they moved together. His fingers parted in a scissoring motion and Cloud's breath caught, tightening his grip around his own cock. "I've gotta ask. You've got three boyfriends—hasn't there ever been, at least once, an incident where…?"

Zack laughed loudly, his startled amusement echoing off the walls. "Are you talking about shit?" At Cloud's mortified nod he laughed even more, but didn't pause his gentle exploration. "Uh, I mean. It's just a fact of anal sex, buddy. Sometimes you get, uh, surprised."

"That's so disgusting. What do you do then?"

"Fuck the other person instead? Let them have a bathroom break? You can do whatever you want man, it isn't a huge deal. Shit happens."

"You're not funny."

"I'm hilarious."

Cloud forgot all about his embarrassment when Zack's fingers, after taking a more determined approach for a few moments, struck something inside him that made him clench around them and dig his head back into the pillow. "_Fuck, _Zack!" His friend did not respond but placed his sticky free hand on Cloud's pelvis to hold him still as his fingers stroked that spot again, and then again.

Cloud's thighs trembled and he let go of his cock, afraid he'd come too soon if he stimulated it any more. It bounced back against his belly as he thrust his hips up for more and drew his knees back to his chest. He locked his ankles around Zack's neck. He still had his socks on, he noted absently, and used his toes to peel them off, focusing desperately hard on the task to avoid getting overwhelmed from the electrifying pleasure Zack was sending through his bones.

"Relax. You're getting all worked up."

"Of course I'm worked up," Cloud complained, but did as Zack asked. He spread his arms out towards the edge of the bed and let out a great exhale. Zack, who had stilled, waited until Cloud had calmed before starting to move again.

Thus far nothing had been uncomfortable, but the addition of a third finger gave Cloud pause. It didn't hurt but it was…_new_, surely; he'd never used three on himself. Zack's easygoing features were focused in unnatural concentration. So careful, he was.

"Aww, Cloud," Zack cooed a minute later, "You're so cute."

"Shut the hell up," Cloud squeaked, mortified.

"Come on! You got a cute butt. That's a good thing!"

"Shut _up_," Cloud moaned, whacking the heel of his right foot against the hard muscles of Zack's bare back. He moaned once more when Zack brushed his prostate again. He was red and trembling, and half wanted to crawl away from Zack because this was torture, surely, but that broad hand on his body prevented it.

"Zack," he sobbed, his hands fisting in his own hair, "You're killing me."

"I wouldn't wanna do that, would I?" The SOLDIER's voice was husky, and the growl of it went straight to Cloud's dick. His fingers gently slid out leaving the other feeling curiously empty. Cloud peered up at him, and Zack's eyes swept from the pinkened, twitching results of his handiwork to Cloud's face. "You're a sexy kid," he said simply. "You good?"

"Good. Come on, old man, let's do this."

Zack laughed as he fished the condom off the floor from where it had fallen. "We're three years apart."

"So don't call me 'kid.'"

"Whatever. You love it."

Cloud did not deny it and stayed quiet as Zack opened the tiny package. "You know how to put these on the right way?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

Zack thus stroked himself back into hardness, hissing briefly through his teeth. Cloud watched him with careful eyes. The condom was rolled on without preamble and Zack walked closer on his knees. His mouth twisted in thought and then he laid down behind Cloud. One arm slipped between his waist and the bed and tugged him back against the SOLDIER's chest. Cloud frowned, worried about squashing the man's arm, but concluded he could take it.

Curiously Cloud wiggled back until he and Zack were snug. His friend nuzzled against his ear from behind and spoke softly into it, "There's a lot of ways to do this, but I figure this'll be good at first. It's easy this way."

"Oh. O-Okay." Cloud let out a shaky breath.

This was happening.

They maneuvered until Cloud had one leg raised slightly, and bent at the knee. Zack breathed unevenly into Cloud's ear as he worked more lube onto himself. Cloud was kind of glad he couldn't see it; Zack's cock was suddenly intimidating, pressing hot against the curve of his ass. The position, actually, was genius. Looking into Zack's face right now would have been overwhelming—even if he was a friend. That didn't mean that Zack wasn't close-by and intimate. Cloud could feel every ridge of his body pressed against his back, and the breath against his cheek and kind words in his ear were reassuring.

This was happening, but Cloud could handle it.

"You ready?"

"Mm."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"_Yes._"

"Are you suuure? You wanna call Momma Strife right now and check? Make sure she's cool with it?"

"Haha—do it, Zack."

And Zack did. He fiddled for a second, parting Cloud's cheeks with his fingers and then replacing them with the blunt head of his cock. It bumped against Cloud's stretched asshole and he clenched in worry. Zack placed a reassuring kiss behind his ear and Cloud relaxed.

Zack slowly pressed in. Once the wide head of his cock sank in past the tightest part of him Cloud's toes and legs unclenched from their involuntary spasm, but he still couldn't catch his breath. Zack paused halfway, his own damp breath stuttering and uneven against the side of Cloud's face. The blond was frozen, unsure if he wanted Zack to go deeper or withdraw.

Luckily Zack decided for him, withdrawing until he was stretched wide again by the head. It didn't hurt, not really, but was a sweet sort of ache that made his hand find Zack's on his ribcage and clutch at it. The man pushed forward again, this time surely, solidly, until Cloud felt the affectionate brush of the man's balls against his own.

"Ssshit," Zack was hissing nonsensically behind him. "Y-You good, Spike?"

"_So_ good," Cloud breathed, amazed to find it was the truth.

Gently at first, Zack fucked him. His hips moved forward with an unstoppable certainty each time, driving every inch of his hot, hard shaft into Cloud. It got easier when Cloud began to push his hips back, meeting Zack's thrusts halfway. Zack gave a distracted grunt of praise.

The sensation of being filled this way was almost overwhelming. Cloud clung to the sensation of Zack gripping him and the sound of his voice, anchoring him against waves of electrifying pleasure that washed over him every time Zack pushed in. It took a few minutes but then, almost by accident, he brushed against that sweet spot from within and Cloud convulsed in Zack's grip, letting out a throaty groan.

"Fuck, Zack, that's good…"

"This is First Class dick you're getting, no duh it's—"

Cloud reached back, harshly struck Zack in the bicep with his elbow, and the First's words died off with a snicker. Zack was trying a little too hard to keep him happy and laughing, but Cloud desperately appreciated it. He couldn't imagine doing this, figuring it all out for the first time in awkward silence, nor with any of his infantry buddies. He couldn't imagine doing this with anyone but Zack, actually.

They managed to find a rhythm. Zack growled encouragement into his ear, assuring him he was doing just fine, and Cloud muttered back hazy praise, unable to communicate effectively how unbearably fucking _good _this was.

The position was fine but as Cloud's confidence increased and he realized that, no, this wasn't nearly as bad as he had been expecting, he decided he wanted to see Zack. He gasped the man's name and breathed, "Hold on."

Zack instantly stilled, and the hand pressed against his side flattened and spread, giving him a gentle pet. "Can we switch it up?" he asked. Cloud wiggled until Zack withdrew, sliding out of him with a bit of soreness and a wet squelch that made his cheeks burn. Despite wanting to move Cloud was unsure what exactly he wanted to do now; he glanced at Zack for help and the man swished his mouth to the side in thought.

"Umm… Alright, come here."

Zack perched on the edge of the bed with his feet flat against the floor, and he gestured for Cloud to straddle him. The blond did with a blush—wow, this was actually _it_—and Zack held his dick still with one hand as he helped ease Cloud down onto it with his other. It was both the same and different—the stretch was familiar but the way the rigid flesh sat inside him felt new. The angle, maybe? It felt deeper like this too; Cloud trembled when he sank down all the way. His eyes closed and he hugged Zack's neck, resting his head against Zack's for a moment. "Okay," he murmured, and met Zack's gaze.

The SOLDIER helped ease him up, then snapped his hips up at the same time he used his grip on Cloud's hips to jerk him down. The blond went utterly silent, unable to even groan as Zack set a quick pace. Like last time, it took a few false starts but soon Cloud had found their rhythm again. Almost every pass of Zack's cock struck that spot inside him.

Not even the sound of balls slapping against his ass could embarrass him at this point—Cloud was too far gone. The blond growled in the back of his throat and pulled Zack forward into a rough kiss. He bit at the older man's bottom lip and then sucked it into his mouth, tonguing the tiny points of pain he'd created. Zack grabbed at Cloud's cock, trapped between their bodies.

The tight, slippery hole that was Zack's curled fingers and palm combined with the ceaseless push and pull of that dick inside him was almost too much. Cloud's kisses grew distracted and weak; Zack abandoned his mouth and focused on his neck instead. The sharp feeling of teeth against the fluttering pulse in his neck brought the world back into clarity.

"Zack," Cloud choked. "I'm gonna…"

"Hold on buddy," Zack replied. Cloud had been expecting him to jerk him off faster, or growl something dirty in his ear, and he frowned. To his surprise Zack lifted him up right off his cock and he stood, holding the blond up like he weighed nothing. Occasionally Zack did this, if they were wrestling playfully or Zack was teasing, but in this context it was fucking hot. "Lemme catch up."

He laid Cloud down on the bed on his back and furiously stroked himself, his eyes dark as he surveyed the panting, fucked-out blond relaxing against the pillows. Cloud had been annoyed at the delay of his orgasm but now that he had a moment to breathe could appreciate that Zack wanted to come together. He bumped his foot against Zack's thigh and smiled. Without pausing his masturbation Zack tickled the sole with his free hand.

When Zack leant over him again Cloud hiked up his legs without needing to be prompted. He wanted his friend close and hooked his ankles together around the small of Zack's back. The SOLDIER trembled as he pushed in, slow and gentle at first, but that quickly gave way to a faster, although still careful, staccato. There was a goal now.

Cloud experimentally clenched his inner muscles and Zack gasped, whispering against his mouth like a prayer, "_Shit, _Spike…"

The knowledge that he could make Zack feel good drove him wild. The SOLDIER had a full-body flush, and the visible evidence of his pleasure was doing wonders for Cloud's self-confidence. Zack, who had volunteered for this out of the goodness of his heart, because he hated seeing Cloud upset and struggling. Zack, the one with the three gorgeous boyfriends who, really, shouldn't be even giving Cloud the time of day, let alone fucking him so thoroughly in the bed he shared with the others.

Shit, his boyfriends—

Cloud was an extraordinarily quiet lover but he groaned loudly at the thought of Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis in his position. On their backs, looking up into Zack's handsome face as the head of his cock kissed their prostate repeatedly, spreading them wide. He ached, but it was a good ache. He felt like he couldn't breathe, but each exhale of Zack's against his mouth reinvigorated his lungs. He used what small voice he could manage to moan, "Zack—I can't…"

"Ya ready?" Zack's voice was the most unsteady Cloud had ever heard it.

Cloud nodded and reached down between their bodies to grasp his wet, leaking cock. Zack came first with a curse, burying his face in Cloud's neck. Zack's thrusts grew slow and deep as the man milked his own orgasm, one, two—and then Cloud felt all the tension inside him snap like a cord as his own hit. His breathing stopped altogether as he shuddered through it. Cloud's legs trembled and spasmed as he spattered their bellies with semen, the rest dribbling out over his fingers.

The infantryman had never been very good with words and he failed utterly when trying to describe the experience of cumming with Zack's still-bucking cock inside him. There was no good way to vocalize his contentment when Zack pressed soothing kisses to the side of his neck and spoke gently to him as he came back down, nor the incredibly sweet ache as he withdrew for the last time. Cloud watched, dazed, as Zack removed the condom and tied it off. The condom had been clear but the fluid inside glowed a faint green.

His country drawl came out in full force when he finally said, "Zack. That was fuckin' great, man."

Zack did not look nearly as rumpled as Cloud felt but he flopped down next to Cloud with a groan of pure exhaustion. "Glad to hear it," he mumbled into the pillow. He rolled over onto his side after a moment. "You're good?"

Cloud smiled, blissed out, finally unconcerned with his nakedness. "Good."

The SOLDIER smiled gently at him, and then disappeared for a minute. He returned with a damp and warm washcloth that he tossed to Cloud, which the blond used to wipe down all of his stickiness. As he tried to look dignified while ridding his asscrack of drying lube the green light of a Cura washed over him.

Zack just shrugged at Cloud's look. "You would have been sore later. I'd be a shitty friend if I didn't heal ya if I was able to."

Zack was not a shitty friend—he was the _best _friend. Cloud had no idea how to communicate that either. There was a small moment of awkwardness as Zack laid down next to him, not touching, but then Cloud went in for the plunge and cuddled up to his friend. Zack's arms looped sturdy and familiar around his body.

"I'll warn ya, I'm a total sleeper after an orgasm like that," Zack mumbled into his soft spikes. "But before I doze off, I wanna know. You had fun?"

"Of course I did."

"You enjoyed yourself?"

"Yeah. That was… so much better than I expected it to be."

"And you're not upset at all? Not mourning the loss of your innocence? Nibel gods not pissed off?"

"I think I'm good."

"You sure? We can still call up your mom and check…"

Cloud laughed more freely than he had all evening. Zack snickered himself and settled more heavily into the bedding. "Alright," he murmured, "I'm out. Maybe we'll make breakfast or something in the morning…"

He trailed off and it wasn't long at all before his soft breathing filled the room. Cloud stayed awake a short while longer, but he was sleepy himself. He stared at his hand, curled comfortably on the comforter.

It was the same hand he'd had yesterday despite being used for all sorts of new things in the past few hours. He didn't feel that different at all, really—just tired, and happy, and kind of pleasantly shocked by himself. No Nibel gods struck him with lightning in his bed that night.

* * *

><p><em>Oh wow, thank you <strong>so<strong> much, everyone! The feedback has been just fantastic - thank you, thank you for all the encouragement and support. You guys are getting me through this fic, for sure. So much love._


	3. Chapter 3

A very surprised and very loud "woah!" woke Cloud up the following morning. Zack's warm skin threatened to pull him immediately back to sleep, but he forced himself to crack an eye open to survey his friend, see if anything was wrong. Zack was twisting around to peer at him.

"Damn. Good _morning, _Spike."

Zack smelled very nice indeed, like cinnamony hand soap. Maybe he'd just gotten back from the bathroom. Cloud grunted, and then froze. _Bathroom. _

He shook his head and pushed himself dazedly up to one elbow, but then got another shock, one separate from the aching pain on his bladder. Despite having what was almost certainly the best orgasm of his life the night before, he was hard again and poking Zack in the lower back with it. That explained Zack's look of amused shock.

"Ugh. Sorry." He covered himself with his hands and tried to climb over Zack to get out, but his friend wrapped his arms around him and towed him into his lap.

"Aw! You're so darn cute when you're sleepy Spike. Lemme hug you."

"Zack. I gotta piss like a racing chocobo. Let go."

Cloud awkwardly waddled to the bathroom and had a seriously inconvenient piss, squatting awkwardly as he tried to ignore his morning wood and tried to remember just how many of Commander Rhapsodos's ciders he'd drank. He stared at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands. His hair was a wreck, his eyes were slightly red, his lips were bruised—actually bruised, there was a small darkish mark on his upper one, woah. He spent a moment fiddling with it—and as expected his neck was littered in hickeys.

This was the visage of someone who'd gotten _fucked_.

A deflowered man, he was. Virginal no more. He continued to watch himself, appalled, and then a wide smile spread over his face.

There were five toothbrushes in Zack's holder. One was Cloud's that had appeared about a month ago, since sometimes he came over for food and wanted to be good for impromptu inspections, but also because he'd slept over on the couch once or twice. The others almost certainly belonged to Commanders Rhapsodos and Hewley, and General Sephiroth. He poked one hesitantly and blushed at the whole thing.

He brushed his teeth and splashed some water and soap on his face, then penguin-walked back out, hands clasped in front of his crotch. To his surprise Zack had kicked off the covers entirely and was lounging on his bed with an arm bent behind his head, leisurely stroking his cock, already hard and flushed.

"You wanna get more practice in?" Zack asked, winking at the dumbfounded blond.

Despite going cold with shock Cloud gravitated towards Zack's warmth like the man was a magnet, climbing on the bed and sitting back on his heels by Zack's feet. "Um," he said smartly. "I thought you only had permission for last night."

"Nah. We've got this morning too. They didn't seriously think we were gonna fuck last night and that I would be able to resist at least kissing you this morning. It's totally fine."

The man's fist moved up, wringing a thick, sticky drop of pre-come from his slit. He spread it around the mushroomed head with his thumb before starting the descent back down. Cloud's mouth watered.

"…You sure?"

"Yeah."

Cloud shuffled forward on his knees until he was between Zack's spread thighs. His hands came down on them and he stared at the entire situation for a moment. The SOLDIER's skin was darker than his naturally, but the region from his waist to his knees was a few shades lighter compared to the rest of him. That stupid bathing suit, Cloud concluded with a grin. Zack had been on a mission to Costa and had gotten some swimming in fairly recently, if he remembered correctly. The dark hairs on his shins gradually thinned as they reached his thighs. Where Cloud's ass had been nearly baby-smooth parts of Zack's was a little fuzzy, though not in a way that was intimidating.

His eyes slid back up Zack's body to his face to find that the man was watching him evenly. His eyebrows rose in invitation. "You want to fuck me?"

The grip on Zack's thighs tightened. "Really?"

"Only if you want to."

Cloud swallowed. "I want to."

"Cool."

The blond crawled up Zack's body the rest of the way and plopped down on him, their bare chests pressed together. When their lips met, both were smiling. Cloud had anticipated awkwardness, honestly. Even if it hadn't been from Zack he at least had envisioned himself being shy, closed-off, and uncomfortably reliving every last moment of the previous night. How did people even _look _at each other after sex? he'd wondered.

In actuality, it wasn't bad at all. He _was _reliving the previous night—Zack stretching him open, his stupid jokes, the way his voice had gone all shaky as he'd come while still fucking him—but it made him press his forehead to Zack's and kiss him harder, not shy away and hide.

There was a variety pack of condoms in Zack's dresser drawer that he picked through until he found his size. "I didn't know what you'd be," his friend shrugged from the bed. "But now I know. Mega, Ultra XL Buster Sword sized."

"Shut up," Cloud complained, embarrassed. He'd grabbed a medium and a small if the medium was too big. He doubted the differences were that great, because if most owners of penises got their way they'd all be XL, right? The things were supposed to be stretchy; he'd be fine.

When he returned he deliberately avoided watching Zack pump that delicious cock and instead watched his face. "What do you want me to do?"

Zack lifted a leg and spread both, unashamedly exposing his entrance. "Have at it, buddy."

Cloud exhaled and ran his hands along Zack's leg from ankle to hip, thinking it over. He nodded to himself. The lube had fallen onto the floor the night before and he retrieved it. "Ew," he muttered as he experimentally played with the substance, pressing his fingers together and then drawing them away. Zack was smiling at him but did not rush it. He knew, like Cloud did, that this was the application of what Cloud had learned the night before.

He didn't have to put everything he'd learned to the test however. Zack clearly didn't need turning-on and his throaty encouragement as Cloud slid that first finger inside him was entirely excited, and void of pain. He was a lot more used to this than Cloud, and it wasn't long before the blond had three fingers of his own inside his friend. Cloud's touches were careful and curious, his jaw dropping unconsciously as he observed.

With some trial and error he discovered what it took to make Zack suck in a breath or smile hazily at him, his cheeks flushed a pretty pink. At first he just sort of…reached in and poked around, like waving a broom at a spider-web covered corner of your basement. When he had a method to his madness and tried to imitate what Zack had done to him last night, controlled strokes meant to bring pleasure as well as loosen him up, it went much better.

"What are you thinking?" Zack asked him. Cloud glanced up his body again. While lounging back like this Zack was quite unlike a puppy, but more like a giant cat. The power in his taut abs and clenching thighs was plain. Cloud had no business fucking _fingering _a powerful SOLDIER like Zack but he was because Zack was allowing the contact. The blond swallowed thickly.

"I'm thinking… that I'm not the only one with a cute asshole."

Said asshole clenched around his fingers repeatedly with the force of Zack's laughter at his statement. It really was quite pretty. Cloud had a question burning on the tip of his tongue about self-care, because he'd heard some guys talking about porn stars and bleached assholes and that sort of thing. No matter how comfortable he was with Zack this morning he couldn't bring himself to ask _that_.

Instead he shifted up to kiss Zack again. It was an intimate gesture and was one of the oddest things to be doing with his best friend, but it was…terribly nice. There was something especially connecting about them both having used the same toothpaste that morning. Spearmint-scented breath fogged between them. Zack's tongue lewdly fucked his mouth and Cloud's back arched at the pleasure of it, his brain hazy again.

Eventually they broke away and Cloud returned to the task at hand—or fingers, really. He chuckled to himself nervously and glanced at Zack's face. The older man's expression was nothing but encouraging.

Cloud had been hard as hell since he'd woken up. He rolled his condom on and got close, feeling suddenly clumsy and inelegant. "Relax," Zack drawled, smirking at him as he worked that thick, heavy erection. "Just go for it."

Gentle hands moved to the backs of Zack's knees and pushed. He was heavy, though, and Zack helped him out, the muscles of his core contracting as he held his ass in the air. Fumbling fingers lined up his slippery cock and he slowly sank in.

When Zack had done the same to him the night before Cloud had been petrified, unsure what to do, and speechless from the feeling. Zack did not seem nearly as affected—used to it, perhaps, or maybe just humoring this awkward first try from someone who was just barely not-a-virgin—and merely smiled at him. Maybe his hand was moving a little faster. "You can keep going."

Cloud pushed in until there was no more to give and stilled, trembling like a leaf. "Oh…my god, Z-Zack," he whispered, shuddering. "This is—"

It was unlike anything Cloud had experienced before, and it got worse. Zack tightened around him from within with the ease of someone who'd had a lot of practice at it and Cloud's grip on the backs of Zack's knees failed altogether as he braced his hands on Zack's chest. His breathing was erratic and he curled his spine. His forehead touched down on the other's skin.

"Fuuuck, Zack."

Zack laughed and grabbed the back of his own knees to make it easier for him. "Damn, you're cute."

"I don't want to be—_fuck, _stop doing that for a minute, Gaia—cute!" Cloud panted, and then muffled a laugh into Zack's skin. "I want to be an… unstoppable sexy fuckdemon."

"Make all those infantry panties wet, huh?" Zack winked at him, and then his voice grew commanding, the same tone he used when they were training. "I know you can do it. Show me what you got, Strife."

At least once a week Zack Fair pulled something out of Cloud Strife that he hadn't known he possessed, whether it was a reserve of courage and strength at the point of exhaustion or a new sword technique. It happened again. Cloud straightened up, put both his hands on either side of that round, firm ass and snapped his hips forward.

Zack did not lose himself like Cloud had. He did not tremble or cry out or beg, but he did murmur encouragingly, his voice a low growl, "Yeah, that's it."

Fucking someone's ass was totally new but totally fun. Cloud figured out what he liked best—longer, deeper, slower thrusts, as opposed to a frenzied, messy humping—and slowly what Zack seemed to like too. He had no idea how to search for someone's prostate but was fairly sure he hit it a few times by accident.

The tight, gripping heat around his cock was out of this world; Cloud figured that his good sense was somewhere out there sailing the cosmos as well. Zack had looked so handsome when fucking him but Cloud was positive he looked like he was constipated. His face was red and the veins in his neck bulged and his hair was in his goddamn eyes and sticking to his forehead but he couldn't even _care. _Thrusting his hips forward and sliding them back over and over was consuming, swallowed up all rational thought; he desperately hoped in the back of his mind that Zack was enjoying himself, because being any more considerate than this was beyond him.

That grip around him abruptly increased in intensity again. Zack looked smug, the asshole, as he deliberately clenched once more. "Zack," Cloud choked, "P-Please, you gotta stop doing that—"

It was too late. Zack did it again, trying to make him lose it, but it worked a bit too well. Cloud's orgasm hit him out of nowhere and he curled over Zack again, helpless. He was pissed and fucked him savagely until it was over and he had to pull out, shaking.

"Oh my god," he wheezed, once the irrational anger faded, "I'm so sorry—"

"Quiet," Zack said. His voice had taken on that surprisingly dominant quality again and he held out one hand. "Come here."

Still mortified and feeling more like an inexperienced teenage boy than he ever had, Cloud clambered up Zack's body. The SOLDIER yanked him in for brutal kisses as his hand started to fly around his cock. Cloud broke away to peer behind him at it. Zack's cock was wet and reddened, the head shiny with pre-come. Cloud _wanted _it, but Zack didn't let him crawl down to help out; his teeth and lips worked against Cloud's neck, the blond feeling like he was being devoured, before working his way back up to Cloud's mouth.

"Sorry," he panted between long, drawn out moments of tongues sliding together, "Didn't mean to be scary. I just… didn't want you apologizing for stupid shit. It's cool, Spike."

Cloud shouldn't have worried quite so much. Zack wasn't laughing at him, and only smiled fondly before leaning up to kiss him again. Cloud was happy to do this, to relax against Zack's body and make out, like something real boyfriends or lovers would have done.

Zack pressed his face into Cloud's neck when he came and Cloud made out his muffled, "Shit, shitshitshit…"

The hand Zack had cradling the back of Cloud's head moved down and to the side so Zack could hug him. That hug grew into a squeeze and Zack rolled on top of Cloud. The SOLDIER wiggled like a puppy so excited its entire body shook instead of just its tail.

"Stop squishing me!" Cloud exclaimed, delighted. Zack gave him a noogie and the both of them grinned at each other, their faces hurting.

"Eew, you didn't take your condom off. Why not?"

"You didn't give me a chance to," Cloud said irritably, and sat up so he could pull it off. He tied it carefully and shook the tiny latex bag of jizz in Zack's face. "Look. It doesn't glow green."

"Get it _away,_" Zack cried, swatting at it like a terrified, stereotypical old woman in a movie. He knocked it out of Cloud's hands and the blond hurried out of bed to retrieve it, then throw it in the trash.

"I _am_ sorry," Cloud mumbled as he sat back on the bed. "I tried to warn you. That was—too much."

Zack smiled easily at him. "No worries. We were all there once. Once you do this a few more times and maybe pass another birthday you'll get it under control. Speaking of that, have you put any thought into what you wanna do?"

They had a totally normal, totally chaste conversation about Cloud's birthday party naked in bed, still covered in hickies and come and spit. Zack's stomach growled after they discussed what cake Zack would cajole Angeal into making and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Hey. If I let you use the shower first will you make breakfast? You know I can't cook."

Cloud grinned. "Deal."

Breakfast passed just like any other breakfast, except for the occasional snort of laughter as they talked about something that had happened while they were together, like Zack's horrible one-liners.

"Do you feel better about it now? Like you can go do what you want to do with less worrying?"

"Definitely."

"Then we accomplished our goal, Spike. Awesome. And just to double check—you're not upset, are you?"

"Zack." Cloud frowned at him. "I think this is the happiest I've ever been."

When Cloud left the apartment they embraced. It was tighter than they were used to, and longer, but they had fucked for crying out loud, it was doubtful a little bodily contact between them would ever make Cloud uncomfortable again. Despite the intensity and length the hug was entirely platonic, and when Cloud strutted back to the elevator his face ached from all the smiling.

* * *

><p>Cloud Strife dropped into his seat in the corner of the Shin-Ra Infantry cafeteria like it was a throne. He first placed down his tray, carefully so his apple didn't roll around too much. Then he stood up straight, looked around at his subjects, none of whom were paying him any attention, and hefted one leg over the bench with such flare it was as if they all <em>were<em>. Carefully, with his posture rigid and his head held high, he sat down. His ass rotated against the hard seat as he slung his other leg over the bench slowly, even seductively. Both boots pressed against the floor, slightly-sticky from something spilled earlier that hadn't gotten mopped up. Disrespectful, unimaginable for a throne!

His water bottle was the most phallic thing he'd had near his mouth since an actual phallus two nights ago. After sipping from it Cloud's tongue came out to wet his lips, and he surveyed the cafeteria.

These were not infantrymen and women. These were blue-clad _prey. _

Cloud Strife was no King but he was undeniably a Ruler—he ruled a new kingdom, one just conquered. Now he was powerful, attractive, inviting, and had control over something previously elusive—his own sexuality. Now he knew how to fuck and how to be fucked. What else was there, really?

It took a few days for Cloud's ridiculous, self-absorbed thoughts to simmer down, high as he was on his success, and the memories of his fantastical night with Zack. For a few days Cloud felt like he was the hottest thing in HQ. He eventually calmed, a little, but during those few days Cloud had his first _real _encounter with someone with whom he hadn't discussed everything in detail beforehand and who wasn't his best friend.

Lee was one of the boys who did morning drills with him. He was on the shorter side, much like Cloud, and had been the first one to give him a blowjob months ago, in a supply closet in some back corner of an unimportant floor in the building. They fucked in that same supply closet, with Lee's hands braced against the door as Cloud pounded into him from behind. They'd knocked over a mop and spilled some industrial cleaner by accident but Cloud was counting the whole thing as a success overall.

He hadn't come prematurely, at least.

The first thing Cloud did—seriously, as he was jogging down the stairs to go back to his dorm afterward—was call Zack.

"I did it," He huffed, his voice nothing but excitement, "I had sex. On my own. With a guy."

Zack cheered for him, and Cloud's grin lit up the dark stairwell. "Look at you go," Zack cried, "They grow up so fast! I'm proud of you!"

In fact, Zack heard just about everything. He had sort of adopted Cloud's sexuality, in a way. He was the one to take care of it and breathe careful life into it, and gave it the tools to survive out on its own—so he was invested.

Seeing Zack in person for the first time after they'd hooked up was a bit awkward, but only for a few minutes. The man had just gotten out of the shower when Cloud dropped by, and had a date with Sephiroth in half an hour. Cloud's eyes lingered on his still-damp skin and the deep muscled v's of his hipbones that pointed to the soft bulge in his sweatpants for a moment too long, but he shook himself out of the sudden vivid memory replaying in his head.

Instead of being hung up on their own hookup, however, the two men brushed it off for the more important things at hand. Zack took the time to listen to Cloud talk about his experience, smiling fondly the whole time.

The SOLDIER ruffled his hair before disappearing to get dressed up for his date. "Have fun," he told him, "Just remember to use your judgment. You deserve the best, Spike." His head poked back into the living room after a few moments. "Also, hey. I was talking to the boys and they want to meet you. Come eat dinner with us."

"_What_?"

Zack quirked an eyebrow. "Dinner. You. Me. Angeal, Genesis, Sephiroth. They wanna meet you properly now." At Cloud's disgruntled look he added, "Since we had sex twice and all."

That was the last thing Cloud wanted to do and he tried to nix the idea. "Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable though?" He really meant _wouldn't I? _

"No I wouldn't. I want you to meet them." Cloud was clearly unwilling so Zack sighed. "Look Cloud, they put a lot of faith in me when I spoke to them about how important to me you were. They put a lot of faith in _you _too. They just want to meet the guy I thought was special enough to have _sex _with when he needed me. Is that so bad?"

"No…" Cloud shook his head, feeling guilty. "It isn't."

Cloud didn't _deserve _anyone anything, but it was just common courtesy. The Legendary SOLDIER Trio had done him a massive favor. Without Zack and his goofy laugh, kind touch and careful attentions Cloud's first time could have been really shitty. He appreciated it so much… yes, he could meet them. It would make Zack happy, if nothing else.

"Good," Zack said, winked at him, and went to get dressed in his bedroom.

In the week that followed Cloud tried to be evasive about the date of the dinner, busying himself in the gym during his evening hours so he wouldn't be free. He busied himself with something else too, and Zack also learned about the others.

After Lee came Henry, who had fucked Cloud stupid in his own bed when everyone else was at lunch. He hadn't known where he was or even who his partner was for a few minutes after he came, still trembling and seeing spots. The kid was in his Materia Theory class and they hadn't talked before, but Henry had caught Cloud looking and that was that.

There was Stella, whose Sector 4 patrol route often passed his. Usually they stopped and chatted with each other for a while before passing on. Cloud had never had sexual contact with a girl but the mechanics weren't that hard to figure out, and the small, dark corner outside behind a building suited their purposes nicely. Carrying a condom around in his inner uniform pocket was turning out to be an extremely great idea. He lied about the location though, knowing his friend would scold him for doing that while on patrol and in the Infantry blues.

"A girl?" Zack asked, his eyes bulging. "I know you said you liked 'em but I didn't think you'd… damn, Cloud!"

There was Rio, when both he and Cloud had been drunk over the weekend. They tried to do it out in the dark on the obstacle course they each had to agonizingly run through twice a week, but had toppled off one of the structures into some mud. It failed to compare to Zack's warm, inviting bed. Zack laughed so hard at the incident Cloud thought he was going to pee himself.

There was Jatin on Tuesday who Cloud barely knew, but he was hot. They hadn't spoken a word to each other throughout the whole thing and pretended it didn't happen when they passed each other afterward in the hall. Cloud, annoyed, flipped him off when his back was turned and couldn't help but remember the way Zack had been so warm and touchy, kissing his neck and pressing his joyous smile into Cloud's skin.

To his horror, at one of their little meetings where Cloud told him about all of these people Zack gave him a solidified date. Thursday night Cloud was supposed to report to Zack's apartment at 1900 hours in order to meet Zack's boyfriends. The idea made him feel sick, but he developed no sniffles or aches. He had no valid excuse to get out of it.

Cloud knew wanting to avoid this dinner was rude. He'd always wanted to meet Genesis Rhapsodos, Sephiroth, and Angeal Hewley, after all—he had the poster on his wall back home to prove it. Just… did the situation have to be because Cloud had lost his virginity to their collective boyfriend, another SOLDIER First Class?

He did what was quickly becoming his go-to de-stresser in the hours before.

"We have to hurry this up," he murmured regretfully, his hand stroking gently through his friend Dominic's hair. The other infantryman's eyes narrowed in annoyance but he intensified the warm, wet suction around Cloud's dick. Cloud came a few minutes later and pulled his friend up for a smooch. Gradually Cloud was discovering who he was—a kisser, for one, and a gentle and considerate lover who was far more concerned whether his partner was uncomfortable or if their knees ached on the hard ShinRa shower tiles than if he was going to cum harder than he had the last time. Some guys didn't really like that, and wanted something quick, impersonal, and brutal, but it was fine that Cloud couldn't offer that. There were plenty of other boys out there to find what was needed.

Cloud attended his last class of the evening and returned to his dorm to change into his civvies. He wasn't sure what to wear—did he go for something sexy, to prove to his superiors that he was something of a good catch, that they shouldn't be disappointed Zack had hooked up with what Cloud really was—a short, quiet, awkward, stubborn, occasionally terribly shy infantryman? Did dressing sexy send the wrong idea, and make them think Zack should have gone for someone more wholesome?

Thank Gaia there were no more hickies on his neck; knowing this was coming, he hadn't let anyone bite him there in a few days. He settled for his nicest jeans and a simple Shin-Ra Infanty t-shirt. If they didn't like it, well, it wasn't like he was the one dating them or anything. Zack at least had seen him naked at this point, so it hardly mattered.

Goodness, he didn't want to do this.

He arrived at Zack's door at the correct time, but it took him a solid minute to work up the courage to knock. All the possible scenarios rushed through his mind. God, he was so fucked—the interview he'd had to get into ShinRa had made his stomach clench horribly but it hadn't made his knees tremble and threaten to knock together.

The worst part about it was not knowing why he was here. Zack's motives were unclear. Sure, it was nice and all for him to meet Zack's boyfriends, but there was more to it than that. Was it imperative he got along with them? Did Zack want him to be close friends with them too? As lovely as it sounded, Cloud wasn't so sure he could do that.

Absolutely miserable, Cloud knocked.

Zack answered it, and his smile made Cloud's worries yet again fade away. "Spike," he greeted, flashing a wide, bright-toothed smile. "Glad to see ya, dude."

He murmured a greeting, and all his anxiety came back in a rush as he peeked over Zack's shoulder and spotted the three SOLDIERs in the living room. Rather than standing powerfully like they were in ShinRa propaganda or on stage like they had been the first time Cloud saw them in person, they were lounging on the couch and on Zack's soft, squishy chairs. His emotions (and his dick) had no idea what to do.

The next few minutes passed in a blur. Cloud felt Zack pull him inside. He clammed up as the other three turned his attention to them. _Thank you for letting me have sex with your boyfriend, Sirs, _was on the tip of his tongue but he thankfully bit the nonsense back, saying stiff greetings on autopilot.

He stood still, uncomfortable and quiet. Zack had his hand on his hips and started to say something, but uncharacteristically cut himself off. Devastatingly awkward.

Genesis Rhapsodos scooted over to sit on the edge of the couch by the armrest, and watched Cloud carefully as he patted the cramped space on the cushion beside him. His voice rolled over Cloud like warm, gooey cinnamon apples. "Why don't you take a seat, Cloud?"

Cloud sat, and he desperately prayed no one realized it was because his legs had given out underneath him.

* * *

><p><em>I can't thank everyone enough for the encouragement with the last chapter, especially because this whole thing is new and difficult and was kinda scary. You're all stars.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

It was easily the most uncomfortable meal Cloud had ever had.

The food was freaking amazing though, which was pretty much the only positive thing. Angeal and Sephiroth had made the dinner, and the presentation was much better than anything Cloud had ever witnessed in the Infantry cafeteria, so it sort of blew him away.

Despite aching to meet and know these men before he got to the military, Cloud would have been fine with never meeting them ever after what he'd done with Zack. He was uncharacteristically quiet, trying not to draw attention to himself, but worried he was coming off as rude. _Negative. _

The three powerful SOLDIERs kept trading each other looks that Cloud just barely caught, clearly sizing him up. _Negative. _

Zack kept trying to drag him into the conversation, and Cloud would stammer bland one-word answers. His usually cheerful smile was growing strained. _Negative. _Zack should never be unhappy.

Thankfully—or maybe not—Angeal Hewley eventually asked him a direct question, forcing him to participate in the conversation.

"Do you like the food, Cloud?"

The blond froze with his fork halfway to his mouth and looked across the table at him, shocked. Had he forgotten to praise the food as soon as he'd taken his first bite? "Oh, gods—" he blurted, tripping over his words, "Yessir. It's really great. Sorry I forgot to say so. Seriously, it's—I just eat cafeteria food, so—thank you for making this, Sirs."

Angeal smiled at him, and that smile did not mock Cloud's word-vomit or his obvious nervousness. "I'm glad to hear it. And please, we're off duty, and meeting as friends. There is no need to be formal."

Cloud nodded, blushing at his misstep. He took another bite of chicken, never pausing his nodding, although now it was encouragingly, and smiled hesitantly at the First. _Look how much I love it, _he tried to convey.

Genesis snorted quietly and Cloud's eyes cut to him. From everything he'd heard about the man he'd been expecting him to be a bit of a bully, but that didn't mean he wasn't slightly hurt. He was trying, dammit.

"Genesis," Angeal murmured, very quietly, his voice reproachful.

Sephiroth asked him the next question. He was sitting to Cloud's right, on the same side as Genesis, and across from Zack. The Silver General had been Cloud's idol for many years; he had vivid memories of sitting on the floor in front of his TV after school, watching news reports that flashed this very man's face as they discussed Wutai. Thus far he had been even quieter than Cloud had, and Cloud was unsure if he was surprised or not. Zack told him quite a bit about these three—Cloud knew that Sephiroth had trouble with his interpersonal interactions, and thus far the man had been content to watch him curiously whenever he thought Cloud wasn't looking (or maybe he did know that Cloud occasionally caught him, and just didn't care). "Are you enjoying your time at ShinRa?"

"Yeah. It's different from what I expected, but in a good way. I'm glad I joined."

"Different how?" Zack seemed happy to chime in. The familiarity of his voice relaxed Cloud, and he thought as he twirled some noodles around his fork.

"Um… I guess I was expecting to be a nobody, you know? Like, as a grunt in the infantry I'm not that important, but I still feel like an integral part of a team, and like I'm…my own person, I guess? Like I still have an identity here, and I'm not just '_Trooper 25061.'_ And I like that a lot." He hesitated, and glanced up at the others. "Does that make sense?"

Angeal smiled too, just as encouraging as Zack. It was clear he knew how stressed Cloud was, and aimed to make it better. "It does. If you join SOLDIER you're allowed to…hm, personalize yourself even more. I mean, look at these two." He inclined his head towards Genesis and Sephiroth. "They're fairly distinct. You're allowed more liberties the higher you rise in the ranks."

"If you don't mind me asking, how come you two wear the regulation uniforms on duty?" He glanced curiously at Angeal and Zack.

Angeal hummed. "I suppose I'm not a flashy person. I never felt the need to get my own dramatic coat."

"Hey," Genesis protested, pointing at Angeal with his fork. "We don't wear them to be dramatic."

"Yes you two do," Zack countered, chuckling. "And I guess I haven't really thought about it. I haven't been a First for that long either. And most of the stuff I do is modeled after Angeal anyway…" he grabbed Angeal's hand and kissed his knuckles like a prince. ""Cause I love ya so much."

"You would look good in a coat like ours, Zack," Genesis murmured, tilting his head. "Though red is not your color. Perhaps another black?"

"I'm not much of a coat guy."

"But they're so versatile." Genesis's voice dipped into a purr. "Now I'm thinking you should wear one… nothing underneath. Lazard will surely approve."

Cloud burst out laughing at the ridiculous image and covered his mouth as he continued to giggle at the stupid look on Zack's face. He gave Genesis a helpless, apologetic look when the man turned to him.

"Yeah, and stupefy the enemy with the powers of my stunning ass," Zack joked. "Drop the coat, they drop their weapons. It's perfect."

"Zack," Cloud said, getting his attention and focusing on just him for a moment. "You should switch over to clothes like the Warrior of Light's."

The Warrior of Light was Zack's character of choice in a fighting game the two of them frequently played. He could wear a variety of outfits, but one was extremely skimpy (and was the one Zack put him in all of the time, naturally). Zack laughed. "Are you kidding? That's probably worse than just the coat. I'd be so concerned about keeping my junk under control that I wouldn't be able to fight."

"I dunno, it works for him."

"That's because he's a video game character, Spike. Or did you forget that again? I know about your crush on that one guy."

"You shut up," Cloud countered. He raised a finger. "I _don't_, and I tell you that every time we play. I pick him every time because his finishing move is the best."

"Because he's the character for _cheaters_ who can't actually play."

Cloud leant in, his jaw tight with mock-rage, and growled deep in his throat. "Take that back."

Zack leant in too, his brows furrowed in hate. They glared at each other for a long moment, and then the SOLDIER gently pushed his shoulder.

Cloud returned to his original position, cracking a happy smile. He took another bite of chicken before jerking his head up, suddenly remembering that they had an audience. One that had been analyzing his every movement all evening, no less.

Sure enough, all three were watching him thoughtfully, and Zack, too. His friend was rubbing the back of his neck, the gesture he always did when he was self-conscious.

_Aw, shit, _Cloud groaned inwardly.

"S-So, uh," he hazarded, "How did you guys all meet?"

The actual story was a treat. Angeal and Genesis lived in the same town and were best friends growing up. They met Sephiroth after joining ShinRa. Angeal, as Cloud already knew, was Zack's mentor for a time before he was added to the threesome. He wanted to ask about the romantic stuff, how they got to a functional, adoring, supportive four-way relationship, but he supposed it wasn't polite conversation during the first meeting.

Later, then, because he was curious as hell.

The rest of the meal passed relatively peacefully. Cloud managed to duck out of the conversation again, merely watching as the four interacted. It was fascinating, actually. It was a bit shameful to admit, even to himself, but Cloud's mind had been full of twisted, warped ideas of what their relationship was all about.

Sure, Zack told him an awful lot about it. Zack described his boyfriends as loving, tender, and funny. They had some small fights that Zack occasionally confided in him about when he was upset but things were good overall. Still, when Cloud thought about the foursome he couldn't help but conjure savage images of the four of them fucking—as if that's all it was, as if any group of three or more was necessarily all about sex.

Actually, other than the kiss Zack gave Angeal's hand, he only saw a couple other things of note. Genesis gave Sephiroth a peck on the cheek when the Silver General brought him a glass of wine once they relocated to the living room. Angeal and Sephiroth sat on the couch beside each other with their thighs touching and occasionally played with each other's fingers, but that was it. They may have been toning it down because he was there, which he appreciated, because being a third—fifth?—wheel always sucked, but he hated to think he was inconveniencing the group. They'd done so much for him already.

Despite the chasteness of the evening, once they had all relocated with beers or wine to the next room Genesis asked him something that was anything but.

"So Cloud," the redhead asked, turning to the blond who was sitting alone on one side of the room in a squishy leather chair, "How was your first time, hm?"

"_Gen,_" said at least two voices at once. The SOLDIER just shrugged, and his gaze did not leave Cloud's as he continued, "We heard the story from Zack's end. I'm just curious. Surely you don't mind putting us at ease? We're hoping he was good to you."

This was some kind of test, he knew it. Zack looked annoyed but was not fighting Genesis on it, shrugging apologetically at Cloud from across the room. The loose grip around the bottle of Cloud's beer tightened and he took a sip from it, pretending to be thinking.

It took a moment, but Cloud eventually lifted his head to meet Genesis's probing stare head-on.

If this was a test then Cloud Strife would pass. This was hardly about him; his actions reflected on Zack too. He had to prove that his best friend had made a good choice—that Cloud himself was worthy of the time and effort Zack had put in.

"It was amazing," he said truthfully. "I was nervous but Zack did everything he could to make it easy for me. I think that if I hadn't had Zack around I would have done something I regretted with some_one _I regretted, so… I can't express how grateful I am to him." He glanced at Sephiroth and Angeal too, his head high even though he wanted to retreat into the kitchen and hide. He'd asked a stranger from one of his classes straight-out if he wanted to fuck him; he could do _this_. "Thank you, Sirs, for trusting the both of us. It was the best experience."

Rather embarrassed, he glanced at Zack and rubbed the back of his own neck, something he'd unconsciously picked up from his friend. "And thanks again to you too, Zack…"

Gaia, there it was. The discussion of he and Zack having sex.

In a way it was better having it out there. Worrying about it—the _real _reason he was here—all evening had been exhausting. Genesis put him at ease, surprisingly. "You are welcome," he told him, "It is good to know that Zack was able to help you, and that you enjoyed yourself. He's very good at the 'calming' thing, isn't he?"

Cloud nodded vigorously, amazed that Genesis was trying to be friendly now, establishing some common ground. "He really is," he readily agreed. "We joked the whole time. It was such a relief."

Sephiroth was still squinting at him with those too-bright green eyes, his expression unreadable. God, he was so damn handsome, distressingly so; Cloud's eyes skipped right over him to Angeal. "His jokes were really bad, though," he added, and watched as Angeal's eyebrows rose.

"How so?"

Zack started to say "Heeey!" but Cloud continued on, speaking over him. He had the attention of the dazzling SOLDIER Trio; that was _power_, and Cloud's spine straightened. Rather than bending under the weight of it he pushed back—Cloud had come into some power of his own recently, so this was not so strange.

This was happening, but Cloud could handle it.

"Well, he said he had a First Class Dick."

Zack covered his face with his hands, and Genesis gave an exaggerated gasp of delight. "You _didn't_."

"I was trying to make him laugh, okay? At least I'm not an 'unstoppable se—"

Cloud was out of his seat before he realized it, and pressed his palm over Zack's mouth in the middle of the word 'fuckdemon.' "Shut up!" he ordered, panicked, and laughed as Zack struggled. The SOLDIER licked his palm and Cloud blanched, letting go to wipe his hand on his jeans. They then continued to wrestle, grappling at each other.

"I mean, if it's honesty hour here—"

"You're gonna embarrass me in front of my COs!"

"They don't care, do you, boys?"

Zack unceremoniously flipped Cloud over his lap to end their fight and the infantryman crashed down onto the carpet on his back. He peered upside-down (and slightly dizzily) at the three famous SOLDIERs. He knew they had been watching that little exchange, and had heard his embarrassment comment, but that was half the fun. If Zack wasn't here Cloud doubted he'd be this brave, or as willing to be silly.

"No," Genesis said easily, though he looked perplexed. "So you two were both ridiculous with each other, okay. I can imagine. Anything else of note?"

Cloud rolled over and sat cross-legged on the carpet. Zack was saying, "_Uhhhh_" loudly and the blond tuned him out as he surveyed the other three, the three he had to impress. He wondered how much Zack had told them. Sex was a private thing, generally. Normally Cloud would have been irritated if he had found out Zack had told some strangers the details about their incredibly intimate moment.

The way Zack had nestled up against him from behind and kissed his neck, the ease of the laughter they shared, and the specific nature of that incredibly transformative, meaningful experience Cloud had would remain private to him and Zack. However, from the beginning that experience had never been solely theirs. The three men in front of him knew about it before Cloud had, and had given Zack their permission to sleep with him before they even really _knew _Cloud. Zack was right—they had indeed placed a lot of faith in Cloud.

There was no way to know how much Zack had dished, but Cloud wanted to say something that the man probably hadn't, so he could contribute. He would rise to this challenge. "I came way too early the second time, which was embarrassing." Shrugging at the looks of surprise at his admission from his superiors, he added, "But Zack said it was a learning experience, and didn't make me feel bad. He's a great friend."

"Alright, alright," Zack interrupted, waving his hands. "I'm right here, ya know. Yeah, Spike and I had a lot of fun. If you want more details ask me later, because Cloud's red enough to combust, I think. Leave the poor kid alone."

They did not ask him again about the loss of his virginity and Cloud was immensely grateful yet slightly disappointed, for whatever reason. He sort of _wanted _to talk more about it. He hoped that the other three knew just how freaking _good _Zack was, how his touch had the power to vaporize worries. How his laugh made anxiety just melt away.

They probably did know that, and more besides. Their relationship was romantic in addition to sexual, and was deeper than Cloud's friendship with Zack ever could be. The sudden, unexplained jealousy in his heart was silly.

Instead they chatted about work and military life and inane celebrity things no one but Genesis and Zack really knew much about. It was pleasant, though, it really was—despite his awkwardness and nerves Cloud tried to involve himself in their conversation as much as possible, because he liked them. Zack had himself three wonderful guys, it was plain.

Cloud left feeling much better than he had upon arriving, and received a text from Zack while riding the elevator back to his floor.

_Hey! Thanks for coming over buddy! Sorry if any of that was rough on you… you did good though. They like you. Seriously do. You're a trouper, trooper! : - ) _

* * *

><p>He must have leveled up, because instead of a sweaty, pimpled infantryman with their hand down his pants it was a handsome SOLDIER Second.<p>

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," the man growled into his ear. Cloud went pink. Other than Zack saying that he was a 'sexy kid' and that he had a cute butt, no one had said anything like that to him before. He lifted his arms around his CO's neck in response and hugged him; the man responded by sliding his free hand under Cloud's thigh and picked him up. He pressed the blond against the wall and continued to jerk him off with his other hand.

Cloud felt absolutely filthy with his pants and boots on the floor near his old desk and the rest of his infantry uniform too-hot and scratchy against his oversensitive body, but in the most delicious way. He sighed into the other's ear. "Ugh. Lieutenant…"

The SOLDIER kissed his mouth, and broke away after a tantalizing few moments. "Shit. Call me Damon, Cloud."

The blond nodded. Old habits die hard, though, and he accidentally called his old instructor by his rank a few more times before he finally managed to remember his name as the man laid him out on the desk at the front of the classroom and stretched him wide around his hot, heavy cock.

"Oh, Strife!" Lieutenant Damon Klarke had called to him in the hallway an hour previous. Cloud had been on his way to his dorm after eating dinner so he could change and hit the gym, and almost hadn't heard him. He stopped though, saluting on instinct, and looked around to find his old Survival instructor jogging over from down the hall.

"Sir," Cloud greeted, rather confused. The class he'd had with this man ended two months ago; he hadn't interacted with him once since getting the results from his final exam.

"At ease. How've you been, Strife?"

"Um. Good, Sir. What about you?"

"Great. You in a rush to get anywhere?"

"Not really, Sir."

"I have some stuff still sitting in my desk of yours that I graded but couldn't hand back to you. You missed a few days on injury last semester, I think?"

Cloud nodded. "Kind of, I got a respiratory infection. They eventually Cured me but it took a few days."

"You want to come pick it up? Every time I open one of the drawers I see it, but I keep forgetting to find you and drop it off."

It was weird being in a classroom after-hours, and especially so with his old teacher. All the memories of this class came back. They'd learned about what to do when stranded alone out in various terrains, studied edible plants, and once had a buffet of all of ShinRa's disgusting survival rations. The class had been boring for Cloud, who spent a lot of his time as a kid alone exploring the Nibel mountains, but it was fun. For their final they'd all been dropped by chopper into a forest outside Mideel and had to make their way to a certain spot after four days. By luck Cloud had run into two other classmates and they'd gotten through together—or he'd gotten them through it, rather. It had been his easiest class of the semester, and most of his time had been spent doing homework for other courses during class or idly watching one of his peers who had the biggest crush on their instructor.

Klarke was tall, had warm brown skin that he'd always been attracted to, since everyone in Nibelheim was as pale as he was, and Cloud had always thought that the man was rather similar to Zack. Maybe it was the dorky smile, or the accent—though Damon's thicker one indicated Corel, and Zack's Gongaga—or the way they talked. Cloud had liked him at any rate, even if he was a real asshole about late assignments and being on time.

He'd gotten his tests back, they chatted about Cloud's new semester and a mission the Lieutenant had recently been on, and gradually Cloud had become aware of how intimate their location was. There was no fear of getting walked in on by someone coming in to use the room because the owner already here, and leaning in closer with each passing minute, and murmuring about how Cloud had been one of his favorite students.

Now he had Cloud's legs over his shoulders and was fucking him deep and slow, like he didn't want it to end. "You have no idea," he panted, "How much you distracted me in class."

"What?" Cloud asked, his eyes widening, and not from the wave of pleasure that hit him as Klarke started fisting his erection again. The way his hand wrapped around him was just like the way Zack had done it, and the thought made him dizzy. "Really?"

"Fuck, yes. I always imagined… taking you on my desk, just like this."

Cloud moaned, more at the thought than anything else. _Fuck_, that was hot. He hadn't even realized the man thought anything special of him at all, and told his ex-instructor so.

The SOLDIER growled to him all the things he'd wanted to do to him in his old seat, elsewhere in the classroom, or in the tents they'd stayed in for some of their field exercises. When Cloud came he was almost in disbelief.

They made out for a while afterwards, the SOLDIER still bent over the desk with Cloud's legs wrapped around his waist. Gentle hands ran over his hips and Damon asked, "You wanna do this again sometime?"

"Sure," Cloud responded, still surprised.

They cleaned up, got dressed and Cloud left, walking dazed back to his room. That had been… exceedingly bizarre. Cloud wasn't sure when he had graduated from rushed encounters with his infantry buddies to his fucking _teacher _who thought he was _gorgeous, _but… there you were.

To his absolute horror he ran into two of Zack's boyfriends on the way there.

Hewley and Rhapsodos were each carrying a box full of papers, it looked like, and despite Cloud's attempt to blend in with the crowd they spotted him. Or, rather, Genesis did; their eyes met and Cloud slunk over, knowing it would get back to Zack if he had ignored them.

"Sirs," he greeted, saluting, and prayed his scarf was positioned right.

They always looked so effortlessly good. At Zack's place the four SOLDIERs had been dressed casually, but here they were in uniform. The coat Genesis had talked about really _was _dramatic; he seemed like a villain from a movie, fiery and intimidating. By contrast Angeal grinned at him, kind and quiet like the main hero, and like the other times Cloud had witnessed it, it coaxed out a smile of his own.

"At ease," Hewley told him. "How's your evening?"

"It's, um—" Cloud fumbled his words. "It's good, thank you. Ah, yours?"

Cloud figured he probably could have handled a conversation with these two under normal circumstances. Their first meeting had been awkward at first, yeah, and Genesis had been hostile for a few minutes (or maybe they all had, and Genesis had been the one who hid it worst). By the end of the evening however he had started to relax. He liked them, he really did, and would have hazarded that they liked him too. It was plain now that Zack had created for himself a wonderful, cozy little family, and Cloud wouldn't worry any longer.

But now he reeked of a random SOLDIER's cologne and sweaty sex. He'd had a dick up his ass not twenty minutes ago and his lips were probably bruised. Odds were the other two couldn't tell anything was amiss but the thought that they could, or that they would think worse of him made him anxious.

If someone was going to shame him for having casual sex that was their problem, not his, and if Hewley and Rhapsodos were the type to do that then he shouldn't have cared about what they thought because they were dicks. Why did he care, then, if they noticed that he'd just been fucking his superior?

"Tiring," Genesis sighed, and flicked his bangs out of his face with a shake of his head. "It's SOLDIER review season. Are you considering trying out for the program?"

"SOLDIER? Yessir. Eventually. I didn't make the cut when I first joined up, which is why I'm in the infantry. I want to try again in the winter."

"Good for you. We'll keep an eye out for you then."

"See you soon, probably," Angeal said kindly over his shoulder as they started back on their way.

"Ah—do you need any help carrying anything?"

Genesis shook his head, but smiled fondly at him. Cloud had offered entirely out of politeness, and it seemed the redhead approved nonetheless. "We've got it, but thanks. See you around, sweetheart."

The blond watched them until they turned a corner, his heart fluttering at the flirty wink Genesis had tossed him before turning away, and hurried back to his dorm.

"That was too close," he muttered to himself.

Nothing bad had happened, but he couldn't shake the irrational fear. What if the two of them had walked in on him and his old instructor? They wouldn't, but what if they _had_? Casually fucking a superior not in private quarters (or maybe at all) had to be against some rule somewhere. He had a friend or two that was dating a SOLDIER, yeah, but did it matter if you were in a relationship with one versus just hooking up? He was trying to forge a tentative friendship with the famous SOLDIER trio for Zack's sake and it sucked to think that he could endanger that.

Too close, too close.

"Cloud," greeted Moya, one of the boys in his morning drills class, as Cloud entered the infantry wing of the tower. He pressed close and said lowly, "Hey, so none of my bunkmates are in right now, if you wanted to come over again?"

"Uh, sorry," Cloud answered, surprised at himself, "But I'm tired. I've got to shower and go to bed."

"Aw, sure?"

"Yeah."

He found his bunk without issue and grabbed his stuff. When changing near his locker in the showers a familiar figure sidled over to him and gently punched his shoulder.

"Andrew."

"Yo, Cloud. How you been?"

His friend clearly wondered the same question Moya had. The two of them had finally fucked just a day or two before in this very locker room, late at night when they would have gotten in trouble if they'd been caught. They had not, but what if they _had_? How much would that have jeopardized his chances of trying out for SOLDIER in the winter, that Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos were now looking forward to?

Cloud hadn't even thought about any of that, and now the worries made him feel sick.

"Sorry man," he sighed, "I really just want to go bed. Nothing personal."

"Oh. Yeah, of course."

Cloud's _no _was a far cry more self-assured than his _no _the one time, when he'd texted Zack over that boy's shoulder. He'd turned down enough guys and a girl or two in the month he'd been sexually active to not feel so intimidated by it any more.

Later he lay on his bed and debated sending Zack a text. His friend always knew what to do… but something held him back. If he was going to confess to being frightened of the new power he wielded then he had to be sure.

His PHS lit up with a message from someone he hardly remembered, a hookup from last week. _You got another hour in your Tuesday schedule for me? _

Cloud scowled, shut off the device, dropped it on floor and pushed it under his bed. His lower spine still gently ached and he eventually found a comfortable position. When he and Zack had spent the night together his friend had held him the whole night, and bathed him in the warm light of a hundred happy, sated smiles. There was no one to hold him now, and his bed stayed cold the entire night.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you once more to everyone for being so kind and wonderful. Many of you have given me, in reviews and PMs, some awesome ideas that might pop up later in the fic - I'm so grateful for all the analysis and enthusiasm. Thanks!<em>


	5. Chapter 5

The final straw came when Cloud unwittingly became witness to classified ShinRa information.

He was on top of that desk again, the one in his old Survival class. This time he was on his chest and belly though, bent at the waist, with his legs hanging down. Two strong hands had his asscheeks spread and a slick tongue pushed inside him again, making Cloud let out a quiet moan. The side of his face was sticky with sweat and a piece of paper, one of many strewed across the desk from a variety of official-looking files, stuck to his cheek. He irritably peeled it off and placed it back down on the desk.

_Clearance Level: Yellow, _it read at the top. He averted his gaze but couldn't help but take in a few lines near the bottom of the page. _. . . Eco-Terrorist group known as AVALANCHE plans another bio-hazardous attack on Mako Reactor 8. The Turk 'Two Guns' recorded the following conversation, transcript below:_

_[UNIDENTIFIED]: The last time the ShinRa bastards got ahold of. . . _

Cloud tore his eyes away and arched his back to stare at the ceiling instead as if the blank white tiles would erase the information from his mind. "Shit," he cursed, and it wasn't because that tongue inside him was curled just right.

His orgasm was satisfying, a slow, steady jerking off with his own hand coupled with Damon rimming his ass. He couldn't help but wonder, incredulously, _doesn't his jaw get tired? _During their field exercises Klarke had never seemed to exhaust, even after days in the wild eating only berries and the occasional small animal. It had reminded Cloud of Zack, with his own boundless energy. Zack's was occasionally hyper, though, and Damon's was slower but unceasing—he gave Cloud a few more licks, absolutely thorough, before flipping the blond over with that SOLDIER strength and easing him off the desk.

The blond slid off and dropped to his knees before him, and couldn't squash his pride as he had the Second Class coming before long. He didn't miss a drop.

"I, uh, messed up your papers a bit," Cloud said as he climbed back into his pants, nodding at the desk. The files were a mess.

"Shit," Klarke sighed. "That was hot but we should've moved them." He started organizing everything and joked, "You didn't read anything at least, did you?"

"Of course not," Cloud said quickly. "That would be bad."

"Classified stuff," the SOLDIER told him. "An infantryman could get in a lot of trouble…" He turned to him, his dark eyes all delicious heat again and a coy smile curling the edges of his mouth. Instead of flirting back _what kind of trouble? _Cloud just laughed and waved the statement away.

The blond stood in the center of the room and spun in a slow circle as he scanned the ceiling, his eyes narrowed, and the SOLDIER asked, "Uh…what are you doing?"

"Nothing," Cloud answered. "I have to go get ready for my next class, but uh…"

"This was good," Klarke said, nodding at him.

"Yeah. Thanks. See you around?"

"Mmhmm."

Cloud left after casting one last good look around the classroom. The door slid shut behind him and he covered his mouth with his hand, cold dread making him shiver in his uniform.

He was so fucking _stupid_!

Gaia, it hadn't even occurred to him that the Turks probably knew everything that everyone in the building got up to. He didn't know a whole lot about them, just that they performed reconnaissance—spy stuff, like in Zack's favorite movie. But if one of them was able to infiltrate wherever the heck a bunch of 'Eco-Terrorists' were and record a conversation about an attempt to blow up a Mako reactor, then they sure as _hell _knew that a short blond infantryman was slowly fucking his way across HQ.

In all actuality they probably didn't give a single fuck about him; he was useless, a nobody.

Still—the classrooms had cameras, didn't they? He'd done that sweep of the room and hadn't found any, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

Oh, Gaia, what if someone in the building had just watched him get his _ass eaten_?

Cloud walked to his next class like a zombie. He was absolutely mortified. This class was in a room identical to the last one, minus the streaks of cum on the desk and the sweaty imprints of his hands. Ohhhh Gaia.

He'd had a lot of sex in a lot of places in this past month, and all of it flickered through Cloud's mind frame by frame like an old film. Outside, on the obstacle course, by the supply shed, on the bleachers by the outdoor track. Inside, by the edge of the SOLDIER swimming pool, that fucking classroom, the showers, a darkened hallway.

There was no way none of it had been captured by security cameras. Regardless of whether people were watching or not it made Cloud blush horribly and sink low into his seat. He wouldn't have had that much public sex if there were safer places for infantrymen to do it; it was extremely rare to get time alone in the barracks because of their tight schedules. There were hotels under the plate but were unaffordable on his meager salary.

Plenty of guys had a hell of a lot more sex than Cloud did, and in more daring locations besides. Sometimes they got caught. Cloud never had, but it didn't change the fact that he could have, or that he knew that what he was doing was going to land him in a whole lot of shit eventually.

He showed up at Zack's door unannounced after dinner. To his great relief his best friend was home, albeit slightly confused. "Sure you can come in," he said, stepping back to let Cloud pass, "Angeal's coming over at some point though."

"That's fine. I can leave when he gets here."

Zack was in his running shorts and a tank top, and really, Cloud had been noticing just how hot Zack was more and more these days. The muscles of his thighs were strong and defined, and for a moment Cloud itched to run his palm across the soft, thin hair there. He had pushed those handsome thighs up just before sinking inside him once upon a time. He shook himself out of it as he plopped down on the couch.

Zack did too, with a beer in his hand and another of Genesis' ciders for Cloud. "I know how much you enjoyed them," he grinned at Cloud's look.

"So long as he isn't mad at me for drinking them."

"Nah. You're cute, you could get away with most things."

The small comment flustered Cloud more than it should and it took him a moment to pick the conversation back up. Zack didn't rush him and waited patiently, sitting cross-legged on the cushions and tapping his hand against his shin to some beat playing in his head.

"Zack," Cloud eventually began. "I think I'm in a little over my head."

"Hm?"

"I know I've, uh, told you a lot about the people I've been sleeping with—and thank you again, for that. It's been great having someone to tell all that to."

"No problem, Spike. I'm happy to listen."

"I told you about a lot of them, but…" he shrank back into the cushions and glanced at Zack warily. "There's a lot more I didn't. A _lot_."

Zack studied him for a minute, frowning. "Why are you cringing?" he asked, surprising Cloud. "You should be proud of having as much sex as you do. I'm not gonna shame you for anything, man—_especially _not me, you know that."

The blond could not stifle his sigh of relief. They sat in companionable silence, sipping at their drinks with their upper arms pressed together, for a short while.

"I guess it's just… after losing my virginity I… went really hard." He smiled softly and borrowed one of Zack's favorite phrases. "I think I need to take a chill pill."

Zack grinned and ruffled his hair. "It's all up to you, man. What made you stop?"

"Worrying about getting caught started it, I guess. I also realized that I can hardly go anywhere anymore without running into one of my old hookups. But…that's not _really _it, I don't think."

He confessed his fears to Zack—the fear of not getting into SOLDIER because of complications resulting from his sleeping around, for one, but also a fear he had hardly admitted to even himself—that he wouldn't be able to stop, that he'd have empty fuck after empty fuck until there was nothing left of him to give, until he settled for that, and never tried for anything better.

There was nothing wrong with that lifestyle, of frequent—or not-so-frequent—casual sex, but Cloud was starting to realize it wasn't for him. He hadn't had many bad experiences yet, and considered himself lucky, but that didn't invalidate his feelings of discontent about this whole business. He liked his friends but they were just friends; sex was fun and all but something was…off.

"I guess I just…thought that every time would be as amazing as it was with you," he finally admitted, to himself as well as Zack, "And nothing's even come close."

Zack did not respond right away, and studied him instead for a long moment. His eyes had always drawn Cloud in and now was no different; their steady blue glow calmed him. Zack slowly smiled and pressed half his face into the back of the couch like he was shy.

"Yeah," he sighed, "…We did have a good time, didn't we?" He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly.

"Zack." Cloud nudged the man's knee with the back of his hand. "We never really talked about it."

"No, I guess we didn't."

"We should."

Zack drained the rest of his beer can and placed it on the coffee table, then turned himself around. He put his head in Cloud's lap and stretched out on the couch, his knees bent with his socked feet on the armrest. "I need to lay down for this," he muttered.

"I've seen you a lot this past month but only for a few minutes at a time, so I guess I gotta ask… are we okay?"

Zack gazed up at Cloud and gently tapped his arm with his knuckles. "Of course we are. Or, at least—I'm okay. Just been busy. Are you?"

"Good," Cloud said, smiling at the memory of Zack asking that same question so frequently as he'd patiently led him through intercourse that first time. He sunk his hand into the thick, dark spikes of hair spilling over his thighs, scritched Zack's scalp, and got no complaints. "That's a relief. Had to make sure."

"No worries. I can't imagine bein' all awkward around _you_."

Cloud hummed and thought for a while, petting Zack's head. He screwed up his courage. "…Was it any good?"

"'Was it any good,' he asks me," snorted Zack. "No fucking duh. I came so hard the first time I passed out like five minutes later, moron. It was kinda weird at first, I'll admit—I'd never even thought of you in, like, uh, a sexual way before? But now it's like..." A long pause, and he changed his train of thought with an awkward glance to the side. "Whatever. It was good, yeah."

Zack turned his head slightly so he could gaze up at Cloud, who was looking down. Their eyes met, both men's expressions guarded. "Actually," Zack said slowly, as though tasting the words, "It was a lot better than I was expecting. Not that I thought it would be bad—I just thought I'd, y'know. Stick it in you, teach you some stuff, and watch you run off to bone some guy. But we had a _moment_."

"A moment," Cloud echoed, but without the amused drawl. He thought he had a good idea of what Zack was talking about. At some point during that night he'd connected with Zack, who he had already been very close with, on a new level. Everything had gone so _right_, even with the awkward moments. Something about it had been so fundamentally different from any of his hookups afterward, but what _was _it?

"The power of friendship," Zack joked, and then spoke more seriously. "I'm glad things didn't change between us, Spike, for the record. And that you're still my best bud and all." He paused. "Well. Things changed a little, I think."

"What?"

"You don't think so?"

The blond just shrugged, the gears in his brain whirling as he tried to understand what the SOLDIER was getting at. Something _had _changed, but he had no grasp on it; maybe Zack could pinpoint what this feeling was, what the feelings were that had been plaguing him ever since he had left Zack's place the afternoon after they fucked.

"What is it?" Cloud prompted when Zack did not continue. His handsome face was contorted in a deep frown as he tried to vocalize whatever was going on in that head of his. Their gazes locked again. Cloud's thumb on the hand cradling his face stroked Zack's cheekbone on autopilot as he bent down a little more, as if to hear better what he was going to say, or maybe not.

"…I dunno," Zack said, looking uncharacteristically frustrated. "Anyway, tell me more about how I'm the best sex you've ever had."

His cheeky smile made Cloud laugh and he sat up straight again, his heart racing. "Uh. I guess it's like—no one is as caring about it as you were? I mean, you're my best friend, so of course you cared… but I was never too worried or too self-conscious, you know? And I knew I was in good hands and all. Out there it's like… you gotta fend for yourself."

Zack's smile was entirely fond. "I looked out for you, didn't I. Yeah, it's rough out there, especially if you're with people who just wanna fuck and aren't actually close to you." He shrugged, or shrugged as much as he could lying down. "I remember those days before I got with the boys. Whew, I had some stories."

They traded them. Cloud had someone slobber on his dick like an animal. Zack had someone attempt to push rope for forty-five minutes before calling it a day, and Zack had played a game on his PHS the whole time. A scary boy kept sending Cloud filthy texts about buttplugs and wearing one in the class that they shared together (to no response from Cloud), and they both giggled helplessly as they went through them. Zack fucked a guy as a Third Class in the showers and they both slipped during the act, his partner shattering his elbow.

By the end they were both in stitches. Zack had his face pressed into Cloud's belly and muffled his laughter into his shirt.

"Yeah, I'm done with all that," Cloud said once they had calmed. "Too much excitement for me."

"So you're going to look for a boyfriend? Girlfriend?"

"Boyfriend," Cloud confirmed, shrugging. "I like girls and all but…"

"It's fine, man, no need to explain. Is there anyone you're thinking of in particular? Any of your infantry guys?"

"Hm. No." Cloud flushed. "I think I'm going to look more towards SOLDIER. I'm sick of the others. I mean, they're good friends, but I think I want someone more…responsible, maybe?"

"Huh." Zack studied him from below.

"Actually." Cloud finally told Zack about Klarke, the SOLDIER Second. They'd hooked up enough times now for it to be…_something_, something different from whatever one-and-dones he'd had. He was sure he didn't have feelings or anything for the guy, but something about him put Cloud at ease. It didn't hurt that the sex was really, really good (and maybe the SOLDIER strength was another reason why he was turning away from the Infantry. Damon had discovered how much Cloud liked to be picked up during sex and obliged him once or twice more, but not after gently teasing him about it. Cloud had gotten good at withstanding teasing from Zack, and hadn't minded). True to his fears Zack was disapproving, but not for the reason he expected.

"He's not pressuring you into anything, is he?"

"No."

"Positive? That's the thing about being with a superior—even unintentionally they can exert some of their authority onto you. You have to be _really _careful. Hey." Cloud had looked away, out towards the blank television, and Zack gently tugged on his chin until he looked down. Zack had done a similar gesture before.

"You tell me if anyone's doing that, alright? Any SOLDIER tries to fuck with you and I'll kick the shit out of 'em."

Slowly, they both grinned.

"Deal."

"Don't forget."

"Did you have to deal with any of that when you got with the other three?"

Zack let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh boy, did I ever. Angeal was worried as _hell _for like a full year before they let me join up."

It was new, but wonderful, to talk to Zack about these things. Cloud had always been a closed-off person, being scorned and brushed off too many times as a kid back home. It was easier to clam up and push people away than to let them in and get hurt again. There was a reason he hadn't discussed his budding sexuality with Zack; the guy was stupidly kind, but Cloud hadn't talked about that with anybody, and hadn't been quite there with the SOLDIER yet.

Zack had made the first move though, asking him to open up more after rescuing him from that awkward situation with the other infantryman. Now that Cloud had started he could hardly stop—something now made him want to spill his soul to his friend, and him alone. It was like the connection of their bodies had later spawned, in the weeks afterward, a whole new connection of their hearts—and holy _hell _didn't that sound mushy and ridiculous?

Still. Cloud continued to work his fingers through Zack's hair and smiled to himself as Zack talked away, waving his hands animatedly. It felt like he could have listened to the guy talk forever. Nothing had changed _as _they fucked, but what on Gaia was this thing that changed _after_?

He clapped Zack's cheek with his palm. "You're gonna tell me if those three do anything to _you, _right?" Cloud's serious expression cracked. "I'll kick their asses."

Zack laughed out loud at whatever image was in his head. "Will do, Spike."

"I didn't get to tell you, but thanks for inviting me over to meet them. Sorry I was kinda nervous. I like them a lot."

"You were more nervous to meet my boyfriends than you were to lose your virginity," Zack snorted. "And no need to apologize, you were fine. I got a secret. They told me later you were adorable, and that they totally approved. I think Gen said something like, 'O, you certainly found the most attractive Corporal in the building; his hair is as bright as the light over which yonder sun blah blah blah… _LOVELESS_."

They both lost it.

"He does quote that a lot," Cloud giggled, recalling a few instances of such while he had been over.

"You liked it, I saw you."

Cloud eyed his friend warily. "You're not…angry at me, are you?"

"Angry? Shit, Spike, half the building has the hots for Seph, Ang and Gen—I stopped being jealous about it ages ago. I mean, _look _at 'em. I understand."

"How'd you figure it out?"

"You gave me your wallet to pay the delivery guy a few months back, and I saw your Silver Elite card. The other two were easy to figure out. You get a little red every time I mention them, so I do it a lot. You're hilarious."

"Dammit," Cloud scowled, his cheeks burning already.

"Speak of the devil," Zack murmured, and at first Cloud couldn't figure out what he meant. Eventually he heard the scanner outside Zack's door beep and it slid open. There was some shuffling, the removal of boots, and then Angeal Hewley came into view. He was not in uniform but was still tall and the slightest bit scary, especially so when he was frowning at the both of them cuddled up on the couch, Zack's head still in Cloud's lap.

The younger SOLDIER straightened, and most of his hair was sticking straight up from all the messing with it Cloud had done. "Ang!" Zack cried, too-loud, "Hey!"

He got up and they kissed, Cloud politely averting his gaze. He scooted over to the far end of the couch so that they could sit next to each other, and to his surprise Angeal sat next to him, not on the far side. His friend handed Angeal a beer and Cloud suddenly remembered his own drink, now lukewarm on the coffee table.

"Cloud was just sayin' he's looking for a SOLDIER boyfriend now," Zack said as he dropped down (and to Cloud's ears he sounded slightly…fake). "You know any nice guys we can set him up with?"

Angeal glanced at him and Cloud's shoulders rose to his ears as he smiled awkwardly.

He hummed as he popped the tab on his can. He and Zack traded the names of a few men Cloud did not know and the blond sat there uncomfortably until they were done. "We'll work on it," Zack concluded, and Cloud nodded.

"I doubt it'll be hard to find someone who would want to date you, Cloud," Angeal confided, and winked at him.

Cloud flushed fiercely and Zack wrapped an arm around Angeal's shoulders. "Hey, don't flirt with my friend. Look how embarrassed he got."

Cloud croaked, "I'm not embarrassed."

To the infantryman's surprise Angeal started asking him questions. It was less introductory small talk, like he'd had during the dinner at Zack's place, but seemed like Angeal genuinely wanted to get to know him better. He was touched. Cloud finished a stiff few sentences about Nibelheim before asking Angeal where exactly he was born.

"Hold up!"

They looked over at Zack.

"Uh, sorry. That just reminded me. Angeal. Cloud's birthday is next week. Would you be willing to make his birthday cake, please?" Zack clapped his hands together and tilted his head, affecting his puppy look that always devastated Cloud. The blond glanced between them for a second before pulling the same gesture, sticking out his bottom lip for good measure.

Angeal sighed loudly as he looked between them and ran a hand through his hair. "…How am I supposed to say no to that?"

"Yeah!"

The elder First's deep frown seemed to be just an act; it smoothed out into a kind smile as he regarded Cloud. "What kind do you like?"

"Umm." His mom baked wonderful cakes but she couldn't be choppered in for the event. "Um, you made a spice cake that Zack let me have a slice of once… uh, would you mind doing that again? It was so good."

"You don't need to be so hesitant." Angeal, taking the lead, straightened his spine and lifted his chin; Cloud was copying the gesture before he realized it. "I can do that, no problem."

"Sweet. We can do it here, if you want, Cloud? Who do you wanna invite?"

"Um." Cloud squinted off at the floor. "Uh…" He had many 'friends,' infantry guys—but he'd fucked almost all of them at this point. And were his buddies from morning drill really anything at all compared to Zack, who was so kind and affectionate, and who'd taken such fantastic care of him that one night? If Zack was the criteria for 'friend' he doubted he'd ever have another friend ever again.

Zack understood, and smoothed over the awkward moment by saying, "Hey, you can think on it. And I can always invite my friends—it'll just be a hangout thing then, nothing serious. And Angeal and the other two will be there."

He probably glanced meaningfully at Angeal, because after a beat Angeal added hurriedly, "Of course."

Knowing that they cared enough to take responsibility for his birthday made Cloud's chest and belly warm. As much as he wanted to stay, though, and as much as he loved getting to know Angeal better, he had promised to himself he wouldn't take up too much of their time. Zack had told him how hard it was to get time alone with his lovers on occasion.

When he left both SOLDIERs bade him warm farewells. Who would have thought?

* * *

><p>Since discovering the joys of carnal sin and all Cloud's letters to his mother had been short and infrequent. She always asked him how things were going, if he was eating enough, the usual. He sat outside in the shade (although the sun was never very intense in Midgar, due to the smog) and tried to craft a letter that could explain his current confusion without telling his mom that, well, he'd been having sex. He doubted she wanted to hear about that.<p>

There was so _much _that had happened. He'd already been close to Zack but had gotten so much closer recently, surprising even himself. He met his heroes. Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis were scary but weren't _that _scary; they were…nice, like he knew they would be after everything he'd heard from Zack. He was making a positive change in his life and trying to stop the meaningless hookups, fun as they were. He started using swords in his combat class two weeks ago, and he fucking loved it. He was _good _at something, finally.

_Dear Mom, _he started,

_A lot has happened in the past month or so, so forgive me for not writing as often as I should have. I'm not really sure where to start. I haven't been able to figure out exactly what it is, but recently things have gotten kind of weird with Zack…_

* * *

><p><em>Thank you again everyone for being so kind and awesome. This has been a real blast so far. ^^<em>


	6. Chapter 6

"More water?"

"Uh, yeah, thanks."

Cloud smiled awkwardly at his companion as their waiter refilled his glass. It made a gentle tinkling noise as it was set back on the tablecloth, because it was fancy crystal, because this was a fancy restaurant.

Because he was on a date.

"So what were you saying?" he asked when Lieutenant Klar—er, Damon's—glass had been filled as well. "When you were a Third?"

The man started talking again and Cloud tuned him out as he glanced around the establishment and tried to figure out how the hell he'd gotten there. Well, it was obvious—Klarke had asked him out, and Cloud had agreed, of course.

But Cloud had gone from swearing off casual sex to suddenly on a goddamned date, the first of his life. It wasn't as bad as his dinner with Zack's partners, but he was hardly comfortable.

_"I'm sorry, but I think I'm swearing off the…casual sex thing." Cloud rubbed the back of his neck, unbearably awkward. He glanced up, apologetic, to find that his old instructor was tilting his head in thought._

_"Oh?"_

_"…Yeah. It's not for me, I guess. I want something more serious."_

_As uncomfortable as it was to say, and although there were a number of men and women in the military who thought differently from him, Cloud said it with his head held high, because Zack had told him to. 'There's nothing wrong with it,' Zack had assured him, 'You do you. Fuck everyone else.'_

_Klarke wanted to fuck, which is why he found him after his last class of the day like he had four of the other five times they'd hooked up, but Cloud had to end it. He was _over _it, he'd told himself. The immediate gratification wasn't worth the stress and worry. Orgasms weren't worth the existential crises as he tried to figure out why no one could fucking measure up to Zack Fair. He'd miss Klarke, in a way, but not enough to continue putting himself through it._

_"Let me take you out, then."_

_Cloud hadn't been expecting that response at all._

_"You're sweet, and, well, I've enjoyed our time together. Want to get dinner sometime this week?"_

This was that meal, but it was a birthday brunch (not that Damon knew it was his birthday), and Cloud was still surprised he had said yes. Zack was nothing but encouraging; he'd seemed strangely happy to dress Cloud up in a button-up that morning and send him on his way.

"You look great," his friend had told him, "You're gonna kill it. He'll love ya." He'd tugged Cloud close and ruffled his hair. "I really hope it goes well for you, okay?"

It felt like Zack wanted him to fucking marry the guy, which was weird, but he was trying not to dwell on it, not when Damon was clearly trying so hard. He never seemed to fluster but wouldn't stop _talking_, perhaps trying to make up for Cloud being so quiet. Cloud was always quiet, and Zack knew how to strike that right balance of enough talk to keep himself entertained but not so much that it grew obnoxious. The two of them did their own thing in silence all the time.

Cloud shook his head, trying to focus on the SOLDIER Second across from him.

The current Survival class was apparently a bunch of fuck-ups. Most of them, when dropped into the middle of the slums in their civvies, had been unable to find their way back to HQ. Wallets had gotten stolen, someone had been mugged, and a few students decided to visit the Honeybees while technically on the ShinRa clock, and were no longer part of the program.

"Yikes," Cloud muttered. "At first I wasn't so good with the city either but I'd like to think I wouldn't be that terrible."

"Your internal compass is spot-on," Damon said, nodding. "You know, I'm wondering if I can bring an old student back for our final this semester, when we head to Mideel. Your grades were stellar enough to swing it, I think."

"You want me to help out?"

Damon's boot nudged his calf under the table, and his voice dropped low. "What I really want is you naked and begging me to fuck you in my tent in the middle of the forest." His volume rose, "But yes—a Teaching Assistant for a few days from a peer who knows what they're doing could probably do this group some good. It looks like they'll need it."

Cloud ducked his face behind his napkin and Damon cracked a grin.

When the food on their plates was almost gone Cloud asked Damon a question that had been plaguing him for the few weeks they'd known each other. "Do you know Zack Fair?"

"I know of him, sure. I went on a mission with the guy once."

His expression was curious so Cloud elaborated, "He's my best friend. I'm just trying to figure out more about him, I guess."

"Oh, really? I always hear he's a great guy."

"He is," Cloud said softly. He poked at his food with his fork. "He's the first person who was nice to me when I got here. Zack's the best I've got."

Damon considered him, smiling gently at Cloud's expression. "I suppose you know who he's dating, then."

"Yeah. I'm aware they keep it pretty hush outside SOLDIER but I know. I met them recently."

"They're hard to get along with at first, but they're not bad guys. I don't know how Zack managed to wrangle in all three of them, but good for him."

Cloud laughed. "Yeah, I was freaked out when I got introduced. Especially because—" He paused. "Well. Never mind."

"Because you're in one of their fan clubs, aren't you?"

Cloud _was, _but that wasn't what he had been about to say. "Yeah," he answered, acting shy.

"I bet Rhapsodos loved that."

"Only Zack knows, but he might have told them. Genesis is an interesting guy."

Damon laughed. "Huh."

"Really flirty."

"So I hear."

They smiled at each other, and then Damon asked, nudging him under the table again, "When I make First you'll join my fanclub, right?"

Cloud snorted. "Like _you'd _ever have any fans."

Damon looked shocked and Cloud dropped his fork, waving his hands awkwardly. "Oh, I was messing with you—sorry. Of course you'd have a fanclub."

That was the sort of thing he would say to Zack. They acted like they hated each other all the time, only to giggle about it and smile like fools. But that was because Cloud was extremely comfortable with Zack, and as much as Cloud had been confusing Damon with Zack in his head the entire evening (and the entire time they'd known each other) he was _not _his best SOLDIER friend.

He had to be better about remembering that.

The awkward moment was smoothed over, but something bothered Cloud the rest of the meal. Now that he had started thinking and talking about Zack he couldn't stop; every time his handsome ex-teacher smiled the blond could not help but recall the similar one Zack always cracked whenever he saw him.

The meal itself was not as good as what Angeal and Sephiroth had prepared him, either. It was a weird, sudden thought.

Damon tried to pay for it all though, and even though Cloud bullied his way into splitting the check the SOLDIER held his hand the whole way back to HQ. He murmured to him and kissed his ear and Cloud found himself flirting back, even though he, at the beginning of the day, had been unsure if he was going to allow himself to.

He had told Zack and Angeal he wanted a boyfriend—a Gaia-damned _relationship_ to replace the many hookups he'd been having. They were fun, but something was definitely lacking, leaving him unfulfilled in the way that he had been with Zack. Damon wasn't his boyfriend—this was only a first date—but half of Cloud wanted him to be. The other half, his pessimistic side, knew already that it was pointless.

Cloud shook himself. Of course it was going to be impossible to find someone who he felt as connected to. That didn't mean he should give up before he even really tried. Right?

The infantryman's fingers hooked around the straps of the rather goofy-looking suspenders Damon was wearing and pulled the older man closer to him on their shared seat on the train. Cloud was sitting against the window and Damon playfully squished him against it. Their lips met, but not long enough to unduly bother anyone around them on the train—though it was pretty empty at this time of day, around one in the afternoon.

The Second was utterly fascinated with Cloud's ridiculous hair and Cloud with Damon's; the tight, dark curls, cut very close to his head, tickled his palm as he coasted a hand up to cradle his head, easing and directing him in for more kisses.

Klarke was fun, he really was—but he was no Zack, Cloud concluded as they entered HQ again. It shouldn't have mattered, because _obviously _he wasn't Zack Fair. It did, though. For whatever reason.

It wasn't enough to stop Cloud from murmuring "_Absolutely_" when Damon invited him back to his place. It was so bizarre, getting fucked in a bed—the first real _bed _that he'd been in since his time with Zack that wasn't a cramped ShinRa bunk, not a classroom, and not some other precarious location.

And although bizarre, the sex itself was good. Damon was a more serious lover than most Cloud had been with, and was no-nonsense in the way he got Cloud out of his clothes and spread him out on the sheets. It was fucking hot though, it always was. The SOLDIER fucked him with his tongue again, and although Cloud had come a long way since the first time someone had rimmed him he couldn't hold back the hot flush on his cheeks as he arched up towards the ceiling.

When Damon slid inside him later with a low groan and a nip to Cloud's bottom lip the blond sank his fingers into the man's wild spikes of hair and tugged. Except no, he didn't, and they merely coasted along the fuzzy curve of his skull again, fingertips brushing the mark above his ear from a piece of shrapnel on a mission years ago that hadn't healed right.

"You like that?" Damon murmured to him, his voice low, and right in his ear—like a real lover. Cloud drew his knees closer to his chest and moaned helplessly. He _did _fucking like it, he _loved _it—even though he, in preparation for this date, had told himself that he wasn't gonna do it. Sex was supposed to be off the table for a little while, but here he was.

"Little faster," Cloud breathed, because Damon was going too slow, like this _meant _something, and it was weird. He came twice, and even had a warm SOLDIER to spoon up behind him afterward. As his heart rate gradually slowed Cloud squinted at the far wall and tried to figure out what exactly it was that felt so wrong.

* * *

><p>Cloud arrived at his own birthday party with his ass aching and a scowl on his face.<p>

"Spiiiike!" Zack cried as he opened the door to his apartment. "Birthday boy is here, guys!"

His hard expression melted away into a sheepish smile as he moseyed inside Zack's home, rubbing the back of his neck. Zack wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tugged him inside, purposefully keeping him off-balance and stumbling along beside him, because he was an ass like that.

Cloud knew only half of the people in the room, but that was fine by him. It was a little strange having a birthday party with strangers, but Cloud had not invited anyone on his own, and left it up to Zack. Rather than a party for Cloud, it was more like a small gathering of Zack's friends. They would all chill and have some cake, nothing big. Cloud vastly preferred it that way.

"Introductions," Zack declared as he stopped in the middle of the living room. He stood behind Cloud and looped his arms around his ribs in a hug. He was tall enough to rest his chin on the top of Cloud's head. "Those three over there—you know them already. Smile, Sephiroth."

Sephiroth, leaning against a far wall and previously talking to Angeal and Genesis, obediently smiled at Cloud. It was stiff and awkward as it was on command and Cloud almost laughed. It was still so surprising to see that he—as well as the others—were here at all.

"Kunsel, Brian, Luxiere, Cissnei. That's Ian—hi Wendy—and Lazard. The Director's got a meeting in an hour so he can't stay long but he wanted to say hi."

Cloud managed polite hellos to all of them, and thanked them for coming. Cloud was slightly late, as he'd run into one of his COs on the way from the barracks who had some questions about his schedule, and it seemed they'd already broke into the drinks and food.

ShinRa, although a dynamic and occasionally very fun place to work, was tough. People died on the regular—this was the military, after all. Even those in administrative positions within the company had hard, long days. It did not seem like everybody knew each other, but they all knew Zack, and that connection was enough to bring them all together for a few hours to celebrate some random trooper's birthday. Zack Fair was magnetic like that.

Cloud, at least, had never been able to resist that pull, and stuck close to him for the first few minutes, awkward around so many superiors. Two people were in Turk uniforms, and the SOLDIER Trio was keeping to themselves against the far wall. He could feel their eyes on him. Zack, sensing Cloud's mild distress, pulled him into the kitchen. He handed him a cider and clapped him on the shoulder.

"How'd the date go?"

Evasively, Cloud replied, "Fine."

"Oh, come on. He boyfriend material?"

"I don't think so. I'm probably going to end it."

That derailed Zack's grin a bit, and it made Cloud feel bad. "He's great," he said, waving a hand dismissively, "But something doesn't feel right, you know?" He frowned. "I'm more disappointed that I slept with him again. I told myself I wasn't going to until I was in a, you know." He scuffed his foot. _Relationship_.

"Aw. Hey." Zack ruffled his hair, but did not retract his hand after, and massaged Cloud's scalp. He tugged the blond forward into his chest. The soft cotton of his t-shirt smelled so nice. "Once you start it can be hard to stop, don't be hard on yourself. It's alright that he's not the dude for you." Zack paused. "But man, I really thought you two were set! That's a little disappointing."

Cloud lifted his head to peer up at Zack, confused. He really had been gunning for Damon in a weird way. Over Zack's shoulder he watched as Genesis Rhapsodos strolled into the kitchen, and Cloud stepped away as he spotted them. The redhead propped one hand on his waist and looked, for the briefest of moments, entirely too analytical. Then his expression smoothed out into an easy smile as he came up behind Zack and drew him into a kiss.

"So you're the one who keeps drinking these," Genesis accused as he pulled away, and narrowed his eyes at Cloud. The infantryman blinked at the bottle in his hand and attempted to hand it back.

"I haven't taken a sip yet. Sorry, Sir."

Genesis snorted. "I'm kidding." He gently thwapped Zack with the back of his hand. "He doesn't know I'm kidding. You have work to do."

"It takes someone at least…I dunno, a decade to figure _you_ out."

"You're sweet," Genesis flirted, and kissed him again. "And happy birthday to you," he told Cloud when his tongue had found its way back from Zack's mouth. "How old are we turning, hm?"

"Eighteen."

"Lovely. Come join us."

He followed Genesis back out into the living room, and Cloud sat on the couch. Zack was already deep in conversation with one of the Turks, the pretty redhead, C-something, and he turned rather awkwardly to Kunsel, sitting beside him.

"Happy Birthday," the man said.

Cloud wasn't very surprised to see him wearing his helmet. He and Kunsel had interacted a few times before, as Kunsel was Zack's other best friend, and at first it had been almost hostile between them. Cloud had been insecure as hell, only having Zack to call his own in the entirety of ShinRa, and for Kunsel Cloud was the infantryman that had come out of nowhere and suddenly started sucking up Zack's free time.

If Zack had enough room in his heart for three boyfriends he most certainly could handle two best friends, however, so they made their peace with each other.

"Thanks."

"You do anything fun for your birthday?"

"Not really," Cloud shrugged. He'd had a date (although he hadn't told said date that it was his birthday because that would have been weird) and had worryingly thought about his best friend during sex with said date, so there was that. Not all of it had processed entirely yet so he refused to let himself think about it.

"Well, you've got all of us for a few hours, I guess."

"Yeah. I'm really glad everyone came. Even if I don't know most of them."

Kunsel laughed. "Once you make SOLDIER you'll get to know more people. Though Zack's pretty unique—only a few of us are on friendly terms with any Turks."

"Why?" Cloud asked, but Kunsel just shook his head. The two individuals in the black suits were conversing with others but it was entirely possible they were listening. He hadn't forgotten his panic over remembering that the Turks existed in the middle of sex with Damon.

As he surveyed the room he noted just how much power was crammed into the apartment. There were the Turks, SOLDIERs of various ranks—and that wasn't even counting the three powerful presences still chatting among themselves on the other side of the room who Cloud was deliberately avoiding looking at—and the Director of SOLDIER himself, who was… trying to get his attention.

"Strife," Lazard greeted once Cloud focused on him. He held out his hand and Cloud shook it. "I was told you're interested in SOLDIER."

"Yessir."

The elder blond nodded approvingly. "Glad to hear it." He handed Cloud a card, and the blond went crimson, stuttering awkwardly that the man didn't have to. Lazard waved him away, wished him a pleasant birthday, and turned back to the conversation he'd been having with Zack. (This was the first card Cloud opened that night, a couple hours later, to find that in the card Lazard had given him a five Gil gift card to the ShinRa gift shop—these were the rewards always given when infantry or SOLDIER participated in surveys or tests the company wanted data for. They probably had thousands sitting in a storage room somewhere. He supposed it was the thought that counted.)

Rather than spending time focusing on Cloud, as he had feared, everyone seemed determined to drink themselves into oblivion as quickly as possible. Half the people present were in uniform, having duties to attend to late that night, and the rest had things to do the next day. It was amazing that the four people Cloud actually wanted there all had managed to get the evening off.

He suffered the awkward 'happy birthday' conversation with everyone there, slowly making his way around the room. Once it was out of the way things got easier, however; he leant back into the couch and was content to watch everyone else interact. It was what he did best, provided he wasn't with Zack. Then he liked to do the interacting.

His eyes cut to his friend; Zack was laughing at something Kunsel had just said, his face happy. They had certainly _interacted_, all right.

Cloud abruptly stood and made his way into Zack's kitchen, slightly wobbly on legs that hadn't borne his weight since he'd finished his fourth—or maybe fifth?—drink.

General Sephiroth himself was sitting alone at the kitchen table, and he looked up as Cloud entered. The blond smiled awkwardly at him and brushed past the table to the fridge. He rooted around in it for a while too long, trying to figure out what to do. He and Sephiroth had exchanged less than five sentences, including that dinner when Cloud had first met him properly. He didn't want to go back out there though, not when Zack was…being Zack.

He straightened up eventually and poked around in a nearby drawer for one of Zack's bottle openers. Sephiroth was staring at the half-empty bottle—a fucking _handle_—of whiskey in front of him but he said simply, "You may sit, if you wish."

He'd be hard-pressed to turn down an invitation like that. Cloud sat beside Sephiroth, his movements hesitant. The General still hardly glanced at him, preoccupied by whatever he was thinking, as Cloud scooted the chair in. It made a grating sound against the floor that made Cloud wince and Sephiroth's brows draw together.

He took a sip of his cider—the last one in the fridge, Genesis was going to be huffy, he knew it—and decided to use the opportunity to get a good look at his superior. Sephiroth was an incredibly recognizable figure, of course; Cloud had memorized his features many years ago. Up close and in person he was especially striking, though. He was older than he had been when Cloud had sat in front of his TV and tried to pretend he wasn't infatuated with him, and that age had done nothing but good. The cut of his jawline was sharper and his narrowed eyes studied his bottle with a wise, burning kind of intensity. He'd never thought he'd be this close to this man.

Sephiroth finally turned to him, and his strange pupils were blown wide.

"I thought SOLDIERs couldn't get drunk," Cloud blurted.

"Incorrect," Sephiroth replied, and that much was plain. The man was _wasted_.

Cloud glanced warily again at the half-empty bottle. Sephiroth offered it to him, and although whiskey wasn't Cloud's favorite he accepted—only a fool wouldn't. He took a swig from the neck and remembered something from childhood, when everyone was an embarrassing little shit; _that's an indirect kiss_.

He passed it back and hoped his expression didn't give him away.

"SOLDIER metabolisms process alcohol extremely quickly," Sephiroth explained. "The average recommendation for a non-enhanced person is one standard drink per hour." He took a sip from the bottle, seemingly unconcerned with the taste. "SOLDIERs will get very highly intoxicated from one drink, but the effects will only last about fifteen minutes – less so the more enhanced you are." Another sip. "I will finish this and be sober by the time we go to sleep."

"…Wow." Cloud had to double check he wasn't gaping. "That's badass, Sir, if you don't mind me saying."

Sephiroth's brows furrowed as he studied him. Cloud had never been subjected to such close scrutiny, and it normally may have made him shy away, but Sephiroth held an awesome power. He couldn't drag his gaze away, even if Sephiroth's eyes were slightly unfocused and glowing more than usual as the mako inside him processed all the alcohol inside his body.

"Thank you," he said finally, and blinked, releasing him from the spell.

"Welcome," Cloud mumbled as he tried to get his thoughts straight. "…Why are you in here, Sir?"

"You may drop the formalities."

"Oh. Okay."

Sephiroth squinted at him, as if daring Cloud to say 'Sir' again. "I no longer felt like being in there." He nodded his head in the direction of the living room, and some of his hair spilled over his shoulder. It was so damn gorgeous.

Cloud tried not to chuckle at his superior—Sephiroth was so very clearly drunk. Maybe most people wouldn't have been able to tell, and Cloud didn't know him very well at all, but his speech was more formal than it was normally, and his words were too clipped. He wished the man would relax a bit.

Kindly, Cloud asked, "Too big a crowd?"

"Zack, Genesis and Angeal are good with people," was the response.

He could see that. Sephiroth hadn't exactly seemed uncomfortable during his dinner the previous month but he hadn't really talked either. Zack had mentioned a few times how Sephiroth only seemed to relax in the presence of his lovers, and loathed the crowded, high-stakes board meetings he had to attend weekly. Cloud nudged the man's forearm with his knuckles and leant in earnestly. Desperate to make some sort of connection with his General he said, "Me neither. That's why I came in here."

At times Cloud could be a very complicated individual. Even Zack occasionally grew frustrated when Cloud retreated into his angry, aggressive shell born of years of loneliness in Nibelheim. When he was trying to be nice, however, or when he was happy, it shone through past his usual indifferent mask; he looked into Sephiroth's gaze and tried to convey that he was serious.

Sephiroth seemed to correctly gather that Cloud was not making fun of him, and spoke the truth. "You may stay in here with me, then."

"Cool." Cloud's mouth pulled into a frown—_cool?_—but Sephiroth ignored it.

"Are you having a pleasant birthday?"

"It's okay." Cloud curved his back and leant over the kitchen table, propping his chin up on his forearm. "I had a date this morning, but it didn't so go well."

Sephiroth just watched him, taking another long swig of the whiskey. The long column of his throat, working as he swallowed, was terribly distracting, so Cloud looked away. Confiding in strangers wasn't so bad. "I like him, and I think he's willing to, you know, date me and all. And that's what I'm looking for, even—I told Zack and Angeal I wanted that. But even still it doesn't feel right, or like it's enough. You know?"

"No."

Cloud blinked, thrown off by the blunt response. Sephiroth continued, "But I am extremely spoiled. I remember the days before I knew Angeal or Genesis, and they were—terrible." The General paused, remembering something. "…But since then I have been quite happy. It is very rare that I feel like something is lacking, though I suppose it does happen."

"What would the four of _you _ever feel is missing?" They had it all, it seemed—money, fame, each other. It was hard in the military but if anyone could handle it it was these four.

Sephiroth studied him. His lips thinned as he pressed them together in consideration. That hot, entrapping gaze swept over him from his head to his feet.

He answered, "I do not know."

Cloud swallowed, the air of the kitchen suddenly thick. "I—when is your birthday?" he asked, the first thing he could think of.

"I do not have one." Cloud raised an eyebrow and Sephiroth elaborated, a bit, "The date of my birth has never been revealed to me, and is on no documents that I am aware of."

Cloud leant back in his chair as he thought, balancing on the two back legs. "…I guess you'll just have to pick a day, then, if you haven't already. You have a favorite month?"

Sephiroth's serious expression gave way to a smile. It was small, but it was there, and his whole demeanor seemed to soften the slightest bit—Cloud hadn't even thought that could happen to this man.

"You didn't say you were sorry for me." Cloud started to stammer something, the empty, comforting words he had evidently neglected, but Sephiroth stopped him with a gentle touch to his hand.

"You're passing all of my tests, Cloud. I am glad."

It was unclear whether this was a drunken admission or not; Sephiroth had started using contractions again, which was probably a good indicator that he was comfortably intoxicated now and not trying to fight it. On the other hand, he didn't seem like the type who would care much about revealing something like that.

"Tests?" Cloud echoed.

"I have to make sure Zack didn't have sex with someone who doesn't deserve him."

Cloud was still leaning way back in his chair, a foot hooked around the table's leg, but tried to look composed. He met Sephiroth's stare head-on like he had the others' during that dinner. He was worth it; he had to be.

"What were the other tests?"

"You are kind," Sephiroth said, and paused to take at least five shots' worth straight from the bottle. Cloud's jaw dropped. He accepted the whiskey again when Sephiroth passed it to him. "You treat Zack nicely, and clearly make him happy. Although occasionally shy, you do what you must. You are extremely attractive. You passed Genesis and Angeal's own inspections. No record of terrorism or rebellion. As far as I can tell, you did not use Zack for any political or personal gain—other than the successful loss of your virginity, which was the objective." He took the heavy bottle from Cloud's lax hands, because it looked like the blond was about to drop it. "I'll keep the rest of the tests to myself, but I can divulge that you earned bonus points for staying to talk with me. I am grateful."

"It's no trouble," Cloud said, dazed—the end of Sephiroth's brief speech was all he could focus on. Something in the middle had short-circuited his brain.

"What's no trouble?"

Cloud yelped as the chair abruptly tipped backwards. It wasn't because he'd lost his balance, though; Genesis Rhapsodos had yanked on it and caught him just before hitting the floor. The SOLDIER tilted him back up until all four legs touched down.

"Cloud is keeping me company," Sephiroth answered for him, and tilted his head up for the kiss Genesis gave him. It was long, and the wet sounds of tongues sliding together made Cloud blush. He tried not to watch but failed; how many infantrymen could say they'd seen _these two _make out right in front of them? He got caught though, but neither man seemed very surprised to see Cloud blatantly staring. They didn't even comment on it.

"I was wondering where you two were. I was afraid we'd have a situation on our hands."

"No, Sir," Cloud said, going cold with shock. "We were just in here talking, I—"

"I'm kidding," Genesis said, looking at Sephiroth miserably, "He still doesn't know when I'm kidding."

Cloud wasn't so sure. At the very least he figured Genesis was giving him some sort of warning; he was the territorial one in the group, it seemed. That made him all the more curious about something he'd been wanting to know for a while, and he tilted his head as Genesis pulled out the last remaining chair (the others were temporarily in the living room) and sat on Sephiroth's other side. The Commander reached out and slid Cloud's drink, mostly untouched at this point, across the table so he could nurse it. He glanced at Sephiroth's whiskey, three-fourths gone at this point.

"You and Zack are both trying to stay drunk the entire night. That's so much _work_."

"It is," Sephiroth agreed amicably.

"You alright, dear?"

"Fine. Like I said, Cloud has been keeping me company."

"And what pleasant company it is." Genesis raised his eyebrows as he glanced at Cloud. He flicked his bangs out of his eyes with a shake of head and waited for Cloud to speak.

"Do you two mind if I ask a question?" They said nothing, so Cloud took it as a yes. "What did Zack say to you? When he brought me up the first time."

"Asking if he could fuck you?"

Cloud nodded. Despite the harsh word Genesis seemed happy to talk about it. He and Sephiroth looked at each other for a long moment, sorting out their thoughts.

"He was gentle about it," Sephiroth said, though Cloud had no idea what that meant.

"Zack brought it up during dinner—mm, you're right, Angeal made that meatloaf that night—and said something like, 'I have a really important request, and it's going to sound kind of weird, but I want you to hear me out.'" Genesis shrugged. "So we did."

"He asked if we remembered you."

"Did you?"

Genesis let out a little gust of amusement, his bangs shifting with it. "Of course we did. His cute infantryman who wouldn't make eye contact with us? Please."

"He talks about you constantly," Sephiroth revealed, his lips twitching into a smirk, "More than he probably realizes."

Cloud didn't know what to say to that. He pressed his palm to his cheek casually to hide half of his warming face. "And then?"

"He told us that you were having various issues and needed someone friendly for your first time. Someone who would be slow and considerate, and who you were close to."

Sephiroth nodded at Genesis's words and added, "We were slightly skeptical at first, but he answered our questions. The last thing he wanted was for you to have a bad experience."

Cloud rubbed at his forehead, feeling his belly erupt into butterflies. "Zack, he… he really cares, huh?"

"I would think you're a bit of a special case, dear." Genesis winked at him. "He cares about you more than most. But yes, he has a big heart. One of his best traits, though I don't understand it."

"Nonsense. He just acts mean, Cloud," Sephiroth advised, and his smile turned wicked as Genesis sighed loudly and glared at him.

"I have to intimidate the infantryman, because someone has to. Don't ruin my image."

"You're not that scary a guy," Cloud offered, rather hesitantly, but put it out there all the same.

Genesis looked pleased to hear it, despite what he said moments ago.

"Though I'll admit I was freaked out to meet you the first time. I was afraid you'd… hate me, or something. You really don't mind that I slept with Zack?"

That was the most important question of the entire night. Cloud's eyes flickered between both their faces as he waited for their response.

"It's not quite that I don't mind," Genesis said thoughtfully, and Cloud's grip grew tight on his jeans under the table. "I do 'mind.' Every time I look at you-" and his gaze swept over Cloud's body, from the gently-swaying spikes of his hair, buffeted by the spinning ceiling fan above, to his softly parted lips and the nervous swallow of his throat as he looked back, "-I think about how my lover fucked you in the bed I often share with him. He held you and sucked your cock, right? He did all the things an attentive lover should?"

When Cloud did not respond promptly Genesis raised his eyebrows, the gesture impatient. If Cloud had thought Zack was like a cat while fingering him this man put him to shame; there was no way to tell if the gentle smile playing at his mouth meant genuine amusement or was the eerie calm just before an attack. His gaze was locked with Genesis's and he couldn't tear it away. He breathed, "Yeah."

"And he kissed you as he took you in all those different ways we heard about?"

"…Yeah."

"And it was _fantastic, _wasn't it?"

"Y-Yessir."

"Well." Genesis tilted his head, coy, "That's good to hear. We're not angry, if that's what you're really asking, nor jealous, nor holding any grudges, because we trust Zack, and always have. You can relax."

Cloud did not relax, and continued to not relax for the next two minutes of absolute silence in the kitchen. Sephiroth did not add anything after Genesis's surprising…_outburst_, perhaps, looking uncomfortable and tending to his whiskey. He glanced at Cloud now and again. Cloud's sweaty hands trembled in his lap. Genesis seemed absolutely comfortable, sipping at his drink and continuing to fucking _smile _at the both of them like this odd, sexually-charged, hostile but-not-quite atmosphere was the most amusing thing he'd witnessed in a long while.

Zack saved him. He heard loud footsteps and then his friend came into the kitchen. "There you all are!" he exclaimed, and happily came forward to hug Sephiroth from behind. "I was worried." He paused, recognizing that something was off. "You two aren't bugging him, are ya?"

"Of course we are," Genesis answered, smiling sweetly.

"What? My respectable boyfriends? Harassing my Spike on his birthday?"

Angeal had followed Zack in, though at a slower pace, and ruffled Cloud's hair. He towered over Cloud while he was still sitting and the blond peered up at him. "I'm sure Cloud can take whatever we give him."

"I thought I told you to stop flirting with him, 'Geal," Zack protested. Cloud went stiff, awkward as all hell. Angeal's gently-scritching fingers were giving him the shivers too.

"Hey, don't get possessive," Genesis gently scolded, his pretty lips turning down into a pout. He hooked a hand around Zack's thigh and tugged him over. "I thought that was the whole point of all this."

Zack paused and then scoffed at him. "Yeah, yeah," he said, even as Genesis, still sitting, pressed his face into his stomach and gave him a kiss there. "Anyway, we're here to kick you out of the kitchen. Well, kick Cloud out of the kitchen. Shoo, Spike."

Cloud stood rather awkwardly, nodding, but to his surprise Sephiroth left with him. He followed his General out into the living room. There were only two other people present now, Kunsel and Luxiere, and they were discussing some ShinRa documents they had spread out on the coffee table. Cloud curled up on a chair, the same one he'd sat in while being interrogated the first time. He opened Lazard's card and placed it on an end table. He glanced up and caught Sephiroth's eye.

The SOLDIER had been quietly listening to Kunsel and Luxiere's conversation but focused on Cloud briefly. "I'm sorry if Genesis made you uncomfortable in any way."

The blond shook his head. "No, it's okay… I like him a lot." He spoke the truth, and then spoke a little flirtatiously, because he was tipsy, and why not? "And you too."

Sephiroth tipped his head in acknowledgement. "You are surprisingly pleasant company."

Angeal, Zack and Genesis returned with Cloud's cake. Cloud had spotted it in the fridge earlier but pretended he hadn't at the time. It was cute, obviously homemade, and someone—looked like Zack's handwriting—had written 'Happy B-Day Cloud' in squiggly blue. Genesis had a materia in his left hand and lit the candles with tiny flames from a fingertip on his right. They placed it on the coffee table, the other SOLDIERs having moved their work papers, and they sang happy birthday.

Zack was loudest, and everyone else seemed awkward. Sephiroth was definitely lip-syncing, Angeal was mumbling at best, and Luxiere forgot Cloud's name. Still, Cloud beamed and ducked his head in shyness and felt his whole body thrum with warmth. His mother stopped singing him this song when he became a teenager, because it was sad only having her around to do it, and he'd asked her not to. These people did a shitty job, but they did it.

The cake was just as good as he remembered. Angeal gestured Cloud over onto the couch and put a friendly arm around his shoulders. Cloud doused the man in compliments on his baking—without prompting, this time—and Angeal chuckled, tucking him a little closer, saying he was glad.

Zack came out later with a wrapped present and Cloud immediately began to stumble his words again like he had with Lazard, but the SOLDIER dropped it in his lap and made him take it. There was a cheesy card where Zack thanked him for his friendship, and all four had signed it. The gift, unwrapped with Cloud's slightly-shaky hands, was a set of three beginner Materia.

"You're trying out for SOLDIER, right? Anyone who goes from the infantry to SOLDIER needs to know how to use 'em, even if just a little bit, to get in. You can practice," Zack told him, nodding. "The gift's mostly from me but the others pitched in a little bit."

"Thank you," Cloud kept repeating, his eyes wide and awed, "Thank you."

The 'party' was mostly over after that. Luxiere left, and Cloud helped clean up. Genesis gave him a playful nudge with his hip as they washed and dried the dishes together, and Cloud grinned; for as unpredictable as the man was, he really did like him. Much to his amazement Sephiroth and Zack really were sober by the time they went to bed. Cloud, however, was not—people (Zack and Kunsel) had made him take a few shots after the cake, it being his birthday. Zack tossed a pillow on the couch for him.

Kunsel was already asleep in the nearby armchair so Zack didn't hesitate to pull Cloud into his chest in the middle of the living room. His arms were solid around his back and his cheek against the top of Cloud's head was so nice and comforting, so gentle.

"You had a good day?" Zack asked.

Cloud could feel the stares of the SOLDIER Trio, not ten feet away and waiting for Zack in the entrance to the bedroom, but he didn't care—he closed his eyes and leant into Zack's warmth, hugging him back.

"Yeah," Cloud answered. The answer was insufficient; he had, again, never been good with his words—but like the sex with Zack it seemed impossible to describe his contentment at the moment. Whatever this was, it was better than the sex he'd been having. Or at least really close to it.

He opened his eyes again and peered under Zack's head at the other three, who all looked sleepy and amused, but were still watching. He didn't shy away.

Zack bade him goodnight, as did the others, and they disappeared. For whatever silly reason, Cloud wanted to follow. Instead, he turned around, peeled off his socks, laughing quietly to himself at his poor balance, and collapsed on the couch.

"Goodnight Kunsel," Cloud muttered as he rolled onto his side. A particularly loud snore was his answer.

* * *

><p><em>Thanks, all you babes out there. Happy non-birthday to Cloud Strife. :)<em>


	7. Chapter 7

Two smelly socks were in his face, and Zack Fair was shaking him awake. Cloud scrunched up his face in misery and tried to go back to sleep but Zack poked his cheek.

"Wake up, Spike. Breakfast."

The blond rubbed at his eyes sleepily and managed to focus on Kunsel. The SOLDIER must have gotten annoyed with the armchair in the middle of the night because he was now squished with Cloud on the couch, though his head was on the opposite end. It was his feet in Cloud's face.

"Gross," Cloud muttered and rolled off onto the floor. Zack hauled him to his feet and gave him a noogie, which was just about the last thing Cloud wanted.

"Sleepy Cloud strikes again. He's too cute," Zack said, speaking to somebody. Cloud peeked and saw Angeal and Genesis passing through to the kitchen. Both were damp, like they'd just gotten out of the shower (gulp, together?). "You hungover at all?"

"No, but I want water."

Zack let him go and Cloud got a cup from the kitchen. Sephiroth was in there already, but unlike the evening before, he had a glass of orange juice in front of him and greeted him politely upon entering.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Their concern was so strange.

Once his glass was drained he freshened up in the bathroom. It was bizarre, but rather awesome, seeing his toothbrush in its usual spot next to the others'. His clothes were rumpled and he hadn't brought spares, and worried momentarily about his appearance. Angeal and Genesis looked incredible with their hair wet and slicked-back off their foreheads as they'd started to prepare breakfast. He looked…well, like he'd gotten drunk and slept on his friend's couch. At least he didn't look like he'd just fucked someone.

Kunsel was awake and evidently grumpy.

"You even sleep with the thing on?" Zack was in the middle of asking when Cloud re-entered the kitchen.

"Not normally. Idiot."

"You couldn't have taken it off last night though?"

Cloud watched the SOLDIERs bicker and then diverted his attention, not having it in him. A gentle hand landed between his shoulder blades and coasted down to his lower back. It pushed, and Cloud was herded closer to the fridge and against Genesis Rhapsodos's side.

"Good morning," he greeted, all politeness and soft smiles for the moment, "What do you want to drink?"

He opened the fridge and pulled out Cloud's juice of choice. He rubbed Cloud's back again, this time firmer, once he had passed a filled glass over. "Did you sleep alright?"

This man's touch, platonic as it was, was making Cloud lose focus. "Um. Yeah. You?"

Genesis's smirk knew everything. "I did. Go sit, Cloud."

Breakfast woke Cloud up considerably. He mostly sat quietly during the meal, still blinking sleep out of his eyes, but they let him be. It had been ages since he'd had a real, edible breakfast anyway, with eggs and bacon and toast. He made sure to praise the cooks right away, which was becoming a _thing_, he supposed—Angeal grinned at him, his eyes gentle and indulgent at the inside joke. It was a great feeling to be in on something with these men.

The SOLDIER Trio and Zack had requested a small amount of leave, about sixteen hours, to hang with Cloud for his birthday but had to report to Lazard at noon. Kunsel dipped out at nine, and the rest of the time was spent cleaning up from breakfast and just talking: not about the loss of Cloud's virginity or the complicated feelings that bubbled up every time Cloud thought about his sexual escapades, but about regular stuff.

Genesis shoved a copy of LOVELESS into Cloud's hands and the blond held the book up high to completely obscure his face from Genesis, because he had no idea what the fuck he was reading. Poetry had always sounded ridiculous in his head when he attempted to understand it. Cloud turned his head and glanced at Sephiroth, who was sitting opposite him on the other side of the room. The blond's face morphed into panic, an SOS call, and Sephiroth laughed out loud, looking surprised at himself afterward.

"We'll just have to keep trying," Genesis said miserably as he collected the book back later. Cloud failed the man's quiz at the end of Act I.

"Leave the boy alone, Gen."

"I'm attempting to culture him, not torture him." Genesis rolled his eyes at Angeal.

"Do you know anything about horticulture, Cloud?"

"Oh, no," Genesis said, his voice low and dangerous, "I will not stand for another one."

"Another what?" Cloud asked, nervous.

"Another plant-obsessed brute who brings bugs and dirt into my office."

Cloud frowned as the two continued to look angry at each other. Then Genesis moved, and Cloud tensed—but then they were kissing, and Angeal chuckled against Genesis's mouth. The infantryman glanced at Zack, because that was just like how he and his friend interacted all the time, but Zack didn't notice.

Cloud left them around eleven, thanking them all profusely for the get-together, for the present, and for the company. "I had such a good time," he said, waving at the door.

"See you soon," Zack promised, and gently boxed Cloud's chin.

* * *

><p>"Come on, five more," Cloud barked.<p>

"Fuuuck."

"Five…four…" Cloud counted out loud Andrew's last few reps, getting even louder on the last two to encourage his friend. The other infantryman just barely managed the last rep, his arms shaking, and Cloud eased the heavy bar back onto its support. "Good job," he said amicably, and leaned over it, resting his forearms on the bar as he peered down. "You okay?"

"Ow," Andrew complained, but sat up on the bench.

The gym was fairly deserted this early on a Saturday morning, but it was better that way. The infantry could not use SOLDIER gyms and facilities but SOLDIER could use anything they damn well pleased. Occasionally some of the ruder Thirds liked to come in and lift exorbitant amounts of weight that was only possible due to enhancements. Fucking show-offs. Everybody hated them.

With it this empty they could have a pleasant conversation about the two dicks at once Andrew had taken the previous weekend, high out of his mind on some high-end Sector 4 drug. "Weren't you sore?" Cloud grunted between reps of his own, his face red with effort.

"No, I drank a potion afterward. Plus I barely remember it."

"That's a once in a lifetime thing. Kinda night you'd want to remember."

Andrew dished all the dirty deets as they moved on to squats. It happened at some friend of a friend's cramped apartment, and two couples had been going at it on the carpet of the bedroom as Andrew and his two buddies fucked on the bed. Cloud laughed (and at a dangerous moment, too, nearly losing his rhythm with the much heavier squatting bar across the room) and once he recovered managed, "I can't even imagine."

"It wasn't that bad," Andrew protested, but he really knew that, yes, it _was_. "That's right—you're Mr. Relationship now. How is that going, anyway?"

Cloud took up his spotting position after they switched again. "Not great."

"You still with Klarke?"

"Ssh," Cloud hushed, looking around, paranoid. There were only a few people he'd told that to, only Zack, Sephiroth, and a couple of his friends who had been in Damon's class with him. "No. I cut it off a few days ago."

He still remembered his ex-instructor's disappointed expression. Saying _no _to people asking to fuck had intimidated him once upon a time, but it wasn't a big deal now. Saying _no _to someone who would probably be down with dating you was a lot harder, but he'd had to do it. It wasn't fair to either of them if Cloud couldn't enjoy their time together because he had various hangups, some of which he still couldn't clearly identify. It wasn't fair for Cloud to lead him on any longer than he had.

He missed the guy, he did. He was funny and kind and most importantly not an asshole. Embarrassingly enough though he had to admit that he missed the sex even more than he missed the person—because he could be frank now, he liked Damon so much because he liked _Zack _so much, and he still very much had Zack in his life. The cock and ass and warm lips on his throat and strong fingers digging into his muscles, not so much anymore.

It had been six days since he and Damon had fucked for the last time, and four days since Cloud had called it all off. Going cold turkey was proving difficult again. He'd never thought that _four days _without sex would ever be enough to make him antsy. He really had come a long way since his first days in the military, bumbling along, promising (though only for a few weeks) that he'd 'save himself' for marriage.

"So I can have him?"

Andrew was joking, but Cloud said, "Go ahead," and curiously felt no jealousy at all.

"So what are you going to do?"

The blond sighed and pushed his sweaty bangs out of his forehead. He had it pulled back into a short ponytail for the workout, but a few spikes were starting to escape. "I don't know. I think I've got to sort out some stuff." Andrew looked curious, so Cloud elaborated, "Zack stuff."

"Zack Fair, right? You're close?"

Cloud nodded, glanced around for eavesdroppers, and then admitted, "My first time was with him—just a friend thing, like a favor, I guess—and I haven't…gotten over it."

Andrew's smile was delighted. "Why didn't you tell me that? That's _gold_, Strife." He nodded approvingly. "Belated congratulations to you for sleeping with him, god damn. Was it good?"

"_So _good," Cloud said softly, his eyes gentle as he reminisced.

"Well, don't worry about it. It's totally a thing, to get attached to the person who took your virginity. Happens to people all the time. It doesn't actually mean anything."

"Doesn't mean anything?" Cloud squinted and glanced at his friend.

"Nah. I spent months pining after my next-door neighbor back home in Corel, after our first time. She had zero interest and it fucked me up for a while." He shrugged. "You should keep your eyes open."

Cloud had _never_ said he was waiting for Zack, or that he desired more than friendship with the man, and he opened his mouth to spit something harsh and defensive. He paused, though. _Doesn't mean anything… _maybe his confusion with Zack really _was _a normal thing that people experienced all the time after situations like his. Half of him was disappointed at the news, and the other half was elated.

This meant he'd get over it.

"Yeah," he answered, stretching, "I will."

* * *

><p>'Keeping his eyes open' metaphorically proved difficult, distracted as he was (and continued to be) by Zack and his boyfriends.<p>

It was relieving to know that this was _normal_ though. He and Zack had fucked, and shared that _moment_, and rather than it being anything deeper, which was worrying, the dizzying drop in his stomach whenever Zack fixed his attention on him or grinned in his usual way and pulled him close as they walked around was a natural result of what they'd shared together.

Maybe.

At the very least it was totally _normal _that Cloud was growing infatuated with Zack's boyfriends. He'd had a crush on them for years, and since getting to know them better it had only gotten worse, especially considering he'd been seeing a lot of them in the two weeks since his birthday.

'Keeping his eyes open' literally was even harder. Sephiroth, as it turned out, was a very warm man, who sat very still and didn't jostle. Cloud had started to doze off beside him on the couch half an hour ago and Sephiroth, with a brief, private smile, had tilted Cloud to the side until the blond's head rested against his upper arm. Cloud's legs were tucked up on the cushion with him, his knees resting half across Sephiroth's lap as he leant into him, and was almost asleep when Zack started to gently shake him.

"Stop," Cloud ordered, burying his face into the fabric of Sephiroth's shirt. He curled up tighter.

"Spike. Spike. …Cloud, c'mon." More shaking. "Food." Pokes to Cloud's ticklish sides.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Cloud lashed out with a fist, but didn't lift his head. "Can't ya see I'm tryin' to fuckin' sleep?"

Against Cloud's forehead Sephiroth's body shook once or twice with suppressed laughter.

"His accent," Sephiroth observed.

"Cute, isn't it? Wake up, backwater boy."

With more grumbling Cloud eventually drew away from Sephiroth's warmth and sat at the table.

"Sorry for yelling at you," he apologized once he'd stirred to life a little bit. Zack chuckled and waved him away.

Angeal and Genesis had set a place for him at the table like it wasn't even a big deal anymore. There was a certain cup that Cloud tended to use whenever he got himself a glass of water and someone had placed it at his seat without prompting. Sephiroth passed him the pepper automatically, knowing Cloud liked his food to have some heat.

"So what happened with the requisitions?" Zack asked.

Genesis sighed. "First I had to speak with Johnson, on 25th. Mmmhm_, _him. Asshole. Then he redirected me to Scarlet's department…"

They talked about utterly boring, mundane, officework things. Cloud could not really contribute to the conversation, but no one expected him to. It wasn't awkward, just sitting and eating and enjoying the sounds of their voices (Zack's happy inflections, Genesis's smooth vocals, Angeal's calm sentences with the thoughtful pauses between them and Sephiroth's deep timbre) as they did the things lovers do.

In fact, in the few weeks after Cloud's birthday the blond witnessed all sorts of things. Whatever he'd done that night, or however he'd conducted himself, had granted him access into their inner circle, it seemed. There was no more outright hostility and Cloud sensed no more mistrust. He was doing his very best to be forthright and honest about his intentions with Zack. They'd fucked, yeah, but it was almost two months ago at this point. He had no designs to steal Zack away from them (as if he even could do such a thing, ha!) or turn the SOLDIER against them.

At times it seemed like the Trio knew—or at least could guess at—what Cloud thought about sometimes, when Zack smiled too much or said something stupid that punched that loud, uncharacteristic laughter from Cloud's belly. Sephiroth spent a lot of time staring at him and then glancing at Zack, his lips pressed together in thought. Angeal was always the polite, reserved one, but somehow Cloud just _knew _when he was affecting the easy smile that was a little strained, and covering up whatever he was really feeling. Genesis loved to mess with Cloud, and gave him teasing smiles and little jabs, sometimes about Zack—_he's so lovely, isn't he, Cloud?_—and rather than try to figure it out Cloud just tried to stay out of his way when he was in one of those moods.

They didn't seem angry though, and never asked him anything outright, so for now Cloud tried to ignore it.

In fact, rather than being grumpy and discontent with Cloud suddenly spending more time with their group they accepted him warmly. Somehow he seamlessly blended in to the background, doing his homework at the kitchen table as they talked in the living room, or sitting curled up on a chair at Genesis's place as they others watched the movie on the Commander's large TV from the couch.

With the transition from strangers to acquaintances to tentative friends came different phenomenon from the usual cup at his place at the dinner table too. They got nicer. They relaxed around him. They got touchier; Angeal liked to knead his shoulders and stroke his warm hands down his sides. Genesis was always there with a hand between his shoulder blades or on his hip to subtly direct his movements when they walked beside each other. Sephiroth apparently didn't mind Cloud nearly napping on him. Zack, he… he was spending more and more time away from Cloud, actually.

Some days he seemed to forget, and things would be like they always were. The closeness, the roughhousing and the stupid smiles into each other's faces that they couldn't hide even if one of the other three was watching too closely again. But then for the next few days Zack would be distant. He would encourage Cloud to sit next to one of the others instead of him, and find ways to distract himself when it was just the two of them hanging out off-HQ or down in one of the gyms.

It was giving Cloud a headache, but he tried to focus more on the good changes than the bad. Learning more about his heroes was enough to draw Cloud's attention away from Zack's recent odd behavior. Seeing them act less like 'heroes' and more like regular people threw him for a loop, but even that was pleasant.

Angeal, of all people, tended to get very crabby when he was sleep-deprived. Genesis wasn't a very good cook, although he tried a lot. He looked disappointed every time he scraped a pot of gray gunk into the trash; apparently the only thing he could do well were desserts. Sephiroth really was quite awkward, Cloud came to understand, and he spent a lot of time alone with the man as opposed to interacting with him in a bigger group. He had no delusions about being the one to 'fix' anybody but he was fairly sure Sephiroth appreciated their talks, and that they were making him happy, if anything.

Their guards were even so low around Cloud now that he saw them have a fight. It started when Zack came over to Angeal's apartment several hours later than he was supposed to, having gotten called out to settle some sort of disturbance in Sector 8 on very short notice (Cloud, during that time, had soaked up the three SOLDIERs' attention like a sponge, enjoyed himself at dinner, and destroyed Genesis and Angeal both in the computer game that was really hot with the infantry at the moment). Zack was understandably irritated, but then had berated all of them for not leaving him any leftovers.

"Is it really that hard to be considerate for once?" Zack had bitched with his head stuck in the fridge, knocking a bottle around. It hardly sounded like his friend.

"Don't get petty, Zack," Angeal replied with a roll of his eyes, "We all figured you'd get food on your way back."

Zack then stuck his head into the living room and said incredulously, "_Petty_? Me?"

He then accused Angeal of being unreasonable during their last excursion out of the city the weekend previous, some date or another they'd gone on by themselves, which seemed to be the _real _issue, and his bad mood because of his evening had finally given him an excuse to bring it up. Genesis chimed in, causing Angeal to snap at him—and then the two SOLDIERs were having at it, raising their voices and yelling about Genesis' 'pissy attitude' regarding the newest batch of Third Classes and how Angeal was 'coddling' the whole group of them. Zack somehow found a way to inject himself in the conversation and shouted and threw up his hands for the sake of being angry.

Cloud, sitting on the carpet with his laptop, twisted around and debated making a break for the door. He'd never heard any of them yell, besides Zack, though never at him. Seeing and hearing real _anger _in their voices was strange, and almost a little scary. He doubted they wanted him to witness this.

Sephiroth caught his wide-eyed look and the awkward slump of his back. His eyes were narrowed (so _cold) _and he looked pissed, having just huffed air out of his nose like a bull about to charge. Instead of getting in on the fray though he sighed and grabbed the hem of Cloud's shirt as he slipped past on his way out. He towed Cloud onto the chair he was sitting in, so they were squished together.

"Please stay," the General murmured to him, right against his ear so he could speak at a normal volume. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Cloud replied automatically, surprised _Sephiroth _was the one to offer him comfort.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Zack cried from the entrance of the kitchen, glaring fiercely at Genesis.

"This is stupid," Sephiroth confided in him, his thumb stroking small soothing paths on Cloud's hip, "They'll get it out of their system in a few minutes."

"Are you sure?"

"Very."

They sat together as the three of them continued to bicker, and soon enough they began to run out of steam. Genesis looked in his element, daring the others to say something next; Angeal seemed at his wit's end, finally abandoning the cool and collected demeanor he always seemed to have. But eventually they petered out, shooting back and forth a few more insults and accusations before Sephiroth said curtly, "Gentlemen," and gave them all a highly unamused look.

"Aw, shit," Zack said, rubbing the side of his face tiredly, "Sorry, Spike."

They all apologized, despite Cloud's assurances that it was fine and that they shouldn't have to act differently around him. To his relief half an hour later everything was normal again with everyone. Genesis teased Angeal about something and Zack ordered himself Wutaian, which he ate with this great big happy smile on his face, his legs stretched out over Angeal's lap.

"Cloud?"

The trooper blinked rapidly, coming out of the memory, and peered across the dinner table at Zack. He was smiling—how many times had Cloud missed his name being spoken?

Angeal waved his fingers in front of Cloud's face. "You with us?"

Cloud nodded, embarrassed. "Yeah. Sorry."

He was learning how a relationship with many people worked. It worked like that—long romantic evenings, short bursts of time together rushed by upcoming missions, and even fights between two, three, or all four. It worked like this too—unremarkable dinners with unremarkable conversation, but remarkable time spent all the same. Time as a family. Cloud wasn't part of it, but he was privileged enough to witness.

"I asked how it's going on the boyfriend front."

Cloud took a sip of water to hide his scowl. He didn't want to think about his own frustrations when basking in the gentle affection these four had for each other. Not to mention all the attention was on him now, which didn't thrill him.

He shrugged. "Not so great. Though I haven't been looking very hard, I guess." He added at Zack's disappointed expression, "…I'll figure it out."

"I know I've offered already, but I can help set you up with some guys. I know you're not crazy about the Thirds, but there's this one guy I was stationed in Mideel with who was pretty cool. He seems like your type."

Cloud gave a strained smile. "Uh, maybe. Thanks."

"No problem. I've got you, Spike."

Genesis harshly rolled his eyes before taking a large gulp of his wine. "Leave him alone," he chastised, and to Cloud's surprise Angeal echoed the statement.

"Let him figure it out on his own."

Zack pouted. "I'm just tryin' to be helpful. You said you were bummed out on your own, Cloud—I just wanna see him happy. With a big SOLDIER beefcake to call his own."

Cloud hunched down in his seat, embarrassed, and Sephiroth caught his eye. He was frowning, but offered him a tiny smile; it gave him the strength to sit back up and say firmly, "I appreciate it, but I'm good. I'll ask you if I need help."

Angeal looked approving, and Zack tilted his head. "Uh, okay. Don't be afraid to—I could get you with someone in less than a week if we tried hard."

Cloud nodded, and didn't miss Genesis's exasperated expression.

* * *

><p>Despite Cloud insisting that he didn't need Zack's assistance the SOLDIER showed no signs of slowing his unwanted 'help'—it felt like every day he had a new Second or Third Class for Cloud to meet, or a story to tell, or an ID picture to bring up on the ShinRa database he had access to as a First.<p>

"It's getting really annoying," Cloud confided in two of his friends one afternoon. There was Stella, who he'd hooked up with that one time on patrol, and a boy who bunked in the group across the hall from his own, Oliver. Sector 8 patrols were always the best; nothing bad ever happened in this Sector, yet there were a large number of infantry dispatched to the area at all times. It was just for appearances, really—look how strong ShinRa is, look at our military. If you asked Cloud there should have been more troops in some of the rougher Sectors, where people actually needed protecting, but it wasn't his call. The high numbers meant that if you got bored and were willing to stretch the boundaries of your patrol perimeter a bit you could chat with some of the other infantry nearby (or fuck them in an alley, but he was done with all that).

Technically they could get in trouble but no one really cared. The most excitement Sector 8 ever got was occasionally a drunken fight, but those people were usually SOLDIERs on their way back to HQ after a night out. No member of the infantry was stupid enough to get in the middle of a fight between two enhanced individuals; those tended to sort themselves out anyway. The smog was surprisingly low today, leading to an higher UV rating than usual. The sun already had Cloud's cheeks burned slightly pink and he'd stuffed his scarf into his back pocket. Unfortunately the long pants were regulation. His socks were disgustingly damp in his boots.

His friends seemed to be feeling the heat too, though Stella was from Costa and vastly preferred summer weather to winter. She seemed skeptical of Cloud's declaration. "Constant introductions to hot SOLDIER guys is _annoying_? Please," she spread out her hands and shrugged at him, "I'd be _on _that—what's wrong with you?"

Oliver snickered, taking the time to wave at a few small children splashing around in the fountain. Civilians weren't supposed to play in it, but none of them had ever seen anyone get yelled at for it. They were cute, and two toddlers were in swimming-diapers, giggles echoing off the tall surrounding buildings.

"I'll send them your way," Cloud muttered sourly. "He just won't _shut up_ about it."

"It's me, isn't it," Stella said, her face falling. "I ruined you for the rest of your life."

"Yeah, that's it."

Oliver faked gagging. "You two? Gross."

Cloud grinned. Not everything had gone swimmingly since his sexual awakening, but it had sure been a positive thing overall. It was hard to forget his early days here, before he had Zack—and even after, when the SOLDIER was his only friend. He had many now, even if he'd met a few of them in rather inappropriate ways.

"You two do the homework for Johnson's class yet?"

"Ugh," Cloud grunted.

"Fuck," Stella groaned.

A civilian in gray approached them, and the three stopped their conversation to seem at least the smallest bit professional. Stella addressed him, her tone friendly, but authoritative, "Can we help you sir?"

The man wore large, expensive sunglasses and a beanie. Reddish hair peeked out the front. "Are ShinRa grunts supposed to hang out and talk all day like this?"

The three stiffened. "We're discussing highly classified ShinRa information regarding intel we've acquired in the past hour on our patrols," Stella said bravely, a valiant effort, "And I'm afraid we cannot discuss it with civilians. If you would move along, Sir—we have official business to attend to."

_Nailed it, _Cloud thought, but then the man put his hands on his hips and bent at the waist slightly, playful.

"Oh really? I'm sure nothing you three know is too classified for _me_. Let's hear it."

He lifted his sunglasses with a finger to reveal bright, glowing blue eyes. _Mako. _He smiled wolfishly.

Oliver sighed, "Shit."

"Sir!" Cloud knew that voice had sounded familiar. He saluted as soon as he realized it was Genesis; the other two followed his lead.

The Commander was off-duty but did not tell them that they didn't need to relax their poses, his smile only growing wider.

"There's some Turks over that way," he said easily, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder down a street. "They're doing business of their own, but I doubt you want them to catch you gossiping when they go back to HQ with a corpse." He adjusted his sunglasses carefully, fingers dainty on the fragile frames. "That said, I'm here to steal you, Strife."

"I still have forty minutes left in my shift."

"Oh, damn. I thought Zack said you finished at three thirty, not four on Thursdays." He shrugged after a moment. "Well, it doesn't look like you're doing anything important anyway. Missing forty minutes isn't that much worse than missing ten. Come."

Cloud gathered his helmet from the curb where he'd left it—it was just too hot. "Uh, see you around," he told his friends. They looked miserable at the thought of Cloud escaping the heat and the boredom without them.

Genesis was already striding away purposefully and Cloud had to jog around the fountain and across the square to catch up. "Hello," Genesis said calmly when Cloud fell into step with him (or almost did—the man's legs were long and occasionally Cloud had to take an awkward half-jump or risk falling behind).

"Hi." Cloud paused, and figured he'd be professional. "Sorry for slacking, Sir."

"Just be sorry I caught you." Genesis tapped Cloud's forearm with the back of his hand and then answered his unspoken question. "I'm doing some errands, and thought I would find you. I only have one left, and I felt like getting ice cream or something afterward. I knew you were in the area."

"Thanks for inviting me," Cloud said, rather touched. "Are you, uh, undercover?"

Genesis self-consciously reached up to adjust his beanie. The man seemed so proud of his hair; it was odd to see it covered up. He looked quite different. The sunglasses only assisted with that. In fact, half of what Genesis _was _was the loud red coat and the extravagant luxury blade. He was remarkably average in his outfit now or in his pajamas or other civvies. Always a vision, yes, like the time he'd wandered around in just sweatpants when Cloud had been over with Zack, but—plainer. Toned down.

"My hordes of fans just can't keep themselves off me, the poor dears," he sighed, and Cloud was fairly sure he was exaggerating this time. "Also, my coat got shredded by Bahamut this morning."

"What!"

"A summon. Irritating bastard. Good thing I'm off duty for the rest of the day. Placed a new order for one in another Sector an hour ago."

They'd learned about Bahamut and other summons in one of his classes the semester before. Since getting to know his new SOLDIER friends better it was becoming harder and harder to remember that they were as powerful as they were. "I'm fine," Genesis said, as he caught Cloud's look, "Don't look so worried, sweetheart."

The name made Cloud's mouth twist and whatever he was going to respond with die on his lips. Genesis led him to Loveless Avenue and they cut down an alley and to the back entrance of the theater. Cloud crowded close to watch as Genesis pulled out of his pocket a ring with probably twenty keys on it. There were also a few colorful, ugly keychains that looked like they had been on there for a while. One that Cloud could see clearly had a purple apple and BANORA! written in an unsavory font underneath it. A short, squat one opened this back door and Genesis pulled him inside by the hand.

"It's dark," he warned, and kept his gentle grip as they moved through what Cloud could only assume was a hallway. It was pitch black but he knew about SOLDIER eyesight. Once or twice Zack had turned off all the lights in his apartment at night and snuck up on him, laughing loudly and like an idiot when Cloud nearly pissed himself, and then tried to beat the shit out of him. Rather than being a dick like that Genesis steered him up a staircase and to the main floor of the theater where it was better lit. It seemed deserted for this time of day. Matinee shows were only weekends, if he wasn't mistaken. He let go of his hand finally and approached a door with an important-looking plaque. Crouching, Genesis pulled an envelope, folded in half, out of his back pocket. He slid it under the crack in the door.

"Was that a donation?" Cloud asked on their way out. It was unclear whether it was intentional or not but their thumbs had hooked around each other somewhere back down the dark flight of stairs.

"I am a patron of the arts," Genesis sniffed. It didn't look like he wanted to talk any more about it so Cloud let it drop, but hoped the man wasn't watching the pleased, startled smile that spread over his face.

They emerged back into the sunlight. "Alright. I need something sweet."

Despite Cloud's awkward fumblings Genesis overrode his protests and paid for his ice cream at a small shop. (_I just dropped off a check for several thousand Gil, _he sighed, _Let me buy you something, dammit.) _ They sat in some shade by a bunch of fake trees and bushes that Genesis sneered at. "They're hideous," he said. "Though I suppose there aren't any bugs."

"Do you really mind when Angeal brings more plants in?"

Genesis turned to observe him. There was a small amount of green mint chocolate-chip ice cream at the corner of his mouth. "…No," he admitted, "His stupid hobby makes him happy. I don't see what he gains from it, because everything around here dies so quickly. It's a lot of work with little payoff."

"He seems to really like it, yeah."

"He's sweet. But _tell him anything about this _and I'll roast you." Genesis leant in and pressed a hand to Cloud's face. His palm was much warmer than it should have been. "Fira to the face – that's my specialty, you know."

If it had been Zack Cloud probably would have licked his palm to make him blanch and withdraw with a laugh and a curse, but he restrained. He blinked owlishly at Genesis when he moved his hand, but it didn't stay away for long. The back of the SOLDIER's fingers brushed against his jaw, the touch feather-light. He then pressed a thumb to his cheek, releasing the pressure after a few seconds.

"You're sunburnt," the SOLDIER said. His voice was soft and private. Cloud's mother burned even worse than he and he'd gleefully poked her as a child, loving the way the pale marks left behind would stay for a second before flooding with an angry red color again. "Good thing I rescued you from that patrol when I did, hm?"

"I'm not complaining."

"You have some marvelous little sun freckles, you know."

The pad of Genesis' thumb was now resting on his cheekbone, having just drifted over the lightly speckled bridge of his nose. He got more in the summer, but even then you wouldn't notice until you got close. The proximity to his eye was making him blink rapidly, a response he couldn't help. He caught sight of his reflection in Genesis's sunglasses though, and suddenly sat straighter, turning his head to the side to dislodge the Commander's thumb.

"You're melting," he said nervously.

"Fuck."

Cloud passed over all his napkins and couldn't help but laugh as Genesis realized some had dropped onto his shoes. His jeans looked expensive and were fine; the corded muscles of his triceps, exposed with his t-shirt, flexed as he bent and scrubbed at one shoe with a wad of napkins. Cloud made himself look away, figuring that otherwise he would develop that _expression _again; he had to chill. How embarrassing, if one of them realized the way Cloud gazed at them?

"That's why I got a milkshake."

Genesis was probably rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. "Not all of us are as clever as you when it comes to ice cream, clearly."

Cloud let Genesis tend to his purchase for a while, though it looked like the man was fighting a losing battle. He really should have gotten a bowl and not a cone. With an irritated huff he took a bite—a _bite, _what the fuck—out of the rest on top and leveled it to the cone.

"Doesn't that hurt your teeth? Damn, Sir."

"Don't call me that. And no. Do you think a SOLDIER would get incapacitated by something like frozen ice cream?"

"I've seen Zack stub his toe. He was down for like ten minutes."

"I've been stabbed through the intestines before, and let me tell you, a stubbed toe is no joke. Though Zack does tend to be a little dramatic."

_Zack _was the dramatic one? Genesis must have forgotten his daily behavior. "Haha. I guess. How is he? I haven't seen him for a few days."

"No?" Genesis tilted his head.

"Nah. He's been busy." Cloud took a long sip of his milkshake as he thought, but he was near the bottom and it made empty suction noises instead. "And… I guess he's still being weird. About the date thing," he clarified.

"How so?" Genesis crossed one leg over his and put his free arm on the back of the bench, his forearm behind Cloud's head. Even a tiny bench covered in scribbles and scratched-in initials surrounded by hearts looked like a throne when this man sat on it.

"He just… he's trying really hard. I should be grateful. I want him to stop, though. I think I need some time to think about… what I want. And stuff." He shrugged, awkward. There was nothing left in his styrofoam cup but that didn't stop him from trying.

Genesis let out a gentle sigh. "I think we're all at the point where we could use some honesty—not just from you. What _do _you want, Cloud?"

If Cloud tried hard enough, and ignored the fact that Genesis was dating three other men, he could pretend that this was a date. In another world the arm behind his head, so close but not quite touching, would drape around his shoulders and he'd shuffle close. The ice cream still in the corner of Genesis's mouth would come away easily with a lick, and the man would laugh and berate him for not removing it sooner—_what if I went home like that? What if someone from my fanclub took a picture of me? My image would be ruined—_but tilt his head just so where Cloud could transform the lick into a proper kiss. Their lips would lock and Cloud would rake his hand through his bangs and back, pushing off his cute hat. Genesis would get so worked up he'd overturn what was left of his cone in his lap and have a _fit. _Cloud would laugh at him the whole way home. And then—what? Would Zack come by and help him bully Genesis with gentle shoves and kisses to his unhappy face until he smiled again? Would the others? Was Genesis still dating the others in this fantasy, or was he all Cloud's? Would he even want that?

Cloud let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed at his face with his hand. "I really don't know."

* * *

><p><em>I'd like to especially thank those who review anonymously - I can't respond to you, but know that your words are very much appreciated. Thanks to everyone for being so kind and cool. See you next Monday.<em>


	8. Chapter 8

The typical infantry lunch break was forty-five minutes. In that time they could pretty much do what they wanted. It was not required to stay in the cafeteria for that time but most did—the line for food took about half that time anyway, so the rest was spent eating. Occasionally some people went back to their bunk to catch a quick nap (or fuck—but in Cloud's experience knowing that he had to report to his dreaded hand-to-hand class in such a short time made it nearly impossible to get hard, let alone finish with somebody). They had fairly regulated days, this being the military, and Cloud cherished his free Sundays and his free evenings. Sometimes the last of his duties were at 6 pm, other times 7, and once a week he got off at 5. There wasn't a lot of time to relax before he was required to be back in his bunk before lights-out but it was some time, at least.

Cloud skipped the lunch today and hauled ass to launch pad E as soon as he was relieved from his tactics class. He had never been to this particular location before but they were all the same, really. A number of ShinRa operatives took helicopters to their missions, including Turks, SOLDIERs, and the Infantry. More often than not Cloud took ground transport (which made him sick) but once or twice had taken a chopper himself outside the city (which made him sicker). Getting to the various helipads was a hassle and he took two wrong turns before finally emerging out of a final stairwell and into fresh air (well, it was air—_fresh _was debatable).

Genesis Rhapsodos was giving a talk to some Thirds, he knew, and was not present. Zack's other two boyfriends were, and the First was giving them their goodbyes across the pad. The helicopter's blades were not yet spinning, but according to his PHS Zack was slated to head out in just a few minutes, so they would be soon.

He waited a respectful distance away as Zack kissed and murmured to them, his hands cupping their cheeks. It had to be hard—you never knew what mission was going to be your last, after all. This could be a final goodbye.

Cloud shook himself violently out of that train of thought. Sephiroth noticed him standing there first and reached out with a hand, smiling faintly. Cloud hurried over.

"Spike," Zack greeted, grinning, "Good, you got my text."

"I almost didn't make it," Cloud huffed, still slightly out of breath from the fifteen flights of stairs he'd climbed from the floor his class had been on. It was honestly faster than taking the elevator.

"Nah, you're fine. Got a few minutes left. Just sayin' bye to these two."

Zack wrapped one arm around Sephiroth's neck and tugged him close. He pressed their cheeks together so their faces smushed. The Silver General normally would have been unamused, but Cloud had a feeling he didn't really mind.

"A week and a half?" Cloud asked, unable to hide the dismay in his voice.

"Yeah. Give or take a few days—I'm not sure how this'll plan out. It'll go fast."

Zack kissed both Angeal and Sephiroth a last time before moving to stand before Cloud. He put his hands on his hips and stared at his friend. Zack was in his full First Class uniform, and his sword was strapped to his back. He looked damn good.

The SOLDIER gave him a noogie and crowed, "You're not gonna miss me too much, are ya?"

"Stop," Cloud growled, pushing him away. His touch grew less hostile as Zack retreated and his arms slid around the man's neck in a hug. Zack embraced his waist and lifted; Cloud's boots left the helipad.

"Don't let those three be jerks to you while I'm gone." Zack spoke into his ear, and that familiar voice was so fond, so kind, so intimate. "Don't want to have to kick any asses when I get back."

"You should be worried about them. I don't take any shit."

"No, you don't, huh?" Zack's arms tightened around Cloud's body. "I'll see ya soon, Spike. Lemme know how that date goes when I get back, okay?"

_I'll miss you, _Cloud wanted to say, but didn't. Zack had been on many missions in the time Cloud had known him, and a few even longer than this. His heart ached this time, though; he desperately didn't want Zack to leave. With his friend so close and so affectionate he was just like he usually was, and not the stiff, uncomfortable man he'd been lately. It was just too bad that he had to bring up the dating thing now, right before he left. Their last interaction before the mission should be nothing but happy, not frustrating.

Cloud twitched slightly as fingers pushed the hair away from his ears from behind and palms pressed gently over his ears in their entirety. His eyes, squeezed shut, opened to discover the reason why; the helicopter propellers were starting up. In a few seconds they were spinning fast, and their roar was now muted.

Zack let him down with a plop, gave them all a last goofy nod and a wink, and jogged over to the chopper. He climbed inside and a Turk with bright red hair raised a hand in acknowledgement to Sephiroth and Angeal from the cockpit.

Even with Angeal's hands over his ears it was pretty loud; SOLDIERs had enhanced hearing, didn't they? It had to be even worse for a First. Cloud slowly rotated in Angeal's grip, and the man quickly switched his hands so his arms wouldn't get tangled. Cloud reached up and covered Angeal's ears with his own hands, grinning.

They watched as the chopper took to the air. Green smog swallowed it up awfully quickly, and that was that. Cloud swallowed thickly around a lump in his throat, his hands retracting and coasting absentmindedly down Angeal's broad chest. He leant against the older man briefly; Angeal tucked some of Cloud's hair behind one of his ears. "You okay?" He asked.

Cloud nodded, "Yeah," but couldn't look at him.

"As far as we know, his assignment should not put him in any critical danger," Sephiroth informed him. As the chopper took off his face had twisted into annoyance but he hadn't covered his ears. SOLDIERs were masochists. His expression was smoothed out now, but to Cloud, he looked a little sad. "Zack should be back with us soon."

If there was anyone Cloud felt like he could trust when it came to military matters it was Sephiroth, but it didn't escape his notice how the General said _should _and not _will_.

"He always comes back with a stupid smile and a story," said Cloud, "I know he'll be fine, I just—I don't know…"

Angeal wrapped one big arm around him and hugged him tight, squeezing before finally letting him go. They understood what Cloud was trying to say, but couldn't—thus far the three seemed to always know what he was really thinking, even if they didn't always let on.

Genesis had hinted at it finally, but nothing was conclusive. That was on him, the Commander had said. He still had to get back to him about his results.

Cloud sighed at the thought, and bade Angeal and Sephiroth farewell. "I have to go to my hand-to-hand now. I'll… see you two around, maybe?"

"What do you mean, 'maybe?'" Angeal asked. He grinned and held the door open for the other two as they descended down a stairwell and onto a proper floor. "I think we're all friends at this point. You don't want to come see us while Zack isn't here?"

"Oh," Cloud stammered, "No, that's—not it at all. I just—didn't think you'd want…?"

"I'm teasing," Angeal admitted, though his eyebrows were drawn together in concern. "Of course we want you. To—spend time with you," he corrected, "Seph?"

Sephiroth glanced back at both of them before continuing his stride down the hallway, and ShinRa personnel scurried out of his way as he did. "I agree. By now, regardless of whether Zack is here or not, you are very much ours, Cloud."

The General meant our _friend, _part of our group, but Cloud still let Angeal drift ahead of him so no one could see his hot face. They got on different elevators, as they were going in different directions, and Cloud said confidently, "See you soon," knowing that he would.

* * *

><p>"Check this out."<p>

Five boys, two girls and one cool Cadet that was neither crowded around a small table in one of the infantry lounges. They were poorly kept, especially compared to SOLDIER's (those had coffee makers and couches without holes and stuffing popping out) but this was one place that haughty Third classes didn't think it was worth going, even to bug the infantry. The newest shipment of letters and packages from home had just come in, and one young man had hit the motherlode.

A large cardboard box was packed with snacks and sweets from his well-to-do family back in Mideel, and as soon as he said "Yeah, you guys can have some," seven grabby hands plunged in and started fighting for stuff. Cloud managed to get a bag of chips and two packages of cookies with some sort of chocolate filling and moved to a chair on the edges of the room before he could be guilt-tripped into putting something back.

They didn't make a lot of money in the military, after all, and nearly everything Cloud did make went home to his mother. It took her some time to understand Cloud's decision to head to Midgar but realistically there was no chance for employment in Nibelheim. The economy was stunted and no one liked the Strife family besides. He was glad to support her as best he could from Midgar.

Her most recent letter had arrived, and he was glad. Not having Zack around for two days now was making him feel surprisingly down, even though he told himself repeatedly he wouldn't get upset. It was so _weird_. Thankfully he was past the point where he could ignore it; something was up. He planned to use Zack's absence productively and figure out what the fuck was going on in his head.

_It doesn't mean anything, _his friend Andrew had said. It was entirely possible that Cloud losing his virginity to Zack had spawned some understandable, but ultimately useless and juvenile _feelings _that would go away with time. They hadn't faded yet, and had only grown more complicated as Cloud navigated his new relationships with Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth.

Now he wasn't so sure.

"Letter from your mom?"

"Yeah," Cloud answered absently, carefully opening her envelope. He felt bad tearing it. Her cards were always the same, a picture of the Nibel mountainside on the front that could be purchased cheaply in packs at the general store in town, but sometimes she drew on it to make it interesting. This time she'd drawn what looked like him, but as a child—yikes, there was that ponytail he'd never live down—and what looked like Tifa. Cloud had a little stick in his hand (_I should have known you'd be interested in swordfighting, _his mom had sighed during one of their talks pre-departure for ShinRa).

Cloud smiled—he missed Tifa. One day he'd meet up with her again, and hopefully he would be worth more of her attention and time. They could be friends as equals. One day.

In his last letter he'd elaborated a little more about his Zack problem. It was hard to find ways to talk about it without confessing what he'd done with Zack, or that he was plagued with, gulp, romantic thoughts around his friend. They weren't just physical anymore, and that was just something he noticed from time to time, when Zack was present and close and touching him or one of his partners. His chant of _it doesn't mean anything _got weaker and weaker with each iteration.

Then he crammed a huge discussion of the other three in the second half of the card, his handwriting cramped and messy—how much he liked them, how great they were, how they treated him so well, and how he never expected them to enjoy spending time with him. He even finally mentioned how they were all a couple, another reason why he hesitated mentioning specifically his issues with Zack. If his mom thought it was weird, or gross, or couldn't comprehend it, he didn't want that spilling over to him too. That would be hard to handle right now, with all of his other worries.

_I went through some old photo albums the other night, _his mom wrote, _and I found some of you and Tifa around eight years old. Do you remember that time you sat out in the cold outside her house for hours because you wanted to give her your art project? If her father wasn't such a horrible dick to you and hadn't chased you away I'm sure she would have liked it. _Cloud blinked at the word 'dick' – his mom had never used profanity around him as a child, and it was still weird every time it happened.

_To be honest, I was holding out for the two of you getting married someday for a long time. I suppose it was a bit silly. You've moved on, I see. I'm much more concerned with you being happy, Cloud—you should know that. Don't hold yourself back from anything (or anyone!) because you're worried what I might think. Moms should be the last of your worries when you're searching for love. (Maybe it's a good thing Grandma isn't here to pester me about the dinner I had with Jacob last Friday…)_

Cloud's heart beat erratically and his face started to burn. What was she talking about? Not about her date with one of the men in town, he had known that was coming from her last letter, but— was she giving him her okay to…? Did she know that he…?

Cloud paused. That he _what_? Had some sort of a weird crush on all four of them individually, and on the group as a whole? That was fine, but it wasn't like he was _pursuing _anything, which she was apparently approving of. He sighed raggedly and skimmed the rest of her letter.

_Oh, wow! _she said about the foursome, _That sounds really complicated. How do they make enough time for everyone to use the bathroom in the morning? _

Cloud chuckled. It was because they very rarely were able to spend the night together as four. Most of the time they slept as two groups of two at various apartments, and that was assuming all four were at HQ at once. Sometimes they needed space and thus one more would spend the night alone at their own apartment. Plus, he was fairly sure the showers at Sephiroth's and Genesis's places, being the biggest and most expensive (Angeal's was small because he was a cheap bastard) could hold two—or maybe more—people at once, but he didn't plan to tell his mom that.

_They sound like great friends Cloud. I'm glad to hear that you found your own little family in Midgar._

Cloud was almost blushing too hard at this point to continue, but he forced himself to quickly read the last of her letter.

_. . . I can tell from here what you're doing—focus really hard on what you want so you know for sure, and then DO something about it, dear. You were always too shy to tell Tifa that you thought she was cute, but you're an adult now. _

_I love you so much,  
><em>_Mom_

"Fuck," Cloud groaned.

"Letter from your _girlfriend_?" Someone asked obnoxiously, snickering at Cloud's overwhelmed expression.

"Hell yeah it is," Cloud shot back, "Your mom wants me to tell you that if you fuck up so badly loading your rifle during drill again she'll disown you."

Someone nearby laughed; Cloud stuck the letter in his back pocket and tried not to think too hard about what exactly she was encouraging him to do.

* * *

><p>True to their word Cloud hung out with the famous SOLDIER Trio not once, or twice, but many times during Zack's absence. Without his best friend as a buffer Cloud tended to be more quiet than usual during the first hour or so but inevitably opened up. They were not unkind, and had come to care about him in their own ways—there was no reason to be closed-off.<p>

That said, Cloud doubted he'd ever be the type to sing and dance in front of these three, or anybody, but sometimes they managed to get him positively riled up.

"Kill him," Angeal had advised a minute earlier, and now Cloud was pummeling Genesis with a couch throw pillow.

"I didn't mean anything by it," Genesis whined between blows. His arms were raised to block the hits but he hadn't retaliated yet.

"I told you—" Cloud huffed, getting in a particularly satisfying smack over the head, "—like fifty times that I hate it."

"Keep hitting him," Sephiroth said approvingly as he wandered in from the kitchen with a snack.

Genesis eventually knocked the pillow away with little more than a flick of his wrist and then grabbed Cloud's, pulling the teen close to him, half-straddling his thighs. "Well _fine," _he sighed, "I won't call you 'chocobo' anymore."

"Or make any chocobo references," Cloud said heatedly. He'd learned a few things in his hand-to-hand class about how to break grips like these and he shook off Genesis's hands with a maneuver that had been on his last test. Genesis just grabbed him again though, but he looked briefly approving.

"Ugh. Okay." Genesis's smile grew sweet though and his hands relaxed and slid a few inches down Cloud's palms so he could twine their fingers together. "But we have to have some sort of pet name for you, no? We all have them."

"Um," Cloud said. "You can just call me 'Cloud.'"

"Boring," countered Genesis. "I'm a fan of 'kitten' myself. I think it's a nice little commentary on your situation with Zack."

"Genesis," someone grunted.

The redhead sent an unimpressed look over Cloud's shoulder. "What about 'blondie?'"

"We need something that's blue, for your eyes," Angeal offered. "'Blue…jay?'"

"Bird reference," Cloud sighed, pretending to be cross.

"No, it needs to show how much of a little asshole he is. 'Demon?'"

Cloud couldn't whack Genesis with his hands so gently headbutted him instead.

"See what I mean?"

"Cloud is cute, not evil," Sephiroth chimed in.

The other three peered at him. The Silver General was preoccupied with a tiny bowl of ice cream and looked rather startled when he looked up to find he held everyone's attention. "So think of a cute name," Angeal told him.

Sephiroth looked awkward as hell. "Hm," he began, "…Pumpkin."

"What the fuck?" Genesis exclaimed, as Cloud burst out laughing. Genesis let him go finally and Cloud scooted over to the far end of the couch, the one adjacent to the one Angeal was sitting on, so he could be close to the man.

"You said cute," Sephiroth defended. "I thought of the costumes babies are often dressed in. Those are very cute."

"Does he look like a baby in diapers?" Genesis gestured dramatically at Cloud, who smiled sheepishly.

"Of course not. Cloud, you are a lovely young man with considerable amounts of sex appeal but even you would not look good in a diaper."

Cloud flushed, but Angeal started to laugh—the usually reserved man covered his face with one hand and emitted these tiny, quiet chuckles long after the joke stopped being funny. "I'm sorry," he apologized after calming somewhat, wiping at his eyes with his thumb, "I just got the most ridiculous picture in my head."

"Alright, alright," Cloud interjected, waving his hands awkwardly, hoping no one else tried to imagine him dressed like that.

The laughter and his real personality was starting to come out around these three just as effortlessly as it did with Zack. It was hard to remember why he had been so wary of them during his first meeting. They didn't hate him for sleeping with Zack, they liked him. Liked him a _lot_, Cloud was fairly sure. More than he was expecting. They liked him so much it was confusing…and Cloud liked _them _so much it was even worse. How could he not?

They were open to all his questions and with Zack temporarily out of the picture he used the opportunity to ask everything he'd been meaning to.

On a different night, when they had again invited him over, saying that they were trying to 'get to know him better,' Cloud asked, "Sorry if this is a rude question, but how does it work adding another person to a polyamorous relationship?"

"Why would you be curious about that?" Angeal's eyes were bright and fixed on Cloud with unusual intensity.

"Zack's told me a bit about how he ended up with you three, but not a whole lot. And I guess I'd just like to learn more about it."

Genesis inquired, "Having multiple partners might be something you think you'd enjoy?"

Cloud frowned as he considered. He hadn't forgotten his conversation with Genesis over melted ice cream; the man was still waiting on his answer.

_"I think we're all at the point where we could use some honesty—not just from you. What __**do**__ you want, Cloud?"_

_Cloud let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed at his face with his hand. "I really don't know."_

_"I want you to think hard. No—I __**need **__you to. I understand things are confusing with Zack at the moment."_

_Staring blandly at his boots Cloud asked, "You know about that?"_

_"Of course we do. …Hey." Genesis' voice grew softer. "We're not mad at you."_

_"I didn't think you were."_

_"Hm." _

_"…What do you think about Zack? What he wants, I mean." _

_"Aren't your own concerns more important?"_

_Cloud didn't answer. His brows drew together in frustration. Genesis's arm finally wound around his shoulders and he tucked Cloud against his side. "For what it's worth, you don't have to worry about us. I think you and Zack have to work out your issues between yourselves before we think about next steps."_

_"Next steps?"_

_The SOLDIER turned to look at him. His smile was kind, and lacked the mocking edge or superiority Genesis usually carried. "Think of it this way. If you didn't have to worry about pre-existing relationships or whether your feelings are reciprocated or not—what do you want most right now?" Genesis spread his arms. "If the sky was the limit. Maybe we can all talk more together once you have an answer." _

"Maybe?" was his answer to Genesis' immediate question. "Honestly, it freaked me out at first. I hadn't heard of an arrangement like that before. I guess I had some…weird ideas about it in my head when Zack first told me." He wasn't sugarcoating it for their sakes; there was little point. "But now I get it, I think. I don't think it's my first choice, and wouldn't be up at all if I hadn't met all of you, but it seems so… normal, and easy, with you four. So I guess I wouldn't discount polyamory for myself, in case the opportunity ever came up."

It was more than Cloud had ever said at once to any of them, and despite the uncomfortable sentences they seemed to understand what he was saying, and that he meant no disrespect or harm.

Angeal's warm hand came down on his knee. A gentle squeeze made Cloud look over. "That's good to hear," he confided, his thumb gently stroking his skin even as he continued, "And with Zack… it took some time."

"He told me that you were worried for about a year?"

"Was he ever."

Angeal scratched his nose, looking bashful. "I'll admit I panicked about a lot of things that seem silly in hindsight."

"Not all of it was unwarranted." Sephiroth scraped repeatedly at the bottom of his bowl with his spoon to get every last melted drop, and the noise was making Genesis' lip curl away from his teeth. Cloud discreetly shook his head when the General looked his way, and tilted his head at Genesis. Sephiroth put the bowl down, and he looked grateful.

"No. I was right to be wary of our work relationship. We didn't allow our relationship to turn physical until I stopped being his mentor."

"Could you have gotten in trouble?"

"Probably. I doubt anyone would have tried it, but if they had, there was ample evidence for a reprimand."

"I was wondering how it worked out between SOLDIERs."

"There's no rules against it, provided you're not in a position like I was, where I gave him a grade. There are some special channels involved for mentoring that involve performance reviews by the mentor that came up during his candidacy review for First. There wasn't anything wrong with Sephiroth or Genesis dating Zack—just me. Once he made First and didn't need me anymore it was fine."

Cloud nodded along as he processed the information. "But was it clear that you two were interested in each other for a long time before that?"

"Definitely. It was hard, waiting for that long."

"_But_," Genesis added, "It should be said that it doesn't always take that long for someone to get added into a group. It depends on the people involved and the circumstances. For example—say we only knew a person for a little over two months. If the attraction and chemistry is there, why not?"

He looked at Cloud expectantly, raising his eyebrows impatiently in that way that Cloud knew meant he was supposed to respond. "Uh, right."

Angeal approved of his answer. "Like any other relationship, you date first, right? Another person could come aboard someday but that doesn't mean they're committed to spending their rest of their lives with us. Especially if we've only known them for two months. It means we get to spend more time with them, get a feel for what it's like with them in the group. And if anyone wanted to leave someday, they'd be allowed. A polyamorous relationship isn't a jail sentence."

"So we're talking about you guys now," Cloud noted. "You'd really consider adding someone new? You seem so… content right now."

"If everyone liked them, and wanted them." Sephiroth watched Cloud evenly. "Do you remember the time I told you about feeling something was lacking?"

"On my birthday. Yeah."

"After thinking about it for a time I think that might be it."

"Really," Cloud breathed.

"Is that such a surprise?" Angeal's thumb tapped against Cloud's leg, trying to get his attention, but Cloud couldn't look at any of them.

* * *

><p>There was no getting around it.<p>

Genesis asked him _what do you want most right now? _and still expected an answer once he reached a conclusion.

Andrew said that Cloud would get over it, that his affection for Zack, crashing outward in exponential waves since they'd slept together, would eventually calm. It didn't look like that was the case.

All the talk about _next steps _and the other three's hints about adding _someone _to their group (not to mention that he'd known them for somewhere over two months) was making Cloud's head spin. Yeah, he'd always had crushes on them, and these days Cloud felt that the lack of their presence was nearly as painful as Zack's, but… fuck, he didn't know! Everything was a goddamn mess. A _mess_.

A hard life in Nibelheim had left him wary; it wasn't even in his nature to hope too hard for anything. Realizing that he had some problematic feelings for his best friend was one thing, but it was completely another to start to wish for…

An utterly lackluster date a few days before Zack was due to arrive home offered some clarity, but not enough. It was some buddy of Zack's, a SOLDIER Second named Akoni who was dull as a rock, not nearly as cute as Damon, and whose breath smelled like the rancid cafeteria meatloaf. …He wasn't _really _that bad—although the meatloaf thing was no joke—but the utter lack of chemistry or interest made it a painful few hours.

He finally responded to his mother as soon as he got back to HQ. He'd hesitated as he sorted out his thoughts in his time away from Zack but he wasn't interested in waiting anymore. He laid it all out, pushing past his embarrassment—the current situation with all of them. He wanted Zack, and he wanted the other three, and it seemed like some of his affection was returned, but he didn't know anything about Zack. And if he was right, and they _were _thinking about _him _joining up with _all of them_—was that a thing he'd even want? Or be comfortable with? Could he handle that?

He sent the letter off before he could chicken out—just _did it, _like how he'd called Zack in his bunk that one time, accepting his promise of a stress-free, enjoyable first time. He even paid the exorbitant fee for fast arrival—he never spent any of the small amount of Gil he saved for himself anyway. He'd thought himself rather confident in this arena now—if he wanted to fuck a fellow trooper he could do that, just go up and _say so_. That was really all there was to it. Hardly complicated.

But this was trickier, and for bigger stakes. Even the best occasionally needed a little assistance.

* * *

><p>Cloud didn't see Zack at all on the first day he returned to HQ, nor anybody else. That wasn't a huge surprise. Sure enough Zack invited him over on the second night. He'd asked through text what Cloud wanted ordered from their favorite delivery place and it was there when he arrived. Zack was in PJs and had a bottle of booze in his hand.<p>

"Spike," he greeted from the couch as Cloud took off his boots in the doorway. "Long time no see, bud!"

The alcohol was a celebration to himself for a successful mission, he said. On Friday nights Zack could do whatever he wanted, as SOLDIER had Saturdays off—though it wasn't even like he could get hungover or be in poor enough shape to miss work the next morning anyway. Cloud very much had drill at 0600 hours but accepted a couple shots anyway, and then a couple more because Zack was _here _and that was worth celebrating too.

The mission had been boring, Zack said. A whole lot of 'standing around and looking pretty.'

"Dude. We went out to eat at this one restaurant on our last day, and I don't even know what kinda food it was, but it was the best damn thing I've ever had." He described at length the fried dough with sugar he'd had and the three bowls of noodles, patting his belly and groaning and being the stupid little shit Cloud had come to adore so much.

"How was that date?"

"Shitty," Cloud answered easily, uncaring. "He's a nice guy, just not my type. I appreciate you setting us up though."

"Aw man."

"Honestly, I think the worst thing about it was the interrogation I got from the other three afterward."

Sephiroth, nosier than Cloud had ever suspected, bluntly asked him for all the details the next time Cloud had met them after said date. Angeal's arms crossed and his eyes narrowed throughout the whole conversation, and Genesis kept saying things like, "Oh, so you want a partner who does the opposite of that, then?"

Talking about them was so preferable to talking about failed dates. He'd gotten so much closer to the trio during Zack's absence and he filled him in on all the stuff they'd done.

"Dang. I'm glad you're all such good friends, Spike. They told me a bit about how they hung out with you. I'm glad."

"They're great, Zack."

"Aren't they?"

"You glad to see them again?"

"_Fuck _yes."

At this point Zack was giggly and sluggish and Cloud was past tipsy—Zack was looking awfully soft in his sweatpants and t-shirt and Cloud shuffled over until he could press against his side. Like old times. Zack looped an arm around his lower back.

"Spike. Confession. I had half my day off today, 'cause of the mission thing and all. I spent _all _of it in bed."

"Nice," Cloud said, grinning, "With the other three?"

"You know it. Reunion sex is second only to make-up sex." He pouted after a moment. "But all of us were together only last night. They had duties and shit today. Sephiroth took his lunch hour at nine am to come see me."

"That's nice of him."

"Eh. He just wanted to fuck some more." Zack waved a hand. "And Gen came at ten, and Angeal at eleven. It was kinda weird, but nice to see them again." He laughed at some memory from this morning, then turned to Cloud. He punched the blond's shoulder. "And it's good to see you too."

"I missed you, Zack," Cloud admitted softly.

"Aw. C'mere!"

They hugged, but Cloud didn't let go after a few seconds, at an acceptable time. Neither did Zack. "I missed you too, Spike," his friend muttered into his hair.

They tipped backwards, until Cloud's back hit the cushions and Zack bowed over him. Cloud continued to hug to the older man as Zack nuzzled by his ear. They lay there for a short while, just breathing steadily.

Then Cloud opened his mouth, and the shit poured forth.

"Zack, you don't know," he began, "You don't know."

The man hummed against his temple, "What don't I know?"

"Everything. I missed you so much. It's not the same with you gone anymore."

"I know."

"_Nothing's _the same since we fucked. It's all—messed up."

"Shit," Zack swore, and settled more of his weight onto Cloud. "Don't you think I know that too? What the hell happened?"

Cloud's arms tightened around Zack's neck, really clinging now, forcing the other to stay close and keep up that tantalizing pressure against the whole length of his body. He sighed raggedly as Zack's hand slid into his hair on the opposite side of his face, the side he wasn't cheek-to-cheek with.

"You don't get it. I—"

Cloud trailed off with a small groan. Everything about Zack felt so _good_, just his presence, and the pleasure of finally getting this off his chest.

Zack crooned into his ear, "You what?"

"I can't stop thinking about you. About—it, what we did."

"Shit. It's like every goddamn time I'm alone and I jerk off I'm hearin' your voice in my ear again."

Cloud's eyes opened wide at that delicious bit of information. His ankles locked around the small of Zack's back like they had when Zack pounded into him that night, finally aiming for orgasm.

"Same. Every time I have sex," Cloud panted, his whole body humming, "Every time. It's just you."

"You were so good, Cloud, and I had so much fun—"

"No one's fucked me as good as you did—"

"Gaia, it's killing me every time I see you—"

"Ugh, Zack—"

"I wanna do it again—"

They grunted and groaned little endearments to each other. They didn't kiss, but pressed their heads together and roughly clutched at each other's shoulders and backs. Cloud arched against Zack's chest, his whole body _singing_. "Let's do it," he said bravely, right into Zack's ear. Confessions uttered that way didn't have a chance to linger uncomfortably in the air, after all.

It was when Zack let out a loud, too-real moan of pleasure that they both stilled. The euphoria of finally saying what needed to be said was not, in fact, the cause of Cloud's rapid pulse, the blush staining both their cheeks, and the wondrous feelings making him tremble and shake.

They were both hard and had been rutting against each other on the couch for a while now. Two shocked gazes met. There were two options: keep going and fuck, like Cloud had just suggested, or stop.

Zack chose to disengage.

He slid away, sending cold air in to replace the burning places he'd occupied. Cloud scuttled away, to the far armrest, and Zack looked at him. He'd never seen his friend look so scared.

"We can talk about it," Cloud blurted. He _hated _talking about shit but—all that stuff Zack had told him just now, it couldn't mean anything bad. This was fixable.

"Shit." Zack dropped his head into his hands. "Cloud."

Zack hardly ever called him _Cloud_.

"What?"

"I'm not—can we discuss this when I'm not drunk, please? I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Cloud said. "I shouldn't have—"

Zack raised a hand. "It's fine. I'm just gonna sleep."

It was a clear dismissal. Cloud stood, grabbed his stuff, and left without ceremony.

In bed he painfully combed over every second of his time with Zack. He'd obviously messed up, but he couldn't figure out where exactly that mistake was.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you everyone once more. This is on its way out now - only a couple chapters left. You're all such babes, gosh.<em>


	9. Chapter 9

Despite Zack saying that they would discuss what happened the day after he returned to HQ, and seeming to mean it, they didn't.

Cloud tried, of course. He sent a few texts. _Hey… Yo, what's up? Hey Zack. Hi, you free at any time tonight? _

Not much came of it. Sometimes Zack responded, and sometimes not. When he did he was always busy or would say _Hi, not much _and leave at that. Cloud stared at the response and could not find the energy within himself to keep up the façade of everyday conversation.

It didn't take a Turk to understand Zack was avoiding him. The unenthusiastic response to his messages and that one phone call he'd placed while bored as hell out on a patrol was answer enough, but then Cloud started to suspect that Zack was physically dodging him as well. They usually ran into each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays when Cloud got out of one of his classes and headed back to his dorm to suit up and prepare for his afternoon patrol. Zack supervised a group of Third Classes' sword work seminar on those days, provided he wasn't on a mission or occupied with First Class business.

He liked to duck out of the class and chat with Cloud in the hallway. Maybe sling an arm around his shoulders and walk with him down the hall, letting him go at the end and returning to the seminar afterward. When he failed to show up on Tuesday and then Thursday too Cloud peeked through the window outside the practice room the class was held in. Zack was in there, all right; he was easy to spot. He had his back to the door and did not turn around.

_Asshole! _Cloud thought bitterly as he swept away, almost stomping back to his bunk. How _dare _he so blatantly ignore him?

The truth was that Cloud was avoiding Zack too, though, just in less subtle ways. It was more unconscious at first, but once he realized what he was doing—the lackluster texts, his own failure to pursue them and make Zack listen, the way he was starting to avoid the parts of the tower Zack often frequented—that was on him, too.

It had to stop.

The weirdest thing was how life at ShinRa continued so normally even though the most important part of his experience there—Zack, with his support, and his encouragement—wasn't present. No one really seemed to notice. His friends talked to him about the usual infantry stuff, and his duties continued as usual. Quite honestly he expected Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth to say something about Zack, but they didn't. It had only been a week since Cloud stopped hanging out with all four at once, because that would mean interacting with Zack. They hadn't seemed to notice yet, or at least hadn't spoken up about it. Cloud could only assume that Zack hadn't mentioned to them what had happened.

And that pissed him off. He wasn't stupid; he understood everything Zack said to him. _It's like every goddamn time I'm alone and I jerk off I'm hearin' your voice in my ear again. I wanna do it again. Don't you think I know that too?_

That deserved to be talked about. Did Zack really think so low of Cloud and the connection they shared that he could sweep this under the rug and forget about it? Was it really so unimportant that he felt the other three didn't have to concern themselves with it? Spend even a few brain cells contemplating his and Zack's rushed, incoherent confessions to each other?

Cloud riled himself up over something very small, getting angrier and angrier as different avenues for Zack's reasoning came to him. Was he ashamed of his feelings for Cloud, feelings he'd confirmed? Because that was right, although rushed and incoherent they had still been _confessions_.

He'd come a long way from the timid and quiet shadow a few feet behind Zack Fair. He deserved clarification from Zack, he knew now—so he went out to get it. Zack's schedule wasn't hard to memorize, and he had long ago. The SOLDIER met with Lazard every other week for a performance review—just a few minutes' long meeting, really, where Lazard said 'keep up the good work' (because for all of Zack's silliness and fun-loving nature he was extremely serious where his job was concerned, and did his work to the best of his ability always) and then they chatted about Zack's boyfriends, Lazard's own dating mishaps, or standard ShinRa gossip.

Cloud did not have clearance to that floor so he took the elevator to one of his CO's floors (ten flights below Lazard's, of course, because that was how ShinRa saw the infantry, so below their precious elite fighting force) and then took the stairs.

The wait in the middle of the hall, not directly outside Lazard's office but close, let him catch his breath again. He kept his mind purposefully blank, because thinking too hard about this would make him lose his nerve. Zack eventually left Lazard's office looking positively chipper, but his smile melted away when he spotted Cloud leaning against a wall a couple dozen feet down.

"Zack," Cloud called.

The First looked awkward, but came over. "Hey, buddy," he said easily, the smile plastered to his face fake and too-happy. Clearly he didn't expect Cloud to get into the meat of it in a semi-public space. Cloud didn't give a fuck.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Look, Cloud…"

"I'm sorry, okay. I shouldn't have suggested we…" Cloud paused, but muscled through it. "Hook up or anything, without permission from the others this time. That was irresponsible and shitty of me. I'm sorry."

Raising his chin, Cloud met Zack head on. He could be an adult.

Zack looked incredulous. "I… damn." He raked a hand through his hair, staring at the floor.

Cloud demanded, "Do you forgive me?"

"I—yeah, I guess—we were both guilty."

"So you can finally talk to me?"

The SOLDIER looked so uncomfortable, so visibly upset. Cloud pressed him again, getting closer, his voice raising. "I'm right here—just _say it _Zack. I hate this."

Zack's voice cracked as he yelled, "Look—I don't know what you want from me, Cloud!"

"Some goddamn answers, maybe! You said you can't stop thinking about me, or when we slept together. You can't just ignore me after that!"

"—Cloud!" Zack looked around, red in the face, looking for eavesdroppers.

He was so weak; the jugular was exposed, head lolling back, so Cloud struck. He moved in closer to give Zack the security of a tiny bit of privacy. He rested his hand on Zack's forearm. "I'm sick of lying to myself, of sayin' over and over that I don't have feelings for you, or that I can't because you're my best friend and that's fucked up. Can't we figure this out?"

Zack's whole body went soft. His rigid posture drooped, and his arms fell down so he could slide his hands in his pockets. Cloud's hand fell away with the movement. He confessed, "I don't know what to do, Cloud, or… how to act, or anything. It's so messed up. I'm in a relationship, Spike! And—I can't leave them. I love them as much as I always have."

"I'm not asking you to leave the others, Zack…"

Zack just shook his head. "Things were good like they were before, with you as my best bud, and me with the other guys. We were naïve to think that we could fuck and no weird feelings would develop afterward. I don't know exactly how this happened between us, but it shouldn't have."

Cloud couldn't manage to say anything around the sudden, blossoming hurt in his chest, and watched his friend silently.

"I don't want you to be unhappy though," he said, sounding more chipper, nodding to himself. He'd already moved on. "I was thinking. You and Kunsel were lookin' pretty cozy on your birthday, on that couch. He's not always into guys, but—"

"Seriously?"

"Well, yeah. I think you two could get along pretty well." Despite his easy tone Zack's shoulders had risen almost to his ears; he knew damn well how ridiculous he was being.

"_Zack,_" Cloud shouted, utterly frustrated, "Stop it with all the dates! I don't want you to set me up with a stranger. You know what I want."

There was no mistaking what he desired as their eyes met, Zack's wary while Cloud's blazed. It was Zack—it had been for a while.

"Why are you getting so angry at me?" Now Zack was yelling too. "I'm the only one trying to find a solution here!"

"No you're not! You're being a fuckin' idiot!"

Zack's eyes grew hard and cold. This man before him was so different from the gentle, kind and loving friend he'd been who had told him _I told you I'd take care of you. You're my best friend, and I care about you—as you know. I'm gonna hazard a guess and say no one here cares about Mr. Strife more than I do?_

"Damn it, Cloud," Zack griped, spitting his name out like a curse.

Cloud nearly raged about it later, back in the Infantry wing of the building. He was still unbelievably pissed but as he and Zack left the hallway, going in different directions without saying goodbye, he left most of his violent anger, the stuff usually deep inside that scared him, there too. Now he just felt drained.

He sat to the side in one of the lounges, with the shitty couches and the stale air, but it wasn't all bad, not even now. Two of his friends were playing a card game right over there, and they'd respected his choice not to play. They were giving him space to angst and frown, but they made him promise to join in if more people showed up.

It was… awfully nice, having support from friends. But how was he supposed to feel without his most important friend?

The avoidance turned up a few notches. Cloud did _not _want to see Zack, not when he was still being so… deliberately thick-skulled. Stupid, he was. Occasionally they texted, but they were even more lackluster than they had been before. It felt like it was more for appearances than anything.

The hardest thing was avoiding Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis as well. He wanted to see them—staying away was just as hard as it was staying away from Zack. At first he suspected they didn't know anything was wrong between him and Zack, but as Cloud's feeble excuses to get out of hanging out with them continued and they, no doubt, picked up on whatever baggage Zack was probably carrying around, they got more insistent.

_Cloud, this is silly, _Genesis messaged him at one point, _Please come see us. Or come see me, if you don't want to be with the group. I miss you._

_I'm busy_, Cloud made himself respond, but couldn't help but add a few minutes later, before shutting his locker and going to drill, _and I miss you too._

* * *

><p>"This is fucking stupid."<p>

"Yeah."

"This is so pointless."

"Food's good."

Cloud stared unhappily across the table at Kunsel, who was taking advantage of Cloud's churning stomach and blatantly stole some food off of Cloud's plate.

There was absolutely nothing. Cloud had given in and gone on this date with Kunsel because Zack set them up. It was some last-ditch effort to magically fix things. Cloud in a relationship with someone (_anyone_) else would certainly be easier on Zack. On Cloud, too. But this was different from his dates with Damon, when he hadn't quite realized what exactly it was he was feeling for Zack and his boyfriends.

Kunsel was a cool guy and all, but there was, again, nothing. "Sorry for making you come out here," he said, rather uncomfortably.

"Nah. You didn't, Zack did."

"He did?"

"Desperately wanted me to go on a date with you. He even gave me the Gil, so like, it's fine. I'm a good friend."

"…How much do you know?"

Cloud couldn't see Kunsel's eyes because of the helmet but he shrank back in his chair, feeling the force of his gaze behind the visor nonetheless. "Everything," he answered.

Sometimes Cloud forgot just who Zack's friends were. Sometimes he forgot just who inhabited ShinRa. People out of his league for sure, with their own skills and motivations and agendas. It took him a moment to swallow and ask, "Thoughts on Zack?"

"He's being ridiculous. He needs to have a long talk with Rhapsodos, Hewley and the General and then with you. He doesn't want to hear it though."

"So he's upset too?"

"Yeah," Kunsel said, "The rest isn't my business to give away. Keep trying to talk to him. He'll cave eventually."

That was both what Cloud wanted to hear and what he didn't. He didn't _want _to talk with Zack, not when what he'd said still stung so much. But it confirmed what he was already thinking; Zack _was _just being difficult. And… he was too. This was too complicated to only be Zack's fault. As a kid Cloud had deflected all the blame onto everyone else, all the kids from town that he hated—he was an asshole to everyone because some were an asshole to him. He reached a point where he stopped caring, and his failed relationships with everyone in town were their faults, because it couldn't possibly be his.

He really had been such a kid.

The 'date' with Kunsel did seem to be at least partly positive. Every time they hung out it got a little easier between them. Kunsel even paid for Cloud's half of the meal, although it was with Zack's Gil, to be fair.

After arriving back at HQ from the Sector they'd been to Cloud bade Kunsel farewell and went to the mailroom. Everyone in the Tower got their mail there, provided they were military; execs had some fancy mailroom somewhere that probably had plush carpets and an attendant reeking of perfume. The military one was kind of a shitshow, but that was because mail was a precious thing here, so far from home. Everyone wanted some.

Finally the letter from his mom had arrived. Cloud accepted it gingerly from the overworked and frazzled Third behind the counter (rumor was this job was a punishment). He moved to the side and spoke with one of the girls from his swords class for a minute or two, and when she left he noticed a familiar figure accepting several large boxes.

"Oh, dear," he heard Angeal say over the chatter of surrounding people.

He couldn't resist, even though he wanted to. Cloud drifted close and saluted. "Sir. Do you want any help?"

Angeal seemed delighted to see him—that expression of relief and, dare he even say it, joy, made Cloud's belly flip. "Cl—Strife. Please."

Angeal passed him a heavy box and took two for himself; it seemed the reason he couldn't carry all three was not because of weight but because he wouldn't be able to see over the top.

"Thank you," Angeal said as they walked together back to his place. "I'm glad I ran into you, Cloud."

"Me too." Cloud couldn't keep the gentle smile off his face as they walked. He was supposed to be staying away from Angeal, but now that he was here he couldn't stop himself from wanting to be as close as possible. He even bumped into him accidentally a few times on the way, because he unconsciously got _too _close. They put the boxes down in the living room, and at Angeal's invitation Cloud settled onto the couch.

"What are these?"

"Gifts from the Keepers," Angeal answered, embarrassed.

"Oh, cool."

Angeal had a good relationship with his fanclub. They respected his privacy more than Red Leather or the Silver Elite did Genesis and Sephiroth, and did lots of fundraising for organizations beneath the plate. "I ask them to not send me gifts all the time," Angeal explained, "Genesis gets all kinds of bizarre things daily downstairs. Instead, once every other month they send me care packages like these. They ask me to request certain items, and I do. I feel bad," he sighed, "That they're spending any money on me at all, but at least it's stuff I'll use and not fetishwear."

Cloud laughed. "I guess Genesis got that too?"

"Once or twice, but it's usually Seph. His fans are a horny bunch."

Angeal opened the first box and pulled out a series of kitchen utensils: various spoons, a large spatula, a new pan that boasted four years without scratches, a blender.

"My protein shakes ruined the last one," Angeal said glumly as he inspected it.

It was inevitable; Cloud just sped up the process. He and Angeal had been slowly inching closer to each other across the couch and he bit the bullet, scooting over the last foot so he could tuck himself against Angeal's side. The SOLDIER hummed approvingly, like that was what he'd wanted all along.

"You got a letter?"

"Yeah." Cloud turned it over in his hands. "From my mom."

"That's nice."

Angeal left him to it as he sorted through the rest of the gifts. He opened the letter with his usual care and slid out the card. This time the drawing on the front was of Cloud, an older one, without the ponytail—and he had his arms raised in victory or challenge. There were a bunch of lines radiating out of him like sunshine.

It wasn't a long letter. He read it to himself, angling his card away from Angeal a bit so he couldn't see, though he doubted he was the type to peek on someone's private stuff like that. The first paragraph, like it usually was, was about stuff at home. How the transition to fall was so accelerated in Nibelheim—they were expecting their first snowfall in two weeks. Then she wrote, _Thanks for sending me the letter, but I don't really know what you need from me. It sounds like you already know what you want. That sounds like a complicated situation with all of them but if you want to date Zack, and you have feelings for Genesis, Sephiroth and Angeal too—it seems joining up with all four is your only option, isn't it? You don't need me—just GO for it Cloud! Stop thinking so hard. _

_If you don't speak up I'll be disappointed, you know. Tell me how it goes._

_Love you always,  
>Mom :)<em>

He gently placed it down on the cushion beside him. In contrast to the delirious frenzy that had overtaken him when he'd confessed to Zack an eerie calm settled over him. His mom was right; there really was only one option.

Angeal caught him staring and said, with a gentle smile, "Thanks for staying. I've missed you."

"Me too. It's…good to see you, Angeal."

"Yeah." Angeal shifted closer for a moment, and dropped his chin onto the top of Cloud's head in a silly, affectionate gesture before returning to his gifts. "I know Seph and Gen have been wanting to see you, too."

Cloud didn't respond, staring guiltily as Angeal unearthed a fondant kit for decorating cakes. "I don't want to press you," the SOLDIER said delicately, "But are you and Zack okay? Zack is being distant with us, and we haven't seen you in almost two weeks."

"Um. We're okay."

Angeal frowned but didn't push it.

Cloud glanced back at the letter from his mom. "Angeal…um. Would it be okay if I said I just lied? And that I'm done playing dumb?"

Angeal fixed him solidly with all of his attention. It was a weighty stare, and it always had been. Angeal's particular brand of intensity was usually kind but always strong indeed; a weaker man would have caved. Cloud could take it. He shifted, turning, and his hand reached out to cup the man's cheek. His cheekbones were a bit sharper than Zack's, and Cloud's thumb was too close to his eye, so he blinked a few times involuntarily. It was a cute gesture on so big and strong a man.

His mom said that he already knew what he wanted. It was true. In the calm that settled over him the confusion from his failed attempts to fix things with Zack was the furthest thing from his mind. There was just the certainty he felt, finally put into place with some last reassurance from his mother, that what he was about to do was right.

During the last time he'd been in this position, on his knees on a couch with his hand cradling someone's face so tenderly as he studied their face, he'd kissed them—and it was a great opportunity to do the same thing again. Angeal didn't move away or indicate he didn't want Cloud to kiss him as the blond swooped in, slow at first to give him the opportunity to retreat if he desired, and then faster after Angeal's gaze met his, only acceptance there.

Cloud's mouth pressed firmly against the SOLDIER's, leaving no doubt as to what he wanted. Zack was great but he wasn't enough; he hadn't expected his affection to come to encompass all four but it had. He wanted _all _of them. How could he not?

Angeal responded just as Cloud hoped he would. His lips parted easily underneath his at the gentlest of prods and then Angeal took control of the kiss like he'd been waiting a long time to. One of his big hands slid to the back of Cloud's neck and the other to the small of his back, resting on the soft skin just above his belt, and it pushed there.

Sitting scooped up against Angeal Hewley's chest was hardly something to complain about, so Cloud rolled with it. Angeal's tongue worked against his in a way that made Cloud's whole self tremble. It danced with his, then flicked against his teeth and ticklishly against the top of his mouth. Cloud met it bravely stroke for stroke. Then it…retreated—and the kisses didn't stop, but they were more chaste, affectionate brushes of lips followed by another gentle smooch, and then another, and one more, until Cloud had lost count. They slowed, until eventually they stopped altogether.

Angeal slid Cloud off his lap and nuzzled into his hair for a heartbeat before murmuring, "I'll be right back."

He quickly departed for the bathroom. The sound of the door made Cloud's jaw snap shut.

"What the fuck?" Cloud breathed, his cheeks flooding with color and shame. Angeal had _seemed _into it. No one had kissed him that passionately in… ever, really. What was he doing? Cloud slid off the couch and stood. There were a few possibilities.

What if Angeal had pushed Cloud away because he got a little _too _into it and was jacking off in there? Cloud could go over, catch him at it, and they'd…

His fantasy got cut short when Angeal reemerged from the bathroom. It looked like all he'd done was splash cold water on his face. The neck of his uniform was damp and he had goosebumps.

"You don't have to leave," he said sharply, misinterpreting the reason Cloud was standing. "Please stay."

Angeal took Cloud's hand and encouraged him to sit again. He didn't let go but was now sitting a respectable distance away. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I just… needed to cool down for a moment."

"I didn't make you cheat, did I? I apologize if it wasn't okay for me to kiss you, it just felt right and—"

"Cloud." Angeal smiled. "That's why I pulled away. I figured we should talk about it. It's not that I didn't want to continue making out with you…" his eyes were capable of holding so much heat; Cloud's heart raced. "…Quite the opposite. But tell me. What do you want?"

Cloud tried to bring forth all the confidence he'd had before.

"All of you."

"Did you reach that decision on your own?"

"…What? My mom gave me some encouragement when I asked her about it, but… yeah. It was on my own."

"That's what we've been waiting for." Angeal's grin was so wide. "That's what we wanted, Cloud. What Genesis has been waiting to hear."

"Why?"

Angeal's fingers tightened around his. "It had to be something you wanted authentically. There's four of us, and we know we're able to, even unintentionally, put a lot of pressure on you. We don't want to coerce you into a relationship. If we had asked you over a month ago, when you barely knew us if you wanted to be with us, wouldn't you have said yes? Because you'd be 'supposed' to?"

"I, um…" Cloud frowned, and then admitted, "Probably."

"That's what we figured. You needed time to get over your crushes and get to know us genuinely, I think."

Cloud gaped and started to stutter something about how on Gaia they knew about his crushes, but Angeal gently spoke over him. "And to answer your other question—no, you didn't make me cheat. We talked about this, if it ever happened."

"You did?"

"Well—Genesis, Sephiroth and I did. Like I said, Zack has been distant. I was _definitely _allowed to kiss you.

"But," he sighed after a pause, and another squeeze of Cloud's hand, "We need to straighten things out with Zack now. I'm happy you feel the way you do, Cloud. It's been hard keeping myself in check around you."

Cloud's brain skipped right over the flirt and focused on Zack. "What do you mean, straighten things out with Zack?"

"He's out of the loop. Every time we try to bring you up he deflects. Come here. We'll call him, and bring him and the other two over."

"Hey—no, I don't-" Cloud fumbled his words and stood. He pulled his hand out of Angeal's.

The SOLDIER already had his PHS out, and was in the middle of dialing Zack's number. He glanced up curiously. "Cloud?"

"Angeal," Cloud protested, almost _pleaded_.

The man slowly put his PHS down. He held out his hand but Cloud didn't take it. "You're not going to get in trouble," he said, so clearly confused. "I just want to set things right." Cloud's uncertain expression must have spoken volumes, because then Angeal said, "I'm proud of you for being so direct earlier. Don't you think it's the best thing to be now? Zack is being intentionally difficult, and Genesis and Sephiroth are worried about both of you."

Cloud lowered his head. "…I know it is, but I want to try working it out with Zack on my own. One more time."

Angeal looked like he was going to argue (or lecture) but he bit it back. "Come here," he repeated instead.

Cloud got close and Angeal pulled him forward into a hug—the firmest, longest, and most meaningful hug he'd had in a very long time. He could hardly believe that Angeal wanted this too—although he couldn't exactly kiss Cloud again until things were sorted he still _wanted _to. Cloud could process all of it later, when he wasn't in danger of another confrontation with Zack.

"I'm going to trust you." Angeal nuzzled his cheek against Cloud's, all gentle, warm affection. "If you don't talk to Zack soon Genesis will probably throw a fit."

"I will."

The SOLDIER pressed their foreheads together. "Okay."

Cloud closed his eyes, paused, and soaked in the other's presence for a few long moments. Spending time with the SOLDIER Trio was so easy, and fun, and just like his time spent with Zack. The intimacy he felt with them, even if they were doing nothing important, so vastly outclassed anything he had felt with any of his casual hookups, even Damon and friends like Andrew and Stella.

Maybe that intimacy was what he'd been seeking all along, and what he'd had with Zack from the beginning, even if it wasn't of a romantic sort.

"I'll figure it out," Cloud promised his friend, and Angeal told him he'd hold him to it.

* * *

><p>Now there were two people Cloud was avoiding. Well, three.<p>

Zack was still irritating. Cloud had almost given up texting him entirely. He felt so damn guilty over what had happened with Angeal that he was steering clear of that SOLDIER too. Cloud's _I want to try working it out with Zack on my own _was just an excuse to buy him time, a lie he'd come up with on the spot. That made him feel guiltier. Genesis was unavailable for sure—he had no patience for hesitancy or weakness. The Crimson SOLDIER sent him a text that he was sure went to the other three as well: _I am SO DONE with this bullshit. If you all don't sit the fuck down and talk to each other I will burn down the fucking building. SERIOUSLY._

It was overly dramatic, but it was Genesis. The building was safe but _Cloud _wasn't; Genesis had to be so angry with him!

So Gen was out of the picture as well.

That left Sephiroth. Cloud tried valiantly to stay away from him too but he couldn't handle not seeing _any _of the group for any longer. Sephiroth was the safe one. Unlike Genesis, he wouldn't get in Cloud's face and demand answers. Unlike Angeal, he wouldn't frown and be openly disappointed in him. Unlike Zack, he welcomed Cloud into his home and let him hide there, giving him space.

Sephiroth spent a lot of time looking like he wanted to say something but refraining. Their dynamic didn't usually include a lot of words—it was a relief to just _chill _with Sephiroth after long hours spent with Genesis or Zack. Cloud liked to think that they understood each other.

That meant that the General knew exactly why Cloud spent a week hiding after his talk with Angeal. The blond almost got to the point where he brought it up on his own, and asked for help—but the words failed him at the last moment and he grew frustrated instead.

Sephiroth's did too so he offered him physical comfort. Nothing unseemly, but on Saturday night, where Cloud could sleep in as late as he wanted on Sunday morning, Sephiroth let him sleep over. Cloud had admitted at this point that he'd kissed Angeal, and that he'd been received well (and Sephiroth already knew, of course; Angeal told him about it). It was just Zack that had to be fixed.

Sephiroth was glad to hear it. The arm he hooked around Cloud's waist the entire night was entirely possessive. The soft breath at the nape of Cloud's neck as Sephiroth slept sent shivers through his whole body—it was so damn _good_, and made him feel so safe and content. Fuck, he was missing out. Waking up to more cuddles just proved how different this was from his other attempts at romance.

Cloud's eyes fluttered open when Sephiroth began to rub his back. His head had been tucked against the side of the man's chest and he moved it back as he stretched, arching against him.

"Cloud," Sephiroth whispered. His usually-perfect hair was rumpled from sleep, and shining in the light from the sunrise coming in the window. "I'm sorry for waking you. I wanted to talk before I left for my duties, however."

Cloud desperately wanted to kiss him, but knew at this point that there were some more important things to do first. "It's okay."

"Angeal and Genesis decided that I should be the one to talk to you, since you and I are," he searched for the word, "Good."

Cloud couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Yeah, we're good."

"We think the problem isn't that Zack's problem necessarily lies with you. It seems to be with us."

"With you three?"

Sephiroth nodded, staring right into Cloud's face. Sometimes he forgot that prolonged eye contact and staring intimidated people. It was a good thing Cloud wasn't easily cowed by him.

"He's avoiding us as much as he's avoiding you. It started earlier this week, when Genesis confronted him about his feelings for you."

"He told me they're there," Cloud said, suddenly worried that they had the wrong idea about this whole thing. If Zack told his boyfriends he didn't want Cloud then he was _lying_.

"We know they are. You two have been obvious for a long time."

"Really?"

"Yes. Even I noticed."

Cloud laughed again, softly, trailing off as he shuffled closer to Sephiroth. They adjusted to each other and got comfortable again like they woke up together frequently, and this wasn't the first time.

"I didn't want to pressure or force you to do anything you didn't want to, but it's time. You need to speak with Zackary."

"I know." Cloud curled into Sephiroth a little more, narrowing his eyes at the man's shirt beneath his cheek. He knew Sephiroth preferred to sleep shirtless; he must have put it on for Cloud's sake the night before. "I'm better than this."

"You are."

It was like with Damon. He'd deliberately led the man on, or at the very least kept seeing him while knowing that he was unable to develop real feelings for the SOLDIER despite Damon hinting that the was getting those feelings for Cloud. It was nice, and comforting, and he hadn't wanted it to end. Nobody was perfect. He couldn't do this anymore though.

"I just… what if it doesn't work out? I'm so close." His hand fisted in the soft, white cotton. "It all needs to work just right for me to join you guys. Zack's the last part left."

"If you could see the way you two interact when you think we're not watching the pair of you, you would be more confident. And—there are two parts that need to be sorted." Cloud peered upward. "You and Zack, and _us _and Zack. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind asking him what's wrong for us. We miss him."

Sephiroth said it so flatly, but it must have really hurt, having a boyfriend who suddenly cut off communication. Cloud was no boyfriend, but he'd done the same to Angeal and Genesis, and Zack too.

He wasn't going to cause anyone to have the quietly pained expression Sephiroth currently wore for any longer. "What do I do?" he asked.

"We'll make sure he's free for a few hours around lunchtime. Visit him in his office, he'll be there."

"Okay." Cloud nodded, but then felt like he needed to make a promise to Sephiroth but also himself. "I'll do it. Today. I won't let you down."

"Good. Now go back to sleep." Sephiroth kissed his temple and climbed out of bed.

* * *

><p>Cloud overslept horribly, but it was probably a good thing. It didn't leave him with time to overthink (which he'd certainly done enough of). Sephiroth was long gone, but he'd left Cloud with free reign of his apartment. He couldn't linger to enjoy it, but he showered, borrowing the stuff the Silver Elite would have sacrificed one of the newer members for. Then it was time to roll out.<p>

The exact hours Zack was free weren't specified but twelve-thirty seemed lunchtime enough. It was hard to force himself to go but it was easier knowing he was no longer just doing this for himself, but for Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis too. They needed him to do this.

He knocked on the door and held his ID up to the reader. Zack would know who it was. Would he open up?

He did, but he was wincing as Cloud slipped inside.

"Hey," Cloud said as gently as possible, leaning back against the door.

"…Hey," Zack replied.

Even though they'd been so annoyed with each other it remained that Cloud had missed Zack terribly. Fighting between them wasn't right.

"Can we talk now?"

Zack stared at his computer screen like he was searching for some excuse. "Sephiroth told me that they'd make sure you were free right now," Cloud offered, just in case.

The SOLDIER hung his head. "They're in on this? Damn. …'Kay, come in, Spike."

Cloud moseyed closer and perched on the edge of the desk. Zack didn't really get visitors and didn't have any other chairs. His office was also small compared to the other three, but that made sense. He'd always been proud of having an office at all. Being First for a certain amount of months and establishing himself as a useful resource and teacher for other SOLDIERs in his own right had earned him the space.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me too. I've been a real dick to everybody lately." Zack accepted Cloud's offered hand and let the blond hook their fingers together.

"You feel like you can talk about it now?"

"I don't know, but we should." He squinted. "Why're you bein' so gentle? And adult-like? I thought that was my job."

"Yeah, but then you told me to get out of your face outside Lazard's office." Cloud cracked a grin. "And I wasn't very adult-like. I avoided you just as bad as you were avoiding me. And I changed your name to 'fuckboy' on my PHS."

Zack laughed a little too hard at that, like he was making up for lost time. "Sounds like you were spending time with the other three though. You know… even when I was mad at you and stuff, I was still glad that you've gotten so close with them. They needed more friends. So did you."

"Me too. I missed you though. So did they. That's also partly why I'm here."

"They're sending you here instead of talking to me themselves?"

"Zack," Cloud implored, because his friend looked disgruntled again, "Can you just chill the hell out for a few minutes? Things got…really complicated lately, and you haven't been around to hear about it."

"Well. I'm here. Shoot."

"First I wanna ask if you really meant what you said about… _this_," he gestured between them, "how it shouldn't have happened."

"I… no, I don't. But it would be a hell of a lot easier that way. It's not like I can have you. I'm with the other three, and I won't leave 'em."

"I already told you I'm not asking you to leave them," Cloud said heatedly, "Zack, you do know I—shit, I made out with Angeal already?"

"What?" Zack focused on Cloud's face and then his eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to do it again, like Cloud had disappeared and reappeared right before his eyes. "What?"

"They've been trying to talk to you, but you've been ignoring them! They want me to join the group. Make it five." Cloud's cheeks burned to say it. "Well, they wanted it so long as I was the one to come up with the idea on my own. And I did."

"I kept encouraging them to get to know you better, but I thought it was just my imagination. Like—like me makin' it up in my head 'cause I liked _you_."

Quietly, Cloud said, "Calm down."

Zack stared at the top of his desk for a long moment before lifting his eyes to Cloud's. He looked so overwhelmed.

Cloud smiled in the most soothing way he knew how. "I think I get what was wrong with us. You thought it was just as weird starting to like your friend, right? Or is it because I'm Infantry?"

"No—it's not your rank, stupid. It was freaking strange fallin' for my little _Spike_, yeah, but that I could deal with, I guess. I pretended it wasn't happening at first, 'cause it was a lot easier that way. But then I figured that if you were dating someone else I wouldn't have to worry at all, you know? But your dates weren't going so well—"

"Because I kept thinking 'why was sex with fucking _Zack _so much better than this? I'm even trying really hard to romantically like these people.'"

"_Please_, sex with me is better than with everyone. But…really?"

"Yeah." Cloud shrugged. "I told you already, at your place. Nothing compared to when it was with you. And we were only friends when we fucked, and it's _still _been the best. Not just the sex, but… all of it."

"And I put so much effort into hooking you up with someone else…"

"I can't believe you actually paid Kunsel to go on a date with me. It was so damn bad."

Cloud snickered, and then Zack giggled—they laughed hard at that. Cloud kicked his swinging feet and Zack slapped his knee like a character in an old cartoon. The SOLDIER let his head plop down on Cloud's thigh.

When the blond recovered he wiped at one damp eye and asked, "Okay, so that's what's was wrong with us. But what about the other three? How come you haven't talked to them?"

"It's all mixed up. With why I _really _didn't want to admit I had feelings for you for the longest time. I just—I still can't believe you got jiggy with Angeal."

"Focus," Cloud gently berated, and gave Zack a slow-motion punch to the side of his skull.

"What if they're mad at me?" Zack asked. "For liking you."

"Why would they be? They like me too."

Zack frowned. "You don't understand. Before whatever happened with you guys. When they just met you. Don't you remember all those looks they used to give us? Like they were mad?"

"I…" Cloud couldn't lie. "Yeah. I do."

"You don't even know what I had to do to convince them to let me sleep with you." Zack tucked his boots up on the chair so he could glumly drop his chin on his knee. He looked like a big, lost kid. "I had this whole speech planned out in my head. 'Cause it's a big thing to ask, you know? But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to help you lose your virginity for your sake. Cloud, I swear I didn't have any ulterior motives when I volunteered."

"I know. Neither did I. Keep going."

"When you've got four dudes it's all about trust, right? I told you that once. I had to make it clear to them that you were just my friend, and that us fuckin' didn't mean anything other than that and that it _wouldn't _mean anything more in the future. I said shit like, Gaia, 'I've never even thought of Cloud in a sexual way before!'; 'He's just my little buddy—it would be _weird _having feelings or something for him. We're just friends, I swear.' And there _weren't _feelings, Spike—it was the truth. I hadn't thought of you as anything other than a friend before."

"Yeah. I, uh, had a crush on you when we first met, but it went away. When we did it… yeah. There was nothing."

"But then there _was_. Afterward I just couldn't stop thinkin' about you, you know? And sleeping together made us so close, even closer than before, and it just… spawned all this other shit." Zack shook his head. "I betrayed their trust, Cloud. That I had to work so hard to get. They were iffy at first, you know. But they respect me. And they trusted that I was telling the truth, and was being an adult about the whole thing. And I _was _telling the truth at the time. But then I couldn't keep my hands off you and you were always so sweet and, like, obvious—no offense—and you saw the looks they kept sendin' each other. Like they were pissed at me, or suspicious."

Many times Cloud had caught the SOLDIER Trio frowning at the two of them when they got too affectionate. He'd chalked it up to them trying to figure out exactly what was going on, which seemed plausible, but also that they were mad at _him_.

"I asked Genesis on my birthday if he was mad at me for sleeping with you. He said he wasn't. Honestly, that he wasn't. Not _mad _but that he couldn't… not think about it either, whenever he saw me."

The thing was, Genesis had reassured Cloud that he wasn't mad at _him_, but he'd never said anything to make it clear he wasn't mad at _Zack_.

"Huh." Even Zack's hair seemed to droop. "I just feel so shitty, you know? Imagine if your boyfriend was like 'Hey, can I sleep with my friend? I _promise _we're just friends.' And you say, 'Okay. I believe you. Our relationship is good enough that I trust you to do this and come back to me.' And then your boyfriend starts flirting with his friend all the time, but he never _says anything about it _because he's tryin' to convince himself he _doesn't _have feelings for his friend but it's still so _obvious_. Wouldn't you be pissed? I'd be so pissed! You'd think he lied or something!"

Cloud studied his friend. "Zack. Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yeah."

"I know—I can _guarantee_—they're not mad at you now. They're over it. They wouldn't tell me how much they like me and talk about how it's okay to _kiss _me if they weren't a hundred percent on board with me joining up. Angeal and Seph said they like me, on my own, and _not _just because _you_ like me. …But before? I don't know." He shrugged. "I didn't think about it before, but you might be right. Maybe they were pissed at you for a while, or betrayed, or… just confused about what was going on."

"…You really think so, huh." Zack looked utterly defeated.

"Yeah." Cloud shoved Zack's shoulder, hard, sending his chair back a foot or so on its wheels. "But who cares? Just talk to them about it. Fess up. Explain what really happened so they don't have the wrong idea anymore."

"But that _sucks_."

"Does it suck more than not adding me to the group because you're too afraid to admit you fucked up to them?"

"No," Zack answered, "No, it doesn't. Spike. I hardly even considered that could be an option. I knew you crushed on 'em, yeah, but—that was so innocent. A lot happened while my head was up my ass, huh?"

"Yeah. And I've been a cowardly asshole lately too, but I'm over it. I need to set things straight with Angeal and Genesis, but you've got to talk to all of them first."

"But what do I say?"

"I don't know." Cloud clapped Zack on the upper arm and squeezed gently. He stood. "This is on you, man." Zack had to decide whether apologizing and coming clean was worth it. It would undoubtedly suck, he was right, but if he wanted to fix things then it had to happen.

"Yeah. Guess it is."

Cloud moved towards the door, and borrowed some wisdom from his mother. "If you don't speak up I'll be disappointed, you know. Tell me how it goes."

Being the evolved, responsible, _adult _version of himself was hard and exhausting. The transformation started before sleeping with Zack, even, when he began to realize that he had things he wanted and had the ability to go and get them, even if there were some obstacles—like lingering cultural views and a skewed attitude about casual sex—in the way. But he liked to think that he'd come a long way in just a few months. The old Cloud only had Zack, really, but he now had many friends that he'd made himself and who he _tried _with unlike the ones he'd wanted even before Zack, back in Nibelheim. It was like he was a whole new person, a Cloud Strife who, although still very flawed, was starting to recognize those flaws, and attempt to work past them. For his own sake and the sake of his precious people too. And that was something he didn't need to write Momma Strife to verify.

* * *

><p><em>I really can't convey how much everyone invigorates me. Regular weekly updates has been really difficult, but you guys make it worth it. Thanks.<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_I need u to help me. Stuck in deathly boring meeting& txting under table. i don't car ewhat excuse u come up with but come to meetingand free me. floor 41 room b. PLS COME, GET ME OUT OF HERE_

…Shit, did ShinRa even have Shiva? The class Cloud took where they learned about summons was so many months ago at this point—fuckfuckfuck. He wasn't sure. Genesis mentioned Bahamut that one time, but what kind of magic did he use, anyway?

_Ifrit_. For sure.

Cloud hightailed it out of the cafeteria, popped into his bunk to grab his materia and bracer, and jogged to the elevator. It was a stupid plan, but it would probably work. He'd done this once or twice before with success.

_It's because you've got this innocent kind of face, _Zack explained to him once, _it's hard to believe you're actually an evil little shit under all that cute. _

Cloud could beg to differ about the 'evil' part (and the 'cute,' frankly) but could agree that, yes, ShinRa execs tended to underestimate him. Then he'd waltz away with a hot SOLDIER on his arm—done and done. Ha.

The 41st floor was one of the blander ones he'd been to. Conference room after conference room greeted him. He peeked into the window of room A as he passed by. It looked dull and boring, but there was probably a high-stakes debate playing out past that glass. Nothing in ShinRa was ever as harmless as it seemed.

Outside room B Cloud spent some time mussing up his hair. He yanked on his uniform and pulled it out of place. He unhooked one side of his brown chest straps and let it hang down. Then, for the final touch, he equipped his Fire materia and focused very hard.

It had only been a few weeks since he started learning how to cast magic, but thanks to some extracurricular help from Angeal, who was always a gifted teacher even if magic use was not his specialty, he was starting to get the hang of it.

It took a few tries but eventually Cloud succeeded in lighting his green infantry scarf on fire. He let it burn for a few long seconds before waving it around to put it out. Hopefully the smoke wouldn't set off a fire alarm (although that would succeed in clearing out the meeting. Hmm…). When it was out but still very smoky he readjusted it around his neck, eyes watering. He got into position, and then threw himself at the door.

It opened after some panicked jiggling of the doorknob and Cloud practically fell into the room. There were about ten people seated around a large conference table and a woman speaking up front by a display screen. All eyes turned to him.

"I'm so sorry," Cloud choked, coughing and wiping at his smarting eyes, "It's—Ifrit got loose in the Infantry wing!"

Genesis, who had been leaning back in his chair looking utterly bored, lifted his feet so he swung up and forward. His eyes widened dramatically.

"My god!" gasped a man at the end of the table.

"Two people are in the infirmary already, and Ifrit's just—putting everything on fire and—I'm really sorry for interrupting but I was told to come get Commander Rhapsodos. He's the best with summons currently in the building."

"Who decided to summon _Ifrit _inside the Tower?" Genesis boomed, standing. He grabbed his rapier, previously resting against the wall behind him.

"I don't remember," Cloud answered, his expression absolutely miserable. He staggered and leant against the wall, coughing again. "I breathed in a lot of smoke before I was able to get up here. Ugh…"

"My apologies, everyone," Genesis said gracefully to the room. He strode out powerfully, his face so dark everyone knew he was about to fuck Ifrit's shit up. Cloud scrambled out too, making sure to shut the door behind him.

They kept up the charade for a good thirty feet or so, until they were out of range of both sight and hearing, and then Genesis tugged off Cloud's still-ashy scarf and threw it to the floor. In the middle of the empty hallway he picked Cloud up and spun him in a joyous circle.

"Ah! The world has a new hero," he cried, and smothered Cloud's face in kisses. "Mwah _mwah mwah mwah_."

"Stooop." Cloud was laughing though, and put up with it until Genesis set him on his feet. He grabbed his CO's hand and pulled him to the elevator, in case someone poked their heads out of the room to investigate. When they were riding back down they both laughed, Cloud with a hand over his belly because it hurt so much.

"Thank you _so _much. That meeting was horrendous."

"I can't believe I did that. Do you think they bought it?"

"Who cares? I'm out, aren't I?" Genesis grinned at him and nudged Cloud with his elbow. "It's not common knowledge we're dating you yet. After it is it'll be harder to get away with this sort of thing. Though… I guess we should really let Ifrit out for a minute or two to be safe, no?"

That was a hell of a lot more interesting than the bland cafeteria food he'd been eating before Genesis' text. Cloud followed his boyfriend to one of the SOLDIER floors where he grabbed a red summon materia. (Cloud asked to hold it and Genesis responded _not on your life, sweetheart._) Then they went to one of the infantry gyms and snuck into the supplies room in the back, pressing close to the floor to avoid detection. The ceiling was tall enough in the gym for Ifrit to stand, but just barely.

Genesis, on his hands and knees beside a large bin of foam practice swords, gestured at Cloud to stay down. A wicked smile spread over his face.

Cloud would not forget the expressions of absolute horror on his fellow troopers' faces as a giant, pissed-off, mostly-naked, fiery beast suddenly materialized in the middle of their gym. Genesis' warning to Cloud to stay put and out of sight was unnecessary; the blond collapsed on his stomach, laughing too hard to do much of anything at all.

The hallway echoed with screams as troopers fled and curious people from outside peeked in the large double doors and through the glass. Ifrit roared, making the whole floor tremble with it. He picked up a large metal contraption that four people could lift weights on at once and threw it against the wall with a deafening sound.

"Enter stage right," Genesis said grandly, for Cloud's continued amusement. He ran a hand down his blade, magic making it elongate and glow, and ran into the room.

The SOLDIER First made quick work of the summon, and this time no coats were shredded in the process. Ifrit launched a fireball at the man and Genesis brushed it off like it was nothing; it was nearly impossible to use his favorite element against him. After just a few minutes Genesis whittled Ifrit's HP down to nothing, and clutched the tiny red sphere in his fist once again.

Cloud scuttled out of the practice room with his head covered, like he'd taken refuge in there after the original attack.

"Oh, no autographs," Genesis told one trooper, evidently one in his fanclub, "I must be going. I have to return Ifrit to where he belongs. Don't think I won't try my hardest to figure out what fool let him run rampant, though."

Cloud waited impatiently by the door and when Genesis slipped out he asked, shrugging, "Too much?"

"You're always too much."

Rather than go back to return the materia right away they went to Cloud's bunk, because after lunch was his hand-to-hand class. He had to change. Luckily it was empty; Genesis was free to stretch out on Cloud's bed and openly watch as the blond crawled out of his uniform.

"I'll buy you dinner," he declared. "No, I'll _make_ you dinner. …No, I'll buy you dinner." Cloud snorted. "What," Genesis scoffed, "I'm assuming you want to _eat _this food."

"I do. Especially since I only got to eat a third of my lunch."

"Aw." Genesis managed to look sorry. "Thank you for coming to rescue me."

"You're welcome."

"My brave, smart, handsome infantryman," Genesis flirted, rolling onto his side and holding out a hand. "Don't put that t-shirt on yet. Come over here."

"I only have five minutes before I have to go."

"Even five minutes is glorious time spent with my precious little—"

"_Stop_." Cloud was laughing again, though, and crawled onto the tiny bed with his boyfriend. He was lucky that he had a bottom bunk and not one that required climbing to get to; that would be a lot less sexy. Genesis cupped both sides of his face and gently pulled him down.

Genesis always kissed long and thorough, taking his time to sample everything his partner had to offer like they were a delicacy, a fancy chocolate with many complex flavors. Cloud's socked toes curled and he gave up propping himself above the other man, easing himself down. Genesis could take his weight.

In the weeks after Cloud got the formal 'invite' to Genesis, Angeal, Zack and Sephiroth's relationship, Zack took it upon himself (because it would be fun, he said) to coach Cloud through boyfriendhood, which really was a chance to gossip about the other three. "You can never just kiss Gen goodbye in the morning or whatever," he'd griped, although Cloud could tell he wasn't really annoyed. "He's always very '_my sweetest dear, I am going to kiss you for five minutes because I fell on my head in the VR room too many times and I constantly forget what you taste like.'" _

"I kinda like it though," Cloud quipped. "He's fun to make out with."

"Well, _duh_."

When Genesis had satisfied himself, and ensured Cloud was satisfied too, he looped his arms around Cloud's back and nuzzled into his hair. "You smell like smoke," he noted.

"I used the materia you guys got me on my birthday to light up the scarf. Went pretty well."

"Mm, good to hear. Is Cure still giving you trouble?"

"Yeah."

"We'll find an evening next week to work on it."

"Okay. Thanks."

They cuddled together on the bed but could only afford about a minute before Genesis gave him a gentle squeeze and prompted, "Get your ass to class."

"Was that you trying to write your own poetry again?"

"Shut up. It was an unintentional rhyme."

Cloud snickered as he pulled on his shirt and his sneakers. They left together, and departed outside the practice room Cloud's class was held in (notably a fair distance from the one Ifrit had been in, and a floor above it).

"Alright. I'm going to go bother Sephiroth with my new free time. I'll see you for dinner? I'll take you out somewhere you like. Want to meet in the lobby at eight?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll see you later."

Cloud smiled stupidly at Genesis until the distant red blob of his coat disappeared around a far corner.

* * *

><p>"So I heard you and Genesis had a hot date."<p>

Cloud barely looked up as Zack plopped down beside him on the couch. The food in the carton in his hands was much more interesting. "Uh-huh," he grunted around a mouthful of chicken.

"Hey, don't eat all of that!"

Zack reached in with his chopsticks and Cloud smacked at them with his own. "Get out." They struggled for a bit until Cloud gave in, if only to stop anything from spilling.

"Mm, this is good. How was the food at your _date_?"

"You get way too big a kick out of saying I went on dates with them."

"You can't blame me. My best friend is _dating _my boyfriends now. I'm, like, your biggest fan."

"Whatever." Cloud couldn't help but flash a quick smile at Zack; he still felt a bit disbelieving every time he said it too, honestly. "And the food was good. I got a Nibel dish."

Zack's grin wavered. "And did Gen enjoy what he got?"

"Yeah, actually. I think he's developing a taste for it."

"That's…pretty awesome, Spike."

"Yeah. They're changing. Making changes. You know, as they… let me in. It means a lot." Cloud wasn't quite blushing as he admitted that, but he suddenly became very interested in his food.

"And what about us, huh?" Zack's voice was teasing, and he leant sideways until he could lean against Cloud's side.

Cloud snorted. "Nothing's changed between us at all. You ready to start?"

"Hey. That's not true." Zack wrapped both his arms around Cloud and put more weight on the blond, gently squishing him into the cushions. He rubbed his cheek against Cloud's shoulder, all touchy puppylike affection, making the infantryman laugh softly.

"I guess. I couldn't really blow you whenever I felt like it before," Cloud responded simply. He scritched Zack's scalp for a moment before reaching for his game controller again, navigating the menu as his boyfriend lifted his head to look at him properly.

"Was that an offer?"

Cloud snorted. "No. Come on, or I'll start without you."

Predictably, Zack chose the Warrior of Light. Predictably, Cloud harassed him about the decision. Predictably, Cloud won the first fight. Predictably, Zack harshly noogied him afterward before crowing, his mouth full of greasy noodles, "I'll destroy you in the next one!"

Cloud had been wrong, but not by much. _Almost _nothing had changed at all (at least between he and Zack) after Cloud joined the four SOLDIERs in their rather unconventional relationship. Here they were sprawled out on Zack's couch doing what they'd done together for months before they were boyfriends, after all—that certainly spoke for something. But it was true that some small changes had occurred, too.

At some point Zack shifted so he could lean against Cloud again, not very hard but just a little bit, so they could touch. When Zack pulled a cheap move too many times Cloud nudged the side of Zack's skull with his forehead; Zack grinned and caught him in a quick kiss.

The best part about their relationship, both were sure, was that it was so very similar to what they'd had before. Only good and better things had been added, mostly—like sex (or _more _sex, rather, because they were intimate twice while only friends, to be fair). Cuddling too, and miserably pressing close underneath Cloud's umbrella out in the greenish rain but being unable to stop giggling, and pulling each other by the hand over giant puddles. Cloud especially liked how Zack was so good at resisting the urge to kiss or touch him in public, because he was good at his job and respectful of public and workplace boundaries, but as soon as they got past a closed door he transformed into the goofy, affectionate man he was coming to—gulp—love. Zack especially liked how Cloud continued to make so much progress with coming out of his shell; seeing him smile so easily with his infantry friends or with their other boyfriends made his heart so warm (and he found the side of Cloud that only he got to see to be entirely charming).

There were some unsavory things too, of course. It had been no secret that they were close before this happened, so some people unfortunately speculated that Zack had cheated on the other three or left them for Cloud. Seeing Cloud, then, with one of the SOLDIER Trio led to confusion. It would be clear enough eventually what the real situation was, Zack knew. Scheduling time for everyone to spend meaningful hours with Cloud one-on-one to really make this fivesome strong was tough too. Zack knew very well that he was much closer to Cloud than the others (not that their bonds weren't strong too—he'd just had months more time to know him better) so he was a gentleman about it, and let Cloud spend most of his evenings with the others.

Transitioning from friends to 'friends with benefits' to boyfriends had been weird and difficult and goddamn _hard_. Cloud and Zack fought now too, more than they had before, and about bigger things—but even that wasn't the end of the world. _Reunion sex is second only to make-up sex _Zack had said once; Cloud agreed, though truthfully he had yet to really try the whole 'reunion sex' thing but doubted it surpass the other.

Being friends first gave Zack an interesting perspective that the other three couldn't have. Cloud adored Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal, and that adoration was the same across the board for all four—he didn't like Zack more but liked him _different_. The friendship between Cloud and the others was strong too, yeah, but Cloud's connection with the three SOLDIERs was mostly romantic while Zack had inverted percentages of both. It was bizarre, and sometimes they both forgot that they even _could _kiss each other like it didn't even matter, but they remembered often enough.

"I think I'm pretty lucky to be your best-friend-boyfriend," Zack had told Cloud once, as Cloud toweled off his wet hair for him as they stepped out of the shower.

Cloud seemed curious despite his unenthusiastic tone. "Yeah? Why's that?"

Zack had actually put some thought into it. "I think there's a lot less pressure with us, you know? Like, I know you still get a little anxious every time the other three take you out."

"It's—" Cloud protested, stuttering over his words in his haste, "I'm working on it. It's almost gone."

"Spike," Zack said kindly, bending to kiss his frowning mouth. He was so soft and warm from the shower, and smelled so nice... he got momentarily distracted as he kissed him again, one hand coming to rest on his bare hip. One of Cloud's damp spikes, drooping considerably from the weight of the water, nearly poked him in the eye and he remembered what he was going to say. "I'm not teasing you about it, or judging you. It's fine that it is. I know you and the others have been working hard. I just meant that when you're with me, I'm glad that you don't have to worry about any of that. I mean, when I met ya you were this…cute little dork."

"Whatever," Cloud griped, moving away to step into his underwear.

"An _angry _cute little dork. You took ages to let me in. You've come really far though. But what I meant was, like, I've seen you at, like, your worst, you know? Even though you weren't _bad_ back then. You've puked on me like three times. And I was there when you got in those couple fights in the beginning. I peeked on you dancing to your music in my kitchen too. What's to worry about anymore?"

"Zack," Cloud gasped, frozen on one foot with one leg in his jeans. Zack had promised to stop teasing him about that particular incident after Cloud had enough and beat his ass with the butt of his infantry rifle.

"Aw, I'm serious." Zack pattered across the bathroom and drew Cloud into a damp hug. He was still naked and Cloud let out a puff of amusement against his neck. After a moment his arms slid over the top of Zack's shoulders.

Cloud finally addressed Zack's point directly. "I know. I'm glad too. Sometimes I think that…if I didn't have you—or someone that I was just… absolutely cool with going into it, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Being in a group, and all."

Zack nodded. "It's a lot. And definitely not for everyone. But you're doing okay, though?"

Cloud's arms retracted, wiggling fingers reached for Zack's sides, and the SOLDIER skittered back. "Yeah," Cloud said, putting his head through his t-shirt, "Duh. Of course I am. We're probably late to dinner with them now, by the way."

Right now, on Zack's couch and surrounded by takeout containers and their discarded controllers, Cloud was very much okay. Zack never stopped asking that question all the time, starting when Cloud lost his virginity. It wasn't really necessary, but Cloud desperately appreciated it all the same.

"Weren't we supposed to be at Gen's place fifteen minutes ago?"

Zack nuzzled deeper into Cloud's shirt with a grunt. He claimed he was 'tired' and plopped sideways a short while ago. Cloud resisted at first, taking advantage of Zack's distraction to get his character's HP down but Zack persisted, squashing Cloud with more force until the blond gave in with a laugh and paused the game. One of them or maybe both lightly dozed for a while, curled around the other.

"We're always late. It's not a big deal."

"He and Angeal will be pissed at us. Or, you, since you're always the one that makes us late."

Zack laughed, and his arm around Cloud tightened briefly. "I'm fine. They always forgive me anything, don't they?"

"True." And it was. Zack, like Cloud, had been guilty of a lot of avoidance a couple of months back, though his situation had been a little different, and spanned twice the time. As Zack began to understand that his feelings for Cloud were more than friendly he started pulling away from Cloud, and eventually his lovers too.

Admitting he wanted Cloud meant admitting that he'd compromised the agreement he made with his boyfriends that started this whole mess.

Zack originally explained in very plain terms that his relationship with Cloud was just platonic, and that he wanted to assist Cloud in losing his virginity for Cloud's own sake. The trooper felt intimidated by the thought of sleeping with someone he didn't know (at least for the first time, because then he'd gotten a little…_intense_ afterward) and frustrated with himself because he didn't see his own reasons for wanting a safe and caring partner as important.

So Zack helped. If there had been any doubt in his mind, or the hint of feelings for his grumpy blond friend he wouldn't have done it. There hadn't, and he had. Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth trusted him to tell the truth about his situation with Cloud, and gave Zack's plans their blessing.

But afterward everything had gone to shit, and Zack's efforts to set Cloud up with dates did extremely little to quell the growing affection he felt whenever he saw the teen. He'd gotten scared, and pretended nothing was wrong, even though it was plain to his boyfriends.

"We should go," Cloud said after another few minutes. It was tempting to just go to sleep, but knowing food was sitting out always made him anxious; he had to put it away in the fridge. "Come on. Angeal told me he has a surprise for you."

"Is it dick?"

Snickering, Cloud responded, "I don't think so. I think it's food."

"Well, shit! Why didn't you say so?" Zack was being silly again, but got up nevertheless. The two of them cleaned up and left Zack's place together. Genesis was in the same wing but a few floors up, Elite SOLDIER and all, so it wasn't a long trip. They managed to run into someone Cloud knew on the way though.

The blond almost missed Klarke. He passed in front of the elevator as someone got off on the floor above Zack's. With her departure it was only Zack and Cloud left inside, so he didn't hesitate to thrust his arm out to stop the doors' closing.

"Damon!"

The Second doubled back, confused. His handsome features morphed into surprise when he spotted Cloud there, leaning half out of the elevator. "Hey," Cloud said. It had been an impulsive thing, and now awkwardness threatened to make him let the doors close, but he made himself say, "Sorry, the doors are going to close on me, but—I saw you and wanted to say hi. You've been well?"

"Yeah." Damon tilted his head, frowning. He moved a foot or two to the side and spotted Zack leaning casually against the back of the elevator. The First raised a friendly hand in greeting, and Damon nodded back. "I'm good, Cloud. You?"

"Good, yeah." Cloud nodded earnestly. The elevator doors let out a loud, constant beep, and the doors started to close despite Cloud holding them open. There were rumors that once they closed on an infantryman's ankle like this and severed his foot. It was probably baseless, and functioned to scare the infantry away from exploring too many of the SOLDIER and Exec floors, but Cloud wasn't too enthused about finding out.

"It's great to see you," Cloud said, still nodding. Damon smiled briefly. He had to know that Cloud was now dating the other four—gossip traveled fast among SOLDIERs, though they were pretty fierce about keeping that information within the program. Cloud retracted his hand as the doors continued to close and spoke through the crack, "I'll see you around?"

"Sure!" Damon called back as the doors shut completely.

Cloud's shoulders tensed, and he glanced back at his boyfriend. "Sorry."

Zack shrugged. "Nothin' to be sorry about, man."

The thought of seeing the other three put Damon momentarily out of his mind. When the door to Genesis' apartment opened Zack slouched and grunted, "Yeah, you guys ordered a large pepperoni pizza?"

"Get in here," Genesis replied, and pulled Zack in by the collar of his shirt.

Grinning, Cloud squeezed in past the duo. Zack was getting his thorough hello-kiss and would be preoccupied for a while, probably. It was a relief Genesis did not seem to mind that they were a bit late. Zack was right—while his boyfriends were very much able to get angry at him, he was always forgiven.

The truth was, Cloud had been surprised to discover, even though he'd kind of expected it, was that the other three _were_ indeed mad at Zack.

Or, they had been.

As it became clearer and clearer that Zack was falling for Cloud, Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal all individually felt something like betrayed, as Zack had feared. There were a lot of things they thought—that Zack _had _lied in the beginning, when he explained that his feelings for Cloud were platonic. That he was leading Cloud on, even, and was planning to cut things off once it became too obvious Cloud returned his affection (luckily they had not thought this was a viable course of action for long). That Zack was thinking of leaving them for Cloud (this train of thought persisted for far too long, and Zack still felt horribly guilty for making them think that he would do that). They also considered what turned out to be the truth; Zack and Cloud indeed had no ulterior motives when they lost Cloud's virginity, and that it was only afterward that things got complicated.

Regardless of what the story was behind how Cloud and Zack grew affectionate it remained that it had happened, and was an issue. They got over it. Once they knew Zack was not about to leave them they reasoned that Zack would want to add to the relationship the kid he was starting to love a little bit, so they invested considerable energy into getting to know Cloud on their own, to see if they could learn to love him a little bit too.

The connection and attraction between them was undeniable and so much greater than anyone had expected, and they forgave Zack all on their own for being dishonest with them about Cloud in the beginning—a crime Zack had never committed.

Zack did not want to talk to the others but knew, after Cloud visited him in his office that one day, that it had to finally happen. Zack sat them down and explained the situation, set it straight. He apologized.

At this point the SOLDIERs were angrier about Zack avoiding them and being so distant. Zack learned undoubtedly that it was _not okay _to ignore his partners like that. He was always saying that a foursome needed communication—and now that it was due to be a fivesome, even more.

Cloud hadn't escaped cleanly either. Genesis and Angeal were disappointed in him for avoiding them too. He spent every day since trying to prove to them that he was better than that, and that he could handle such a complicated relationship, and that he was worthy of their time.

Sometimes that meant doing things that made him uncomfortable, because he was a quiet person, and he didn't love confrontation. He pushed himself anyway.

"Seph," Cloud breathed as he made it into Genesis' living room, still hopping on one foot as he tugged off his boot. Sephiroth shot him his small, private smile from the couch and Cloud yanked off the boot and quickly made his way over to the General.

Despite the difficulties and rocky start this new era of Cloud's life was stupidly, deliriously, undeniably wonderful. Sephiroth opened his arms for him and Cloud squeezed the man as hard as he could, knowing he couldn't harm him.

Nosing at Cloud's ear, Sephiroth murmured, "I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Two whole weeks," Cloud confirmed, dismayed. He left for a mission a fortnight previous, and on the day he returned Sephiroth left for one of his own. "You just got back?"

"Mm, two hours ago."

"No one told me."

"Genesis thought my presence would be a nice surprise for you."

Cloud twisted around to peer at Genesis, who was laughing at something Zack said. "It is. I'm glad you're here. I missed you."

"And I missed you, my Cloud."

Luckily no one else realized what Sephiroth said to him (or they had enough sense not to adopt it, at least—it embarrassed him sometimes but coming from Sephiroth he didn't mind. If Zack started calling him _my Spike _Cloud would punch him in the gut). In fact, the others were good about calling him just 'Cloud,' though occasionally they thought it was cute to—

"Come here, pumpkin," Genesis ordered from across the room. "Did you seriously try to sneak past me without a hello?"

Zack was in the kitchen, so Genesis stood alone in the entrance to the room, his arms outstretched. He made several grabby motions with his hands and Cloud just grinned at him.

"You're going to have to come over here. I'm not moving."

Genesis acquiesced, and slid onto the couch beside them. "You were surprised to see this one?" He jerked his head at Sephiroth without looking at him but Cloud didn't worry; they pretended they disliked each other often, for whatever reason. Cloud didn't quite get it, but let them proceed.

"Yeah." Cloud leant against Sephiroth's side with more force for a moment. He raised his voice, "Did you know about this, Zack?" He added after a pause, "And hi, Angeal!"

"Hey!" Angeal called back.

Zack sounded like he had his head in the freezer or a cabinet, coming out muffled. "Maaaaybe!"

"Thanks, Gen."

Cloud stayed still as Genesis leant in to kiss him, making the elder man lean all the way across Sephiroth to get to him, because it was funny. He did it with such flair too, making a big show of sprawling across Sephiroth's lap. One of his hands squeezed the General's thighs.

Genesis did not seem to appreciate Cloud giggling throughout their kiss, and he gave up with a sigh. "You're hopeless. I'm never kissing you again."

Sephiroth looked at Genesis sharply and Cloud nudged him. "He's kidding," he explained. "Don't you know he's kidding?"

Unfortunately Cloud was slated to head out for another mission the next day at lunchtime. "Our luck sucks," he told Sephiroth, not quite scowling but close. _Pouting_, Angeal would have called it.

"Would you want to spend the night at my place?" Sephiroth asked as he gently took Cloud's hand.

Technically Cloud wasn't supposed to sleep over anywhere except on Saturday nights. He was required to be in his bunk for lights-out, but… "Yeah." Cloud nodded. "I mean, of course."

"I look forward to some time with you," was all Sephiroth said about it until it was time for them to leave, and Cloud tried not to blush.

He left the two of them to cuddle on the couch and wandered into the kitchen. The sink was full of the dishes from whatever the three SOLDIERs had for dinner. Zack and Angeal were seated at the table around some sort of dessert.

"Spike," Zack greeted as Cloud hugged Angeal from behind, leaning over his back. "Ang made some, uh…?"

"It's a cobbler." Angeal held his spoon up over his shoulder for Cloud to try some. Cherry was not Cloud's favorite flavor of anything but it was pretty good; he hummed around his mouthful and dropped a rather sticky kiss to Angeal's cheek. The whole point of coming in here was to verify with Zack whether later tonight would count as 'reunion sex' with Sephiroth or not, because Zack was so particular about his little games (but Cloud ended up playing every time). He decided to just text him about it later.

"Genesis told me how you saved him. Lit that scarf up all on your own?"

"Uh-huh." Cloud glowed under Angeal's proud smile. "I mean, I couldn't do it on the first try or anything, but…"

"Don't do that," he chastised gently. "I think that's a great accomplishment. We'll keep working on your materia together."

Zack winked at him. "Soon you'll be able to summon Ifrit all on your own."

"Yeah right. Have you ever tried a summon?"

His friend's smile grew strained. Angeal grunted, "He did, once, on the field. I had cleanup."

"Yeeeah, well, I'm better with physical materia anyway. Gimme a good leveled Assault Twister over Shiva any day."

When the two men finished their dessert and put away the dishes Cloud graciously washed the three went back to join the other two. They were still where Cloud left them, scooped up together on the couch. Sephiroth's head rested on Genesis' shoulder. He must have been truly tired to show his exhaustion like that. It took some time for them to lower their guards that much around him, but—here he was.

They only had a couple hours late in this evening to spend together as a group. It was rare that they could all hang out like this, and everyone seemed just as happy as Cloud. The infantryman looked around at all of them, and knew that despite the difficulties it took to get to where he was now, it was worth all the effort. How could it not be?

"Hey, Cloud?" Zack asked a short while later. "I was thinkin' about something. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Sure. Shoot."

"It's just—when you saw Klarke again, it popped into my head. I know you're happy with us now and stuff, don't get me wrong. I just remember all the fun you had before when you were, uh, not dating us. With your infantry friends and stuff. Do you ever feel like you miss all that?"

Cloud frowned, and Zack said hastily, "You don't have to answer that—that was kind of nosy. Sorry."

"No, it's fine." He just needed to think. Zack wanted to know if he missed the casual sex. "Honestly?"

"Yeah." Zack nodded encouragingly. To Cloud's surprise the other three were watching too. Genesis even peeked over the top of his book to study him.

"Sometimes, yeah," he admitted.

Nobody looked disapproving, just innocently curious. Zack met his gaze evenly.

"You're right—it was a lot of fun," Cloud continued. "And really easy, no stress. A lot of people in the infantry sleep around, and I was just… one of them, you know? It felt great to be part of the group. I liked doing that stuff with my friends, getting close to them that way. But I still have a lot of friends in the infantry now, even if I don't have sex with any of them. And…" He offered a slightly awkward smile. Every one of his boyfriends reflected one back at him.

"Now I have the opportunity to get close to you four instead, and that's even better."

* * *

><p><em>This fic originally was just an excuse for me to finally and seriously try my hand at writing some smut, but it grew into something that I really loved writing every week. Seriously, thank you, everyone, for all the encouragement. It was tough at times and for a while I could hardly bring myself to type the word 'cock,' etc but I think I learned a lot from everyone's feedback and grew as a writer from the experience. Thanks again. Stay tuned for an epilogue.<em>


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